I saw the new Milla Jovovich film Ultraviolet last night and I wrote a haiku about it.
Future vampire flick
was filmed in Shanghai daylight
and makes little sense
It's not the most awful movie ever made, but I had to struggle to remember more than two or three that were as bad or worse. Seriously - it's just a big, tedious turd of a release. It should have gone straight to video. Do not pay to see it.
Capitalizing on the recent popularity of DC's Power Girl, Marvel relaunches Ms. Marvel in her own series. Something there is that doesn't love built, busty blondes who can benchpress buses, but that something ain't me.
Cover art by Frank Cho, interiors by Robert De La Torre. Available at comic speciality shops beginning Wednesday, March 1.
How is her bustier staying on? Seriously, if she doesn't want her wonder muffins winding up as fan service on the cover of a comic book, she shouldn't lean forward like that.
And of course, comic readers will pick up the comic just to see if the muffins do pop out. (They don't.) It's fairly explicit and well beyond what the mainstream comic publishers normally show - which is saying something. Also, JLA Classified #17 has the Comics Code Authority stamp on it, believe it or not, just about five inches away from Wonder Titties Unbound. I guess the Code doesn't mean what it used to.
(And by the way - while I'm on the subject of moral degeneracy in the funny books - Marvel may think it squeaked by over this whole gay cowboy business, but some of us have longer memories than that.)
I picked up Ultimate Spider-Man #90 today and it turns out I am older than the Vulture. Yes - that Vulture - the old guy who wears a big green bird costume. Back when I was a kid, comic books had page numbers - now they don't and I had to count them to tell you it's on page 8. Panel 7 on page 8 shows a computer display identifying the Vulture's date of birth as "August 7, 1971."
I passed Peter Parker a while ago, and I figure I'm right around the age of Clark Kent or Bruce Wayne - but then whack! In one day I wind up older than the friggin' Vulture. And I was all set to blame the writer, Brian Michael Bendis, when it occurred to me that Bendis is bald (like the Vulture), and was probably born about 1971. Sure enough, a little research showed that Bendis' birthday is August 7.
So I realized this Vulture birthdate thing is probably a dig on Bendis from Mark Bagley, the penciller on USM. My destroyed sense of youthfulness is just a collateral casualty. I hope Bagley's having a good laugh right now because I'm going to show up one day at a comic book convention when he least expects it. Making me older than the Vulture - real funny, art boy.
Capitalizing on the recent popularity of DC's Power Girl, Marvel relaunches Ms. Marvel in her own series. Something there is that doesn't love built, busty blondes who can benchpress buses, but that something ain't me. 
And of course, comic readers will pick up the comic just to see if the muffins do pop out. (They don't.) It's fairly explicit and well beyond what the mainstream comic publishers normally show - which is saying something. Also, 
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