Dorf, you picked a good place to post!  There's a lot of knowledgable folks here so I'm going to start you off with some beginner tips.

1.) Not all excercises fit all, some people like to train a little bit more intense than others.  If a normal average joe were to say go onto the training regimen of the guys of 300, they'd probably have a heart attack!

2.) Diet is EXTREMELY important in getting cut.  Without the right diet you'll develop off season bulk, which is not a bad thing but it will explain why you're not seeing muscles that are POPPING out.

3.) Lifting heavy over lifting several times will build muscle.  Lifting several times over lifting heavy will build endurance.

4.) Do not go beyond what you can lift, you must make sure you have checked at least on the internet or with an instructor the appropriate way to do certain exercises, some exercises can damage your body if not done appropriately.  Lifting too much can also damage your body and cause muscles to tear, make sure you have learned all you can before performing certain exercises.

5.) Since you both are going to build, go into the gym as a team so you can both motivate and support each other.  It's easier to get a good work out done if you have a buddy with you, otherwise you have to go into "solo" mode and just pop in some headphones and lift, lift, lift.

I have no workout programs myself so I can't help you in this area but I hope these beginner tips will help you get started in the right direction.

I would recommend the following site - it may seem at first as though it is more directed towards your wife, but much of the advice is relevant for men also.

http://www.stumptuous.com/cms/index.php

You can obtain some tailored weightlifting programs on www.fitrex.com.  You have to register but you can input your current "lifts" in relation to a program for such things as bodybuilding, general fitness, military training, and have it spit out a "customized" weight training program.  You won't get spam emails; at least I never did.

Yeah Dorf, to re-iterate: steroids bad.  In fact I'll go one better and say to avoid most any suppliment (other than your average multi-vitamin and plain-jane protein shakes) for your first year of training.  The reason I say this is because you don't yet have a barometer for your well being. 
By which I mean, you are going to be (hopefully) changing your eating lifestyle, working out regularly (and let me say from one husband to another, you are going to love to watch her get fit.  That first time she bends over get a weight and you see hamstrings?  Heh, just remember, gyms take a dim view on PDA on the floor )  Anyways, my point is you are going to be stressing your body pretty hard already and it is going to retaliate in the predictable manner, you don't need say the bloat of creatine loading to add insult to injury right away.
A couple of books that were great sources of information for me and my wife when we first started were The Complete Idiot's Guide to Weightlifting which breaks down workouts, diet, and rest into the easiest to understand form.  And for a little later down the road (and please no one flame me for this one) but I found Arnold's Encyclopedia of Bodybuilding to be indespensable.  Once you get around him talking about himself, he's got quite a few gems of training knowledge that deserves to be brought back to date.