The way you described the "steroid monster" I did indeed feel pity when she was killed. But then again, describing her face made it much more acceptable and I was able to get over it.  No, seriously - what kind of challenge would it have been for the hero, if he would punch out some skinny girl?

One reason I'm so disappointed that the story is closed, is because you left some "open ends" in it, where I'm curious to know why you wrote it, what it means, how it fits in the plot etc.


Who is the "homeless couple"? Who killed them, why - has it to do with the vampires or the hunters? Has it to do with the restaurant? Were the part of the menu?    It's like reading Sherlock Holmes finding a corpse and then in the entire book it doesn't get resolved what it's all about.

The other thing was with the last whisper of the steroid monster. "Cassandra" Was it a warning, a hint or her name?

You understand my dilemma? I thought you are building up suspense for the next chapters where these riddles will be explained and resolved. Heck I think it would even interest Craig what or who "Cassandra" is, when his dying victim whispers it in his ear.

Anyway, this story has lots of potential and I hope to read more of it.
Thanks.

To be honest, I didn't get into this story at first, but with Fonks and others comments I made it through the begining to where the plot began to pick up and found an amazing story! 

Your heroine is more than muscular and strong enough for this board, and my own tastes, and the fact that the steroid monster was killed dosen't matter, she deserved it and if she weren't as big as she was, she wouldn't've been a threat.  It should never be easy for the main character.

I'm going to go back and read the other story you posted, making sure to get through the begining to the plot, and will be looking forward to more of your work.

Thanks! 

I know exactly what you mean about proofing -- there's always a little tweak to be made, and alas, it's not possible on this board anymore.

Just wanted to add my voice to the chorus: nicely done!
Looking forward to more,
Reap

A really excellent story Capt Matt.  I am looking forward to reading more from you.

It is always great to see a new angle being used.

Your stories are very polished.  I think the only way to have anything more perfection would be to have multiple proof-readers before the text is finalized.

For writers in general, I wish there was a way for the forum to let them to go back, re-edit, and fix their spelling mistakes, say for a week or two after the episode is posted. 

I remember reading one story by one author where his characters often had "stake" dinners, but it was a mis-spelling and he meant "steak".  And then there are the authors who write "cloths" when they mean "clothes".   Of course these are mistakes spell-checkers don't pick-up.  I never bother to point these errors out because the authors don't have a way to correct them anyway.  They are little annoyances, and if the writer has good plots or good character development, and the story is generally enjoyable, I want to encourage him or her to write more.

In your case, Capt Matt, your standards are very high.  Bringing in vampires in this role, the plot, the grammar, the spelling.  Excellent.

The only thing you could add would be to give us a look inside the characters heads at what they are thinking.  That the steroid enhanced vampire killer had killed the homeless couple would have made readers happy to see her killed.  But a look inside her head at what she was thinking when she enjoyed killing these helpless people would have been even more powerful.

Of course going into that detail could turn your short story into a lengthy novel and make it too slow moving.  So there are pros and cons, and maybe it is better to have left it out.

I really enjoyed your story.  If you can see the "hit counts", I think the hit counts are the best indicator of how much your work is appreciated.