I’ve just finished the first draft of a (very) short follow on to the Nicola Roberts growth story I did a while ago, and wondered if any of the writers here could suggest any improvements I could make to it (since I’m not a writer by any means).



http://grimmtoof.deviantart.com/art/GA-wardrobe-malfunction-107840817

Always glad to see more FMG writers.

Just a couple of suggestions, since you asked:

I suggest you use the spell checker.  It's easy and makes the stories better to read.

Second, which is more personal, I always like a perspective of how big she is.  A monster bicep is how big?  I'm not saying you need to go into great detail, but it helps to paint a picture.

Hope to see more from you.

Right, I've made a few changes and added a measurement for Nicola's bicep. Any comments on the updated version?

Probably it’s because of the post-holidays lull; the forums take a dip in activity and participation.

Aside from the use of cold measurements, which does help the reader, (and that some readers really enjoy hearing) you could also use similes to assist in creating a fuller mental image in the mind of the reader as to what your character looks like.  Not just in comparison to physical objects/structures - i.e. mountainous biceps or tree trunk legs - which does help, and I see you've used such, but in other ways, too.  For example, in some of mine I've used real world FBBrs and/or fictional superheroine characters, describing that "she" has the best aspects of thus and so in the structure of her facial profile, in the development of her physique.  Assuming that they are familiar with them, it gives the reader something to compare to - that your character is similar, but also different, too.

Another thing, and probably one of the more difficult aspects of writing, is giving your characters a personality that is uniquely their own.  Meaning, geting them beyond being just a literary mannequin and putting some "life" into them.  Generally, most authors put part of themselves into the creation of it, but also, as flights of fantasy, will include psychological elements that they'd never do themselves, too.  Its not something easily explainable, like learning to ride a bike, you're going to have to work at it, but eventally, all of a sudden, it will come into being.  After that, any successive stories you write, the process is much easier, almost coming on by itself.