Writing is indeed a pain , and hard work. I didn't have time to read the chapter in it's entirety, so I skimmed a good deal of it. For the first time that I can remember I have seen a foundation of solid story telling in one of these kinds of stories. Actual conflict, setbacks, goals striven for, consequences... This almost makes me hold out hope that this genera will eventually take the art of writing seriously. Good job. Your 5 star rating is well deserved.

To the extent that I think There are others that write excellent plot and characterization within this Genre, I will disagree with you on that.

That said - yes, excellent writing on this.

Pug

Umm - wow.

Without disparaging anyones work, just reading off my kneejerk reactions from http://www.thevalkyrie.com/library.html :

It's hard not to mention Marknew as the definitive example - He was writing big, long plotted out stories back when the usenet was still a thing - "The Spell" is pretty much what I blame for my having this fetish, other great examples are alt.univ, and ABX, and by the way never read "The Spell" on alt.amazon-women.admirers, read rec.arts.comics.cre ative, then go straight to bed - it's like dropping your cerebral cortex into a word processor set to 'blend' - <G>. Valerafon, while I would be lying to claim having Marknew's consistency, has very good moments and if I ever find him I will lock him in a basement till at least three more chapters of "My Bavarian Assignment" get slid under the door. Jimmy Dimples of course. Several stories by Diana the Valkyrie herself. I even rather like "The Magic Ring" by Plowjack who tends rather more towards the "What Fun" than "Long plotted out series" end of the spectrum in many ways.

Hope that helps. I think "Star Stones" is going to join some illustrious company - but I do indeed believe he will have company.

Pug

If I criticize, I mean it.

When I compliment, I mean it as well.

I've only read the two stories of yours. Whatever my opinion of the one scene, the first showcased your talent well. This one is quite frankly a much stronger showing, more in-depth characterization, and very good plotting. If anything I think the fantastical nature of this kind of venue makes this kind of story *harder* in a swords and sorcery setting such as this because of the ease of relying on magic - but so far you have done a very good job with building up and holding to a consistent internal logic within the setting.

I think you have a story that will fall in amongst the ones I posted, which frankly range from excellent to, well, Marknew. I don't place it in that company casually and I look forward to reading it.

Pug