Rinji, I can’t love you the way you love me.

I swear, I never thought I’d come back here after last time. But things have gotten so bad on Deviantart, that I just feel like I need to take this somewhere where I know Rinji Pantera will read it. This has to end.

The following journals are copy-pasted. I don’t think I have the heart to write this all out again.

—

But now that that’s out of the way, I need to get to the heart of the matter. There’s something I feel the need to say publically.

Rinjipantera… I can’t love you the way you want me to.

From all reports, Rinji is still sending notes, messages and comments to anyone and everyone who so much as favorites a story chapter of mine, much less anyone who’s willing to do a request for me, or anyone he thinks did a pic because I asked for it (I caught him on that Supremoqx one). He even joined in on an effort to spam my page that only went unpunished because it took two months for Deviantart to get back to the complaint, and they’d deleted the page by then.

It’s pretty obvious what’s going on here. In the past, Rinji has started a flame war campaign against me, but even when I was proven innocent for what he accused me of (getting banned), he refused to apologize. He reported simple, innocent photo mashups I created for my fan fiction (which are all on Photobucket now), and aligned with anyone who even intimates that they might have a problem with me. Even after I blocked him, he’s become obsessed with me. But looking back, it’s not really obsession, is it?

Rinji is in love with me.

He obviously can’t express it, but he himself has admitted in past journals of his that he acts irrationally sometimes, and wishes and needs to be forgiven for it. Yet his obsession with me and his attempts to isolate me from Deviantart have been going on for a long time. It’s the textbook definition of cyber-stalking, and yes, I used to feel angry and annoyed. But after the ‘Prosecution’ series, all I feel is sadness. The sadness of knowing someone loves you, and you can’t love them back.

This might explain why he’s been trying to throw himself into work so heavily, can’t deal with his roomate/s, or even keep his end of a serious relationship up. We know he’s sensitive… he’s posted rants before about how he plans on moving all his work to a private site because not enough people were favoriting his work. And obviously, he’s read every single, solitary thing I’ve written about him, and has proven as such in his responses. He’s ranted before about how depressed he is that he felt that everyone he knows on Yahoo Messenger has abandoned him.

I’m guessing that he must feel in love with me because I pay him so much attention. He’s even said in his own journals that he feels like his entire Yahoo Messenger list has left him and betrayed him. And by trying to lie to people and run them off, he figures the less friends I have, the more of a chance I’ll turn to him. The fact that he keeps trying to make his original character, some purple thing, more and more muscular in order to attract me… well, I can’t prove that’s the reason, but if you turn the puzzle piece the right way, it fits in somewhere eventually. He even compared me to some super hero character in some movie. It’s all very flattering, but it’s time to confront the real issue here.

Some think it’s jealousy, considering how he blocks me from all the female muscle groups he’s been able to get on the governship of, simply because he doesn’t want anyone else to read my stories. But it’s not about his making other people suffer, or trying to suppress work he knows is better than his. It’s more of the isolationism… if I’m allowed on those groups, he knows I’ll make new fans there. Fans he’d feel would retract from his ‘private time’ with me. That’s why he’s been begging for me to take him off of ignore, although he refuses to take me off of ignore on the groups.

So let me to speak to you. The real Rinji.

I understand that you love me.

But I can’t reciprocate that.

And I’m sorry I can’t love you the way you feel you deserve to be loved.

If it’s any consolation, relationships over the internet don’t work out that often anyways. But I know there’s not going to be much consolation for the feelings you must be feeling right now. If there’s a small consolation here, anything I can offer, there’s an album out there… ‘808s & Heartbreak’ by Kanye West. Maybe listening to it will help you figure things out, or at least help relieve some of the pain you’re feeling.

I’m sorry I can’t love you the way you want me to. And if you unblock me from those groups so I can share my work with everyone else, I still can’t love you the way you want me to. But it might help you start healing.

You have my permission to move on.

In fact, you have my blessing.

Now you need to give yourself permission to love again.

—

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3511142/

“And talking shit about him behind his back is easy entertainment for me.”

“I long for the day when he gets sodomized by rabid monkeys and booted into hell while being clusterfucked by some giant seagulls.”

“Everything is your fault. In fact, just by typing on that keyboard and posting that vomit-inducing text called a journal, where the only possible comments you get are from people who force you to hide what they have to say because you lack any skin, proves that you are wrong. Yes, if you look up the word wrong in the dictionary, you will find wbl’s picture next to it.”

“You are a dirty, stuck up, sadistic, shit eating, cocksucking, butt fucking, penis smelling, crotch grabbing, ball licking, semen drinking, dog raping, Nazi loving, child touching, cow humping, perverted, spineless, heartless, mindless, dickless, testicle choking, urine gargling, jerk offing, horse faced, sheep fondling, toilet kissing, self-centered, feces puking, dildo shoving, snot spitting, crap gathering, big nosed, monkey slapping, bastard screwing, bean shitting, fart knocking, sack busting, splooge tasting, bear blowing, head swallowing, bitch snatching, hand jobbing, donkey caressing, mucus spewing, anal plugging, hole grabbing, uncircumcised, sewer sipping, whore mongering, piss swimming, midget munching, douchebag, hole biting, carnivorous mail-order prostituting asshole.”

“In conclusion, I have no intention of feeding him anymore after this”

This was eight months ago.

He is still obsessed with me to this day.

Please. Rinji. Read my personal message to you and leave the memories alone. Your heart will only be poisoned if you obsess with me any further. You need to move on from the heartbreak. It’s preventing you from moving on as a person. It’s poisioning your friendships. And from what I can see of your gallery, it’s obviously negatively affecting your creativity. Did you ever think this lust for me might be one of the reasons you can’t keep a serious emotional relationship?

I understand you love me.

I understand that this is how you express your need and desire for me.

I only want you to grow up and move on.

It’s what God wants.

And deep in your heart, I know it’s what you want.