New story I wrote

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  • September 7, 2005 at 1:16 am #12913
    helplesscase
    Participant

    I posted a new story at http://www.thevalkyrie.com/stories/1misc20/yearzero.txt
    I came across this blog the other day and I want to solicit opinions about the story.  I know the story is a bit long.  I just worked on it sparatically over th past year and it kept changing and growing.  I saw that some comments were already posted about it, which I appreciated.  I thought the story might jump around a bit too much, but I wanted to take seveal characters into different directions.  I would appreciate any comments relating to the amount of description (too much too little) and pace of the story.

    September 7, 2005 at 3:00 am #12914
    alex
    Participant

    First of all,  welcome to the board.  You're most welcome here.

    Second, your stories can never be too long.  🙂

    As I said in the other post, I really liked this story.  I like the way you show the slow (sometimes not so slow) change in power and the effects not only on the physical side, but the emotional as well.  Even if  at times I find your males too accepting and your women too violent to be real, I'm sure that's your style, and in the end, you write it so  convincingly, that I end up byuing it.

    Congratulations.

    Are you going to write followups?  Year:One, Year:10, etc…?

    September 7, 2005 at 4:37 am #12915
    oldFred
    Participant

    Now that's an idea – Year1, Year10.
    If you can keep the stories paced the same way and the characters as believable as in YearZero, you'll have a winner of a series.
    Well done!
    BTW, did you write the numbered segments separately or write the story of each couple and then split them up?
    fred

    September 7, 2005 at 8:02 am #12916
    minimanmax
    Participant

    Yes I agree with the other 2 that your story is good. Better than anything I could probly write. Me I like the stories where women come into power I'm now curious on how they are going to use it. If socail laws are going to change where it would be a sin to hit a man (much like it is for a man to hit a woman now). And are female rapeists going to be looked at like they are lower than the lowest scum on the earth. Well any way keep the story going. I look forward to your next chapter or work.

    September 7, 2005 at 11:32 am #12917
    Mark Newman
    Participant

    Glad you've found us, Helplesscase.  I've always enjoyed your stories and have used them as springboards for my own in some cases, as you probably know.

    I don't think the story jumped around too much at all.  It's a common style now to use several plot streams at the same time, and gradually to show how they are all linked.  I think it works well when you are portraying a shift in the whole world and it enables the reader to draw his own connections and conclusions.  It also makes it easy to play with different characters and story lines.

    I also think the pace is fine.  For me, the pace can never be "too slow" because what I am enjoying (and I think many of us here feel the same way) is the depiction of an altered universe where women are strong.  It's being there, not getting to the end, that's important, so the longer you let us play in your universe the better.

    We all have different favorite things to dwell on.  For me it's the power shift, so the earlier scenes when the changes are just getting going and the girls start bursting with muscle are my favorite parts.  For others it may be the domination scenes or the infantilization parts.  Your story has it all, and that's a good thing.

    Thanks for writing, and welcome to this forum.

    Mark

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