Aliana’s Rebirth, Part 1

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  • #18719
    R13
    Participant

    Well, here's my first story. Didn't quite know where to put this, so it goes here.

    Aliana's Rebirth, part 1

    “Well, that’s all for now. Don’t forget to pay on the way out.” Doctor Aliana smiled after saying this, but, as usual, her patient grumbled. It may have been that he disliked the fact that he had to pay for health care, or the fact that during the examination, she deflected a poorly-constructed advance against hr by the teen. Either way, he did seem rather dissatisfied. Aliana sighed softly, and put her feet up on the desk, leaning back in her chair. She certainly hated having to deal with these kinds of people in general. But, one had to work to eat, and being a doctor did come with plentiful monetary and spiritual rewards. Aliana was a good doctor, after all.
    She was, quite bluntly, quite a big doctor, in every aspect one might think of. Standing at 6’ 4” in height was certainly enough of an oddity on its own, but the rest of her was quite impressive as well. Her long, brown hair was done in a single, thick braid that she slung over her front, and even then it reached down to the top of her hips. Her warm green eyes were framed by a pair of round, wire-rimmed glasses. Her white doctor’s coat hung easily from her unusually, but not grotesquely, broad shoulders. She needed the strength, too. Her arms were certainly not lacking in it as well, but her thick, red sweater covered a pair of enormous breasts, certainly larger than her own head, and semi-firm. Her waist was certainly solid, but not particularly fat, and that curved out into a pair of wide hips and thick rump, snugly wrapped in a black skirt that reached down to the middle of her thick, strong thighs. The rest of her powerful legs were covered in a pair of dark stockings.
    Her feet, covered by a pair of dark shoes, carried her out of the office, and she quietly placed her bag in her car. Interestingly enough, the advent of magic had not made doctors obsolete. Healing magic had a tendency to grow things that weren’t previously there, or merely alter diseases into something different, or worse. Aliana quietly chewed a pierce of gum as she drove home, back to her apartment on the outskirts of her home city. The drive always gave her time to think about things, about her life, her profession, and so on.
    She certainly enjoyed being a doctor, that’s for sure. She was well-versed in everything she needed to know for her profession. However, it was beginning to wear on her, despite the fact that she had only been in active practice for three years. She was tired of being lied to, of being treated as if she said she was going to open up someone with a rusty knife and apply the leeches directly to the injury. Not that leeches didn’t have their uses, but they certainly weren’t a cure-all. That, and the ever-present threat of the lawsuit was enough to keep her on edge. Her endowments didn’t put stress on her: That dubious honor belonged to her job.
    Aliana thought about sighing in frustration again, but that would be too cliché for her own tastes. These thoughts did preoccupy her as she drove down the road, and they did so much to distract her that she almost didn’t notice the roadblock. She managed to avoid crashing into it, however, and she looked around to see what the problem of the day happened to by. Some magical accident, or merely a pileup, or something actually serious.
    The police had cordoned off the area for a good reason. Demons weren’t a common thing, and easily put down, once they were found, but this little episode seemed to be a tad personal. Aliana couldn’t help but noticed what seemed to be a rather large woman, clad in a practical version of the leather and chain panopoly that seems to accompany amazon warrior women. The demon itself was a typical affair. Very tall, blood-red skin, bat-like, leathery wings, and horns. Nothing too unusual. However, Aliana couldn’t help but find herself drawn to the combat, unlike, say, a sane person. After sneaking around the barricade through a back alley, she got a closer look.
    The woman was hurt, but so was her opponent. Neither side had an advantage against the other, and neither spoke. It was the demon’s claws against the amazon’s battleaxe, to be sure, one that Aliana would have to wield with two hands of she got a hold of it. The warrior woman was wielding it with one hand. A rattling of metal at her feet distracted the doctor, and she looked back. There was a second axe, the twin of the first, and it appeared to be trying to scoot its way back towards its mistress. Some unknown urge manifested itself within the doctor, and she picked up the weapon with both hands. It was a good axe. How she knew this, however, was beyond the doctor, since she had never wielded such a weapon in her life.
    After watching a couple of exchanges of blows between woman and monster, her blood began to run hot, and she gripped the handle of the weapon. Something seemed to possess the good doctor, and she couldn’t help but fling herself into the battle. The monster, not expecting this, suddenly found a magical axe slice into the back of his knee, sending him to the ground. The demon looked over to Aliana, but by then it was too late. The sheer shock of this allowed the amazon to recover, and deliver a blow that no beast could survive through the back of the creature’s skull, finishing it. The monster’s body dissipated in a cloud of black vapor. Aliana dropped her weapon in surprise at what she did, and looked meekly at the amazon woman who she had helped.
    Aliana felt a bit inadequate. The woman was surely at least half a foot taller than herself, which was duly impressive in her eyes. The woman wasn’t as neatly groomed, however, her own long brown hair somewhat tangled, and a bit dirty. Understandable since she had just been in a fight. The woman’s green eyes were more intense than her own. Of course, everything else about the woman was bigger as well. There was no mistaking the full definition of her powerful muscles, both arms and legs. There was not an inch of excess on her torso, save for her impressive, firm bust, proportionally the size of Aliana’s but seeming all the larger for their lack of sag. The cleavage formed by her leather and chain armor was impressive, but her outfit was surprisingly practical, covering the rest of her torso quite well.
    Of course, the first thing Aliana noticed was the cuts on the woman, and she finally gained the courage to speak. “Ah… You look hurt, miss. If you’ll let me, I’d like to help.” Now, being smashed into paste wasn’t something that Aliana would like, but her profession made it unavoidable for her to give that offer. Curiously enough, the woman seemed to understand her, and the amazon followed Aliana through the barricade. The police were busy photographing and exorcizing the spot where the monster fell.

    *******

    Aliana’s apartment was actually quite spacious, though her new companion did have to duck under the doorframe. Her car was brought back by a friend of hers, so no worries there. The amazon sat comfortably on Aliana’s bed while the doctor went through the motions of disinfecting the wounds. “Well, this should be rather easy. Now, I can tell you’re not from around here. Did you come through a portal, perhaps?”
    The amazon nodded, and a bracer on her left arm seemed to activate. The amazon did, in fact, speak Aliana’s language, perhaps a result of some magical device of her own. “Yes. I sometimes come this way, just to relax in a wilderness not of my own world. However, that thing mis-directed me, which is how I came to combat that creature in the middle of one of your streets.” She smiled, showing that her teeth were in good shape. Aliana knew that it was most likely because the world where the amazon came from didn’t have a processed sugar industry. “Thank you for your help. My name is Phaeris Stoneaxe, a princess of my tribe. You are bigger than most of the women I have observed here, interestingly enough. Do you prefer it this way?”
    Aliana blushed a little as she bandaged that well-muscled arm, and thinks for a moment. “Well, I enjoy being a doctor, to be sure, but it may not work the same way here as it does where you do. In all truth, being so big has been a bit of a hinderance to me. Intimidation isn’t positive around here, and strong women… Well, that’s a bit looked down on.”
    Phaeris looked quite confused, and placed a strong hand on one of Aliana’s wide hips. “But… You seem very resilient and powerful, and very ripe with fertility. Shouldn’t someone have been found to provide you with children? Wait… No, you don’t have any. None of the signs are here. It seems that we have much to discuss. I know where the portal is, but I’ll need you as a guide, since I’m not exactly from a city of steel and stone, as you seem to be. I would like you to come with, anyway. You seem more like one of us than someone who lives in this place.”
    Aliana blinked slowly at this assertion, and looked herself over. She certainly had many physical qualities in common with Phaeris… Well, it’s not like it could truly do any harm to go with. “Well… I’ll have to get my things together, and leave a note, just in case I decide to leave with you after all. We’ll go tomorrow.”

    *****

    Aliana was very thankful that she wore shoes instead of heels. Luckily, the amazon’s portal was in the woods fairly close to the edge of her home city. However, it was in a place where there were no roads, or even real paths to follow. She had to rely on, and trust Phaeris’s instincts. Her stockings, needless to say, were slowly being torn up by the undergrowth, something that did not please Aliana one bit. Still, though, this was better than simply letting Phaeris try to find her own way. Besides, she did feel a strange sense of kinship towards the amazon, and after the sun went down, both of them agreed that it was time to sleep.
    Aliana rolled out her sleeping bag. She could tell that precipitation was nonexistent, at least for tonight. She thought it quite characteristic that Phaeris seemed quite comfortable on the bare ground laying on her back as she looked up into the trees. “Mmmm… You know, when I get back, I’m going to be in the same kind of place. Different stars, of course, but woods like these? It’s a place like this where I make my home.”
    Aliana simply tore off as much of the stockings as she could, and stuffed them into one of her bags before slipping her bare feet into the sleeping bag. She put her glasses aside as well, as she certainly wasn’t going to be going anywhere. “Well, what kind of place is your home, anyway?”
    Phaeris giggled quietly at this, amazing Aliana with the ability of such a large person to make such a soft sound. “Well, you know how it is… Okay, you don’t, but it’s like this. It’s really just a place for women to be whatever they will, nothing more than that. A community of sisterhood, you might say.”
    “A community of sisterhood…” Aliana yawned softly, and it had been a terribly long walk to where they were. Her entire body felt tired out from the day’s activity, and she closed her warm green eyes, drifting off to a gentle sleep. She didn’t stir, or toss, or turn, her mind full of new thoughts, imagining a place like the amazon described. Simple, honest, welcoming, like the woman herself. She was tired, but her stress was gone, as she went over and over the idea of leaving her home to go with this amazon, thinking about where it could lead.
    Waking up the next morning she stirred gently, pressing her face against warm skin… Wait, that wasn’t right. It did feel right to nuzzle against it, however, and her brain did register the strong arms around her waist. She wouldn’t allow herself to be embarrassed: This was probably the amazon’s way. She nuzzled once again into the enormous breast, smiling as she considers the bare humanity of the woman who held her for what felt like most of the night. She wouldn’t consider ending this early herself, and quietly rested in the embrace of her friend for some time. The stirring of the woman next to her signaled that, however reluctantly, Aliana had to get up. She quietly packed her things.
    In fact, neither of them said a word as they moved on, both of them fully understanding what had happened. Basking in those feelings was a new thing for the good doctor, and she couldn’t shake them. A complete stranger doing this for her… Who knows how Phaeris treated family? Or was Phaeris considering her as family? Aliana shook her head, trying to make sense. In fact, not much had made sense in the past couple of days. It seemed, however, that the moment of truth was at hand.
    The portal was not a shining beacon when it opened, not in the least. It was an open black doorway, Phaeris simply smiled, and entered, and Aliana swallowed in nervousness. Her feet, though trembling, carried her forward, step, after step. She felt weighed down more with every inch she traveled. When she was only one foot away from the black entrance, she felt a new resolve well up within her, and she straightend up, following the amazon through. The forest she entered looked much like the one she left, only being picked up by Phaeris wasn’t part of the usual environs of her home. “Glad you decided to come. I think you’ll like it here.”

    End of part one

    #18720
    dr_muscles
    Participant

    Please take this as constructive criticism:

    Why make Aliana's worlds so different?

    It would seem to make more sense to set part 1 in the "real world" with Aliana being a woman who is frankly too big for it.  This would make the alure of the Amazon's world more understandable.  Obviously Aliana's got some fighting spirit which would completed frustrated as a doctor in the "real world."  You could play off the disastifaction and more reliably use Aliana as a tool for the reader to explore and understand the Amazon's new world. 

    Let me phrase it this way:  By starting Aliana in this alien world what have you gained?  It becomes a story of moving from one alien world to another.  If Aliana's going to leave it all behind why bother to waste this magic/modern era world idea?  By the time you've set it up, broken up your narrative flow to explain its norms and its quirks, you're already writing Aliana's exodus from it.

    I think the scene with the demon would have more impact if it wasn't just slightly unusual.  Image instead that Aliana pulls up to a police baricade in the real world and sees a huge beast and… is that a woman with a battle axe?!  I can just imagine the police office looking up at Aliana and in a panicky voice yelling "Ma'am don't panic, we have the situtation under control!"  When Aliana jumps the baricade and hits that thing with what ever weapon she can improvise your reader now understands just how unusual your protagonists fighting spirit is, and why the amazon is suddenly so endeared to her.

    I'll be interested to see what you do in part 2.  Keep writing!

    #18721
    R13
    Participant

    Yeah, I was actually considering something of a rewrite myself, but was a little unsure. It just felt a little rushed to me, and I'll be glad to go back over it.

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