Re: Divided Light – Chapter 1

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  • August 28, 2006 at 5:20 pm #37646
    The_Pimp_NeonBlack
    Participant

    I kinda imagined the characters (Outside of Sharon and Marissa) like the personalities I based them off of with a twist of my own. But youre much more experienced at writing than I am, and if you think thats needed, Ill keep it in mind and try not to mess up in the next chapter.

    Thank you both on the comments.

    You are most welcome, dear friend, and I's know that you can never miss anything if you use all the passion of your Young Heart and strong mind.

    I's greatly look forward to all your future works, my's dear friend.

    Peace
    Neon

    August 29, 2006 at 3:19 am #37647
    Debido-San
    Participant

    Not too bad for a first story, and first chapter, reminds me of the good ol' RP days on TBAX lol

    but yeah, I agree with Neon on everything, nice touch with the dialogue and speech differences, but I don't know (and I'm probably not the only one lol) who some of the referred people are. lol and I loved the artist refs too

    August 29, 2006 at 7:54 am #37648
    BlackKusanagi
    Participant

    Not too bad for a first story, and first chapter, reminds me of the good ol' RP days on TBAX lol

    but yeah, I agree with Neon on everything, nice touch with the dialogue and speech differences, but I don't know (and I'm probably not the only one lol) who some of the referred people are. lol and I loved the artist refs too

    How could you not know fran, lol. She was the semi hot really annoying voiced lady from "The Nanny".

    August 31, 2006 at 8:17 am #37649
    00tree
    Participant

    Good stuff keep it coming. I've always liked your vixen character. That is the one you use for your avitar isn't it?

    September 1, 2006 at 2:13 am #37650
    BlackKusanagi
    Participant

    Exactly. The avi is her before she died. This story takes place about 7 months after she came back, which was 5 years after her death.

    September 3, 2006 at 1:26 am #37651
    Fonk
    Participant

    That's great work! I'm looking forward to the next chapter. I'm hoping for some sort of flashback about how Sharon got her powers… 😉

    September 4, 2006 at 2:34 am #37652
    ze fly
    Participant

    Look at the eyes of this smiley:  😮
    Your eyelids are heavy, Sleep now I want it… Now repeat after me: chapter 2… chapter 2…
    You'll awake in 3 seconds and only think about finishing  the second chapter of this story.

    September 4, 2006 at 6:24 pm #37653
    00tree
    Participant

    Look at the eyes of this smiley:  😮
    Your eyelids are heavy, Sleep now I want it… Now repeat after me: chapter 2… chapter 2…
    You'll awake in 3 seconds and only think about finishing  the second chapter of this story.

    ZZZ… ZZZ… ZZZ…

    September 5, 2006 at 9:31 pm #37654
    BlackKusanagi
    Participant

    Lol… Im still working on it… but balancing class with it too. I could go over Sharon's start, but It might expand what I originally planned for the second chapter into the third one. Cause if I do cover her start, I might have to cover her death and return also. lol. Ill see what I can do.

    September 5, 2006 at 9:50 pm #37655
    AlexG
    Keymaster

    Looks to be a most excellent story start, Sir BK – just be certain that you finish it, else we'll send out a squad of husky Amazons for ya.  😉

    ZZZ… ZZZ… ZZZ…

    Ah, do be careful – saying his name three times can run the risk of summoning that paragon of GTS-dom, the WizZZZ.

    “I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself.”
    ~ Mark Twain / Samuel Clemens (1907)

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