Amaz0ns.com community art collabo: My Contribution

Before we get to any pics, though… there's a story first.

Somewhere over the Indian Ocean

Summa Matrei gazed out from the observation deck at the vast expanse of land on Earth's curved horizon.  She shook her head sadly.  "Earth.  How can a world that gives the universe red roses, black and white pandas, dolphins and such beautiful children be so stiffnecked and unwilling?"  She turned back to the ship's greenery, and walked down the path among the stout trees and flowers from her homeworld.  She took a kibanaberry bush's leaf and stroked it between her index finger and thumb. 

"So much we want to give you," she said softly.  "We want to share our strength… our knowledge… our love.  But your leaders must demand on doing things THEIR way."  She shook her head sadly.  "And those under them… why must they insist on silently following them?"

One of the honor guards flanking her, looked her way.  She started to offer a hand to her monarch's shoulder, a comforting word, her support.  But the other guard reached and gently caught her comrade's wrist. 

"Protocol, Amatoria," she whispered.  "She must ask for it first."

Amatoria glanced back.  But before she withdrew to her spot, Summa Matrei started to shimmer.  Then glow.  Then the air close around her body started to crackle and sparkle.  The empress glanced all around herself, then looked to her guard.  Before she could speak… BZAT!  She vanished into thin air.

The guards stared at the empty space for a long instant.  "My Mother?" Amatoria finally asked.  Then she felt the area where her most esteemed, revered leader was.  "My Mother?!"

***

Another Continuum
Base 835, Southeastern Xinjiang, China

Down the corridor, Jamil pushed the vat.  The liquid inside was very hot, just one hair too hot for a proper bath.  He was severely tempted to jump in, relax, and soak anyway.  That jasmine smelled so good.  But he knew this wasn't for him.

He stopped at the tightly locked steel double doors, and stepped in front of the speaker pad and scanner.  He gazed into the eye holes, and let the light shine into his irises.  The digital voice then said, "Retina I.D. check:  Al-Horesh, Jamil.  Please say password."

"New shoes."

K-chunk.  Wssssh.  The double doors unlocked and slid open, and Jamil rolled the vat on into the tall warehouse.  To his left along one wall, on many tiers, was a bank of Chinese soldiers, all on computers, pecking away.  Right in front of him was a gigantic computer screen, the size of a movie theatre.  Off to the right was a widespread laboratory, with doctors in white coats doing analyses and checking specimens. 

And right in the middle, sitting crosslegged, was a giantess.  A Chinese giantess, eighteen lovely meters tall.  One with black hair streaming down her massive back to the concrete floor.

"Hello!  Black Lotus!" he called up.  "Your tea's here!" 

Craning her neck around, she looked down behind her.  "Oh!  Jamil!" she chirped.  And she pulled her legs in, spun around on her bottom so she faced him.  "Great, I needed a break." And he wheeled the vat in toward her resting desk-sized hand.  "Why not get yourself a cup before I put it to my lips?"

He filled his canteen, and she reached over to take her vat/teacup in her right hand, picked up Jamil in her left, and getnly set him upon her knee.  "So," she said, after taking a sip, "how's your day been so far?"

"Same as usual," Jamil said. "Sheer paradise compared to the GLA.  You?"

"Same for me too," she said.  "Teaching our hackers via the Internet, letting the docs examine me.  I'm bored silly."  She shifted a bit, forgetting about Jamil, who lost his balance and slid down her thigh like a playground slide, and landed in her lap.  "Oh dear!" she exclaimed.  "Are you okay?"   

Jamil laughed a bit.  "Never better.  That was fun."

She smiled.  "So, what do you want to do for lunch?  English lesson or Windows XP lesson?"

Before he could answer, he noticed the warehouse around him was a lot brighter.  Nearly blinding.  He looked around, and noticed all that light was shimmering out of Black Lotus.  "Lotus?" he exclaimed.  "What's going on!?"

Black Lotus stared at her lamp-post long forearm, stuck for an answer.  And then… BZAT!  She disappeared. 

Jamil fell down, landing hard on his bottom on the concrete floor.  He dropped his canteen of tea.  CLANG! The vat slammed onto the surface in front of him, and spilled all that tea toward him, giving an inadvertant bath he wanted.

He was bewildered, as the technicians and doctors rushed to where she was.  Inexplicably, though, he mused it could have been worse: he could've been on her knee when she went away.
 
***

Yet Another Contiunuum
The Outer Banks, North Carolina, USA

The bird flew away as fast as it could, trying to evade its predator.  But the creature below just kept up, running fast on the ground.  The bird then swooped up, trying to go as high as it could, and maybe light on a branch to rest.  It was so tired.  These trees, these plants were totally unfamiliar.  And there wasn't any food nearby.  Why did it leave its home in the first place out into this unknown world anyway?

Just as it topped out of its ascent and looked for a limb to land on… Wssh!  The next thing the bird was trapped within a padded paw!  Oh no!  How'd that beast get up there so fast?!  It rustled, squawked, struggled, but the grip was too strong. 

The paw then turned the bird so it faced its hunter… it had a face like the big two-legged walkers below, but ears like a cat atop its pink hair.  Whatever this thing was, the bird realized:  this was the end! 

Then the hunter thing did something unexpected… instead of popping the bird in its mouth… she patted the bird's head with its other paw.

"Don't worry, meow," she said softly with a smile. "Kitty-kin's not gonna eat mew." She then gently held up a small plastic container the size of a Lipton tea box, put the bird in, and snapped the air-holed lid shut.  She then spoke into her headset walkie-talkie.  "Dr. Terry? Found another one, meow." 

"Great," the doctor radioed back.  "That makes it 5 specimens we've recovered.  At this rate, we'll get the whole batch before sundown.  Where are you now? Oh, never mind, I see you.  Up in the tree.  Yeah like you're… glowing?"

Kitty-kins looked around her self.  Her ears, her arms, her legs, her tail… everything was glowing!

BZAT!  Then she was gone.

***

Yup, It's Another Continuum
B.G.S.S.T.R. Zone 42:  Eastern Australia.

Sitting in the ute all alone, Martissa Morgan swept the scanner across Outback desert repeatedly.  North-northeast.  Nothing.  Northeast. Nothing.  East-northeast.  Nothing.  She swept it point to point, checking for any reading.  ANYTHING.  To her appreciative tedium, she didn't even get a blip.  Satisfied, she nodded, pressed on the gas pedal and left the secured area.  She didn't even want to risk a phone call, just in case the Bureau was monitoring.  She knew they'd absolutely drool if they even suspected that the Cristofan Organisation had a theta rad piles depot for fake quantsigs out here.  And every single Big Sis in Australia would swarm in if they knew how much was out here.  She looked forward to stopping once she was well enough away from there, unfolding the pallet and cot in the pickup bed in back, and getting her snooze.  Then she'd make the drive back to Brisbane, and see about taking Monty out for dinner and a movie.

Just then, the ute's cab brightened.  Martissa blinked.  She didn't remember turning on the interior light.  Then she checked her hands, her ample chest, her thick legs.  The light was coming from her!  And it was crackling! But theta radiation isn't supposed to glow like that, she thought.

BZAT!  Soon, the driverless ute toodled down the track.

***

OK, This Won't Continuum

Martissa fell a short while and landed on what felt like soft ground.  It was a dark grey void all around her… like a night fog.  But up ahead, she saw some puzzling things.  Ahead of her in a clearing of sorts, there was a very tall, VERY muscular catgirl with pink hair and a white string bikini.  She guessed kitty had about 13 inches on her.  She looked like someone had played a mean trick on her.  Way behind her was an insanely huge Chinese woman in what looked like a thin, plain olive-drab military uniform.  About 60 feet tall if Martissa got the math right. 

By her right foot was another strong, equally proportionately muscled, deep-chested middle aged woman with silvering burnette hair cropped short, wearing a red, white and golden toga.  More than eleven feet tall easy.  She was looking sternly down at the shortest person in the "room:"  a 5' 9" fat nerdy guy with glasses, a tacky plaid shirt, and a gut lopping over his jeans.

"So," the older woman glared, "you mean summoned us all down here… for your friends to ogle at our pictures?"

"Meow got more important stuff to do," hissed the catgirl. 

"I've got a campaign against terrorism to run," the giantess said surprisingly calmly.

"That's gonna wait," the fat guy said, folding his arms smugly.  "I created it all anyway.  And all you.  I'm the potter, and you're the clay!  I hold your destinies… your very being… in my hands!  BWA-HAHAHAHAHA!"

"Send us back, meow!" the catgirl snarled. "Or–"

"–Or you'll do what you're told!" the nerd said.  "With a smile!"

With that, the faces on each of those massive maidens changed.  They all became happy, and cheerful… though Martissa could tell in their eyes that this wasn't natural. 

"Much better," fatty said.  "Now toss these on, and let's go to the cameras."  And he went to this stack of brick-red fabric. 

Martissa finally spoke up.  "Excuse me?"

The guy turned around and his eyes lit up.  "Ah, my first fave.  Hi, Martissa.  Ready to join in?"

"Before I do," she said, carefully, "May I ask you some questions, Mister, um…"

"Just call me J.D."

"Okay, J.D." She approached casually, like they were going to have lunch. "So you're our creator?"

"Yeah.  I write stories about strong women.  You're my first, in fact.  But we're doing a collabo project, and I've never had pictures of you to show anyone."

"So… pretty much each and every one of us is a part of your mind and soul." She drew closer.  "We're, in an abstract way, in some teeny tiny part… you."

J.D. scrunched up his nose.  "Well… yeah… I mean, Kitty-kin's inspired by a picture, and BL's based off a game, but… I guess so."

Martissa tilted her head, and arched her brows like she was a school teacher talking a student out of doing something bad.  "So then you'd know that forcing your will upon someone else like this is all wrong, right?"  She stepped in front of him.  "That if the tables were turned, you wouldn't want Whoever wrote you to force-march you into His plotline?"

J.D. folded his fingers.  "Uh…"

She touched his right cheek with her fingertips.  "If I had the skill to write a story, and I wrote my character very well, I know I did the job right if I tried to change him, rewrite him, and he seems to say, 'no, don't do that, that's just not me.'  That's what you've done here."

J.D. blushed.  "Well…"

"Tell ya what.  How about we make this fun?" she reached into her pocket and pulled out a deck of cards.  "What say you and we girls play a game for it?  Five card draw poker?  You win, and we go do what you say."

J.D. twiddled with his collar.  "Well… hey, wait a minute.  Four girls against one guy?  I don't think so."

He snapped his fingers 4 times.  BZOT! Jamil appeared.  He looked around.  "Black Lotus!  There you are!  But where am I?"

BZOT! Then a very beefy guy in a muscle shirt, shorts, and a Carolina Panthers cap popped up.  He whipped his head around. 

"Hey, wait… where's the gym?"  Then a panicked look cracked across his face. and he covered his shoulders.  "Oh, crap!  Where's my suit!"

"It's okay, Monty," J.D. said.  "No Big Sister satellites here."

BZOT!  And a round-bellied but strong professor in a white lab coat materialized.  After a triple-take, he spotted Kitty-kins.  "There you are!" he exclaimed.  "But where are we?  And who are all these people?"

BZOT!  A college graduate in red and white striped pajamas appeared.  He looked around.  "What the… what's going on?"  Then he stared at Summa Matrei, and jumped with a start.  "You!?" 

"Take it easy, Xavier," J.D. reassured.  "Just pretend this is a dream."  And as his face relaxed, so did Summa Matrei's, Kitty's and Black Lotus'.  They were apprehensive, but at least natural.  J.D. draped his arms around the guys's shoulders.  "Sooo, gentlemen… feel like playing some cards with some babes?"

***

Martissa cringed.  This idea didn't go as well as she hoped.  After J.D. had served the drinks and snacks, handed everyone $1000 in chips, and signed the contract she'd drawn up, she thought she'd have clobbered everyone else.  And yes, Xavier fell first, and Jamil quickly followed.  But then Black Lotus had trouble squinting at those tiny little cards on her finger, and mistook four spades and a club for a flush, and lost everything.  Monty steadily ground the others down.  While she'd won what was left of Dr. Terry's stake, Monty figured out that Summa Matrei narrowed her eyes on a bad hand and arched an eyebrow on a good one.  She noticed it too.  But by then, he'd whittled her down and out of the game.  And bluffing on a pair of threes, too!  And when she'd called him on the last hand, he smoked her with a straight, eight of clubs high, over her two pairs, queens and sevens.

It was down to Kitty-kins and Monty.  Martissa shook her head, looked to the brick-red shirts, and hoped they got her size right. 

Kitty-kins peered at her hand.  "Meow meow, two cards, please," she said.

Monty peeled them off.  He checked his own hand, and smiled confidently.  "I'll stand with these."

The guys looked at each other with grins. "Ooooooo."

Kitty gazed at her little pile.  And she reached for a chip and tossed it into the pot.  "Meow bet ten."

Monty looked at his big stack of chips.  Then he looked right at Kitty.  "Aw, let's cut to the chase." 

And he pushed the whole works into the middle of the table. 

Kitty stared at that massive mound of betting material in front of her.  She mewed weakly.  "Meow don't have enough to cover that."

Monty chuckled.  "Aw, too bad.  But it's all been fun, right folks?  Good times for everybody.  Just like the photo shoot!" And he reached for the wad.

Summa Matrei's hand then fell on Monty's.  "WAIT!" 

Monty glared.  "What?! I wasn't cheating!"

"I know you weren't." She turned to J.D. and pulled something from the folds of her toga.  It looked like a sticker.  "Put this on your forehead."

J.D. squinted at her.  "Why?"

She shot a glare.  "Because I say please," she muttered icily.

Unsure.  J.D. stuck it on. 

"Now draw a sketch of my portrait."

J.D. looked at her cockeyed.  "Are you kidding?!  I can't even doodle decently."

"Just trust me."

Convinced she was off her rocker, J.D. humored her.  And he grabbed a pencil and paper.

Twenty minutes later, he showed a lovely three-quarter profile of the Eugenian empress.  Everyone oohed and ahhed. 

Then it hit him.  "I can draw… I can draw!"  Then he leaped six feet in the air with the biggest grin.  "I CAN DRAW!!!"

Swipe!  Just after he landed, Summa's quick fingers snatched the sticker off.  "You mean you could have drawn."  Then with a magnaminous smile she tossed it into the pot.  "That bit of Eugenian technology, and Kitty's stake, versus Monty's winnings and the photo shoot.  Do you agree to what you Earthlings call, the Terms of Services?"

Monty folded his arms.  "Aw, I don't thin-"

"Done deal," J.D. interrupted.  "Kitty, call."

Kitty smiled.  Then grinned.  Then she shot the cards up to Monty's nose for him to see.

"Meow, three sevens,
Meow two aces,
Meow full house,
IN YOUR FACES!"

The other three guys groaned.  Xavier sucked wind through his teeth.  "Agh.  A burn, and she macked a 4-Chan ditty for it!"

Monty looked at the hand idly.  Then at Kitty.  A half smile cracked his lips.  He put down one card.  Ten of diamonds.

Jamil got around to see better.  "Could be a higher full house."

"Could be four of a kind," went Dr. Terry.

Martissa sniffed.  "Could be nothing."

Monty slapped down another card:  jack of diamonds.

Jamil got giddy.  "Could be a straight flush!"

"Could be a ROYAL flush!" went Dr. Terry.

Black Lotus stared at the table below.  "Could be nothing."

Summa Matrei let out a disgusted huff.  "Kindly stop the pretense and show ALL your cards."

Monty scanned all the others around the table.  Then he shrugged.  And at last, he plunked the last three cards.  Everyone gathered around…

"Holy–!"

"I can't believe–!"

"Who would imagine–!"

"It's… it's…"

J.D. pushed his way in and stared.  Then he gasped and cringed. 

"…nothing."

Jack and ten of diamonds.  Eight of clubs.  Seven of hearts and a three of spades.  The hand was garbage.

All the guys except Monty stared at the cards with their jaws down against their chests.  The girls got up.  Black Lotus stretched to the heavens. 

"Well, folks," she said, "it's been grins.  But I've got a computer batallion to command.  Xie xie and good night."  BZOT!  She vanished, leaving a charge in the air.

Martissa walked up to J.D's right side.  "It's all been fun, right folks?" 

Kitty-kins stepped to his left.  "Good times for everybody."

Smooch!  They gave a kiss on each cheek of his frozen face.  BZOT! BZOT!  And in the vacant air, Kitty's voice echoed, "Keep the money, meow!"

Summa Matrei stepped up to the remaining men.  "Well, I must bid you fine gentlemen farewell." And she turned to J.D.  "And I trust all our universes are in good hands."  She reached into the folds of her toga… and pulled out a magnifying glass.  "Just one thing, though.  From my understanding, 'done deal,' is a way of saying your word is your bond."  She thumbed to the sticker on the table.  "You may want to examine that and see to what you've agreed, J.D.  By your leave.  Take care, love all, trust few, and do harm to none."  BZOT! 

The men remaining gathered around the table.  Then they looked hard at that sticker. 

"What did she mean by that?" Jamil said.  "Examine the sticker for what?"

"Hey," Dr. Terry, "there's something on it… looks like a smudge."

Xavier peered.  "Oh, come on… don't tell me they can write that small…"

J.D put the magnifying glass over it.  "Gulp!  Oh yes they can!  Says, 'Terms of Agreement.'"

They gathered around and tried to make out that insanely tiny fine print.  Then one by one, each of the men let out a horrified gasp.

Monty stood up straight.  "Oh, no." He shook his head with a smile.  "Oh, no no no no no no, no." He then instantly turned on J.D., planted both hands against the shoulders, and slammed him against the table. "You positively, definitely, abso-fraggin'-lutely did NOT agree to that!"

J.D shuddered, and nodded.  "I did," he squeaked, voice breaking.

***

Bu Shi Zhende looked at his watch.  "J.D. late, even by local standarts."  He huffed at himself.  "I give them thirty more minutes, then I leave, no refund."  His mobile phone trilled.  Fishing it out of his pocket, he checked the number. 

"Finally." he answered.  "J.D! Where are you?! What happened?"

"Uh, hi, Bushie," the nervous voice said. "Sorry we're late. We had to do a last minute change on the models today.  But they're virtually at the door."  Zhende thought he heard men grumbling in the background.  The caller chuckled apprehensively.  "Anyway, the models will be here any second now!  I'll SMS you the names right away." 

***

"Okay, ladies, line up here, and hold the beach ball like this!"

The models did it promptly.  Zhende shook his head.  They were fairly cooperative, and he'd dealt with worse prima donnas before.  But these ladies seemed to want to get the job over with FAST.  And may the gods forgive him, but he thought they were the homeliest bunch of muscle chicks he'd ever seen.

For one thing, Teri's hair looked like it was receding from her forehead, like she was going bald.  Montana's legs looked like that they hadn't had Nair or a razor touch them in… well, ever.  The pigtails on Xavierre's hair were obviously clip-ons.  And Jamille's veil didn't hide the face very well: was that 5 o'clock shadow under there?

He also thought he'd spotted a bunch of empty Nerf ball packages in the models' gym bags.  He peered at the Amaz0ns logos on their T-shirts… and decided not to pursue or ask.  He was still getting paid for this.

"How do women walk in these things?" Teri growled, who threw the ball.  "How do YOU?"

Jamille caught the ball shrugged resignedly.  "I do what I am told."

"To quote a friend of mine," Xavierre said, "this better be a dream sequence, or somebody's in BIG trouble."

"Somebody IS, my friend," Montana said through clenched teeth, as they smiled for the camera. 

***

And that's the story!  And as for the pic that resulted from this tale, well, that's gonna be my contribution to the website collabo project.  To see it, just click this lin– Uh, SyberStyk? Is that you?!  What the heck are you doing in China?! And while we're at it, how did you find my apartment?  Huh? No!  NO!!! Put that cricket bat down!  This is MY computer, you hear me?!  THIS IS MY COMP943U4NJGFHJN NVKJFDA DL04 P789

Happy April Fool's Day, 2007