The Conquest of Mawiyah – Feedback?

[SMACK! SMACK!] Rebekka slaps him out of his daydreaming stupor.

I think you have a fantastic story telling ability.  Even though it took me a second to appreciate the method in which you describe your character, I really like the way you bring it all together in the third paragraph.  I wouldn't change a thing.

DISCLAIMER: I will probably not get much support for what I am going to say next.

In music there is a technique or a practice called light and dark. Sometimes the music is heavy and rich, at others light and ethereal, the changes between the two, the rhythm of these changes and the quality of the music all become very important.

This piece of writing is almost too dark, too rich and full of language. My advice is to distinguish what you find truly important, sensual or arousing and convey that through the rich and layered language you are using. Keep the mundane things simple, sketched in and without importance. An example might be when you describe Rebekka wielding her sword: the sword is simple, elegant and has a gleaming tip (sketch description), but the arm holding it is bronzed and powerful, forearm woven thickly with snakes of raw amazon muscle, sweat and the grime of the battlefield throwing the overlapping forms into sharp glistening contrast from the flickering light of the fire (rich description).

It's not a great example, but I hope i've gotten the point across: make the words you use suit the nature of the things you describe, important or mundane, sensual or factual, beauty or practicality.

My last suggestion concerns the sentence structure: just make sure there is a subject, an object and a verb clearly defined in each sentence… some paragraphs lost definition in the middle when it wasn't immediately obvious what was going on to whom.

Finally, I'm very much looking forwards to seeing the finished article…

EDIT: or just polish it until it reads like 'A love refined…'

A lovely start. I agree with eccentric man. Emphasis what you want to focus on. If perchance as the woman turned only the blade was seen describe it but once she is in full view and taken as a woman to their surprise that is where you really get to go to an extreme. But be careful to avoid to much. Save some for later so that you don't repeat yourself.