Warrior woman ALISHA and Power Granny stories

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  • August 8, 2007 at 9:46 am #57659
    Christopher Brown
    Participant

    I made these 2 collection of story at Adultfanfiction

    Didnt get much feedback there. So figure maybe here I might. Just want to say some of the Early Chapters of the story got some erros in it, sense it was done a while back. Also warn some of it very smutty. Some chapters have a little violence. sense your dealing with barbarains and super heroes. Also not one for be realistic.

    Tell me if it good, if it sucks

    Alisha stories
    Takes from an on interactive story I did. Made it to regular story. About a strong black Amazon and her male elvin slave. And how they fall for each other
    http://original.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=544201388

    POWER granny
    Wild Grandmother thinks her party days behind till she find a jewl that can take bad guys powers, energy and skills by touch (althoug sex much faster). Soon become a tall, busty young looking Amazon who soon grows with all types of powers and saves the sometimes hapless city from wicked and sometimes sexual villans. Wrote it cause Got tired of female superhero story where they get rape. Found it wasnt many where the metahuman female messing up the guys.
    http://original.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=544205441

    August 8, 2007 at 2:36 pm #57660
    mikazuki
    Participant

    Firstly, I have to tell you not to expect too many comments here. There are many lurkers who don't comment, and also not as many people look at stories as much as they look at art. Still, I hope you'll get some useful feedback.

    I've read about half of Alisha's story. You portrayed Alisha very convincely as a sexy, lusty, powerful warrior woman. She has charisma too, because while she can be very bloody and ruthless, it is kept within the scenario that she's a warrior. I thought the story would be a vicious, domination story, but was pleasantly surprised to find that Alisha has a more romantic, loving (and cutely possessive) side too as she treats her elvin slave.

    Is that all the feedback you're looking for? Or are you after a more technical feedback? The English is a bit broken, so that makes the story harder to read, but I didn't have too much difficulty understanding what you tried to say. As for the story itself, it can be improved here and there, but it is certainly not a bad story, and quite well written (not taking into account the broken English).

    Thank you for sharing this, and welcome to Amaz0ns!

    August 9, 2007 at 6:31 am #57661
    Christopher Brown
    Participant

    naaa not you broken English. I just got bad grammar and spelling 🙂 Lil dylexic…but I got the hang of it in later chapter. But the early chapters woooo I admit they got some errors. Got to go back and edit those sooner or later.

    Some of those early ones pretty old

    Thanks for the comment. Yea tried to make a balance between her being the master but still caring for him. Sense the time has a mixture of being savage and being of order at the same time. Despite her , drinking, pillaging, and slicing people heads of left in right trying to show sometimes she more moral then the kings and noblemen

    August 9, 2007 at 5:22 pm #57662
    mikazuki
    Participant

    The balance did come across, and I was impressed, because it's so easy to not bother with the balance at all and have an orgy all night long. Chris wouldn't last very long like that though ;D

    I read a bit of POWER Granny as well. It's an amusing concept. I was reluctant to read at first, because the idea of a buffed up grandma scared me (something like this would give me nightmares: CLICK AT YOUR OWN RISK, IT'S NOT PRETTY!). So again I was pleasantly surprised that the story didn't make the reader go through such an ordeal. Instead, the story turned out to be quite interesting. Is it true there aren't many superheroine stories like this? I thought there'd be aplenty at Diana the Valkyrie's website.

    Oh, I checked out the interactive version as well. I got lost very quickly there, but it looked fun!

    August 24, 2007 at 8:56 am #57663
    Christopher Brown
    Participant

    may update them soon

    LHART seem to have some super hero stories like that. Did like the WONDER woman/superman story I found on fanfiction part of this message board

    http://www.adultfanfiction got a few. Just got to look

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