Celeb Saga Part 2

Well here’s the new (old) chapter, hope you all enjoy it but I’m sue I’ll be hard pressed for comments amidst all this great material.

I guess that’s why they call it the greens

Mike stared at his long time friend Shakira, now significantly bigger, more beautiful and greener. Moments ago he was all set to enjoy an evening of TV wondering how Bam Margera would drive his parent’s nuts this time. Instead his best friend had just turned into the She Hulk, a character he was only familiar with via his exposure to comics. As if the fact that fantasy and reality were merging together to create one big merged thing, it turns out that her secret isn’t private between himself and Shakira. And on top of all that, he was finding his best friend a heckuva lot more attractive and really needed the john.

‘I still don’t believe it.’ Mike exclaimed.

‘I know, I thought my secret would never be released out into the open.’ Shakira replied.

‘No, I can’t believe you never told this to me before AND while I’m enjoying a solid evening’s worth of entertainment. Good scheduling doesn’t come this often you know.’

‘Look I’m sorry, but couldn’t we…’

‘I mean what the hell?!? I mean we share stuff all the time. You told me about the time you lifted a bottle of JD from the local convenience store, I told you about the time I body painted myself going half naked on a 30 degree day only to find that the game was the next day, you told me about the time you pranked Christina Aguilera asking her what Madonna tasted like…’

‘That was all you!’

‘Whatever, and yet it somehow continually slipped your mind to tell me that you have the ability to transform into a 7 foot tall jade Amazon. I mean it’s not like forgetting to tell someone that they’ve just drank some expired milk I mean it’s a big deal here Shaks!’

‘You’re going to hold that milk thing against me forever aren’t you?’

‘I thought I’d died on the crapper that day!’

SheHulka had had enough of his friends moaning and decided to put things into perspective for him. Striding over towards Mike she grabbed him by the collar of his shirt lifting him with ease. She concealed a slight smile relishing the power she knew she had all along but finally being able to share it with someone. Mike trailed off giving his best worried look and biting his lip as his feet dangled in the air. Mike stared into the green eyes of his friend and was overcome by a slew of emotions ranging from fear to lust. He just about managed to compose himself.

‘Now look, I thought we were just cool on this, it’s just you’ve read this letter and you’re starting to freak out. Just take some deep breaths and think rationally, kind of like you do when playing along to Jeopardy!’

‘In Jeopardy I never had to worry about big strong green gals lifting me a considerable height offa the floor. Unless the question was, what would you consider the most unlikely thing to ever happen to you…well that or me being able to jam with the Spin Doctors.’

‘Can we just think about who might possibly know about…’ SheHulka motioned to her body ‘..this’.

SheHulka let Mike touch down on the ground again. Mike dusted himself off and then smoothly tripped over the table. He still seemed pretty shaken up by the whole ordeal and his humour defence mechanism was kicking into overdrive. Maybe she should have waited until after his programmes had finished.

Mike began pacing up and down the room before going over to the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water pouring it over himself. SheHulka lay down on the couch, significantly bigger than the piece of furniture, her bare green feet dangled over one side of the couch while her long green hair dangled over the other side. She let out a satisfying stretch, hearing bones pop accordingly to whatever part of her body she stretched. The lighting gleamed off her green frame creating an almost majestic glow around her as Mike stared at her newly developed muscles. SheHulka didn’t seem like the overly muscled girls he’d seen on Louis Theroux documentaries or on late night competitions on random sports channels, she was just muscular, yet there seemed to be a whole lot of power contained within that large frame. Her feminine six pack rose up and down in accordance to her breath which poked out from underneath the football jersey. She felt so good feeling the jersey material rub against her mounds. Her clothes lay in tatters, some still draped on her shapely figure, some pieces lay on the floor. At this point Mike realised this was the longest he’d ever stared at something bar a magic eye puzzle and promptly looked away. He finally took that deep breath and sat down where it had all began.

‘Does it hurt?’ he finally asked.

SheHulka beamed. ‘I’m so glad you’re asking me questions about this, it’s good that you know all that you can’

‘It’s not like it’s a bread machine. This type of thing doesn’t come with instructions in Swedish telling you how to get the perfect loaf. You’re big, you’re muscled, you’re green… and you’re giving me the I wanna jump you and smother you with kisses look, would you cut that out!!’

SheHulka sat up and rubbed her hair at the back, her green biceps stood out more when she did this. She smiled and spoke: ‘Yeah it does hurt at first Mike but then it’s kind of like a massage and it just feels sooo good. As for those lustful looks I keep giving you, well I always feel a bit amorous after the change and seeing as you’re here…’

Mike gulped hard. ‘So what is it like a bikini wax pain because I hear there’s no pain on earth worst than that…except maybe a paper cut’ he said changing the subject.

‘It hurts a lot more than both those things trust me.’

‘So does it cost you a lot in clothes?’

SheHulka let out a deep sexy throaty laugh at this point. She smiled that dazzling smile of hers to Mike. The contrast of her white teeth against her pouting green lips was a sight to behold.

‘Why the heck do you think I hardly wear shoes’ she wiggled her toes as she said this. ‘That story I fed the press about my not wearing shoes for the work labour, well I do really feel that way but the real reason is because they’re such a pain when you’re transforming, sadly that’s all I can get away with otherwise I’d be wearing nothing at all for most of the time’ She seductively winked at Mike.

‘I mean it Shaks, quit it. Usually if I were any other man in the world I’d be taking off my shirt and fiddling with my zip and ready to pounce on you, but you’re my friend. I don’t want to ruin the great relationship we have here.’

‘Not just a little?’

‘Shaks…’

‘Ok, Ok.’

‘So you can change back right, I mean we don’t have to wait until morning or something for you to turn back to normal do we. I don’t have to flash a picture of the full moon at you to sort this out.’

‘No, it’s just simple, if I’m calm when I angrily changed I change back, If I’m satisfied after lustfully changed or just through simple concentration. Look I’ll show you…’

‘See you later ‘SheHulka’.’

SheHulka stood up and walked into the middle of the room. She took a few deep breaths and closed her eyes. Although not instantly recognisable, the jersey seemed to be getting slightly looser around her shoulders. She suddenly grabbed her stomach and hunched over herself. Mike again concerned rushed over to her aid.

‘It’s…ok…just..hurts again to…begin with’ she said shooing him away with one of her hands.

SheHulka whipped her head back and seemed to be staring intensely at Mike. Her bright green eyes pierced through him as he considered switching the game on. Mind you he didn’t want to make her angry, especially as it was his jersey she was wearing. Those things cost a bit. SheHulka again hunched over and moaned. ‘It was a lot…worse the first hundred…times, AHHHH’. Slowly her muscle definition began to shrink, he could see her biceps slowly slipping back into her body and she was becoming paler. Her plump toes that were splayed out against the floor began retracting, their normal familiar shapes beginning to take form once again, the nails retreating to their normal shortness too. The same could be said about her finger nails as they too were retreating and her hands looked nowhere near as powerful as they had before. The blow-drying effect was taking place in her hair again, the dirty green streaks slipping back into her hair. Her ragged breathing suggested that her normal Latina voice had returned to her again. Eventually, there hunched before him was Columbia’s second finest export…after coffee, Shakira. The tatters of jeans on her legs seemed to surround her legs more comfortably now but still flapped after they had been shredded. The jersey she wore was much too big for her as her petite frame had returned, the sleeves rolled much further down her arms. She stood up on her beige feet and stared back at Mike, her calming brown eyes meeting his. A slight tear in her eye as if she had been released. She jumped over the table and held Mike tightly, it wasn’t a romantic hug just a very appreciative one. Mike was winded but hugged back eventually.

‘Ok Shaks, shit, now I really got to use the can. I think you just squeezed the last drop of Bud from my bladder.’ She giggled and ruffled his hair.

‘Don’t touch the hair, It take me hours to get it this perfect.’ He got up and went to the toilet closing the door behind him.

‘So what did you think?’ she shouted to him.

‘Besides trying to concentrate at the task at hand and the recent events, I think I’m doing pretty well. Haven’t missed a drop yet.’

‘No I mean about, you know.’

‘She’s charming. She could spare to be a little less intimidating, maybe you could bend down a little bit so I’m still the taller of us two.’

‘NO! I mean about the note’

‘Well things like that are bound to slip my mind especially when I’m going number one. Maybe it’s in relation to something else, you ever thought about that?’

An audible flush followed and Mike stepped out drying his hands with a towel.

‘Like what exactly?’

‘Maybe they know that the reason you don’t wear shoes is a comfort thing or maybe they found out about that time you stole that bottle of JD…oh wait that was me’

‘But it seems pretty ominous, look it’s in cut and paste’

‘Ahh the bad guy’s best friend. They never send a fruit basket though do they, I mean it’d be a lot easier plus tastier and why not use a computer, all that time having to find a decent sized K must be awkward, why all those fonts on Word go wasted.’

‘This invitation obviously has something to do with it but why invite us to a swanky celebrity bash?’

‘Because someone can’t get enough of that Tango song you perform?’

‘That tango song has a name you know…’

‘Anyway, I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about, I’m pretty certain that’s it’s entirely unrelated to, well you know.’

‘Well it says I’m allowed a guest so tomorrow, we find out.’

‘Great in the meantime, I think it’s time we hit the sheets, it’s getting pretty late and you know how cranky I get without a good nights sleep. Well…I guess it pales in comparison with you my flower of delicateness.’

‘Stop sucking up. Goodnight’

‘Buenos Nochas Senorita.’ Mike said as he left for his room.

Shakira sighed and got ready to go to bed too. She was feeling a little uncomfortable about the whole note situation but at least it’d be sorted out tomorrow. She didn’t feel like going to sleep though. Then suddenly she had an idea and smiled evilly. She strode over to the sink and stared at the mirror and took a deep breath. Clutching it she closed her eyes and began to sweat, feeling her feet twitch involuntarily….

The morning light cracked through a gap in the curtains and shone on Mike’s face. Mike rustled a bit realising that he had woken up from an enjoyable night’s sleep despite his dreams of Katie Holmes hulking out and himself being nailed by sledgehammers. He stretched out feeling the soft sheets and feeling refreshed, everything felt so smooth, he loved sleeping in hotel rooms, primarily because he didn’t feel guilty when he clogged the toilet as they often moved on whenever Shakira toured. He spread his legs out, his sock covered foot colliding with something. Fearing he’d been victim of the dreaded apple pie bed he sat up in bed looking at what he foot had collided with. There next to his bed lay the 7 foot naked green form of SheHulka smiling back at him, his foot colliding with her leg. Mike being the ultra cool guy said whatever any man would’ve in a scenario like this:

‘AHHHHHHHHH!!!’

DID THEY OR DIDN’T THEY? ONLY I KNOW FOR SURE, SO STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF OUR CELEBRITY SAGA….UHHH, PLEASE?