Mimic

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  • January 8, 2009 at 6:10 am #79235
    yaracyrrah80
    Participant

    Good!  I look forward to more.

    January 8, 2009 at 11:17 pm #79236
    luvmuslgirls
    Participant

    Very good. But, I wonder if you could indicate who starts talking by using the names and using quotes.  Maybe something like:

        Tom exclaimed, "Wow, I had no idea you were so strong!"

        I exclaimed in reply, "I didn't either, that was fun!"

    Maybe the more experienced authors have some advice. But a good start if you intend to go on.

    January 9, 2009 at 6:27 am #79237
    iceman75
    Participant

    Yeah quote marks would be nice, otherwise it was a very hot story.

    January 9, 2009 at 9:48 pm #79238
    Trina
    Participant

    Thanks guys!  I'll try to add in quotes in the next part.  ::)

    January 13, 2009 at 10:25 pm #79239
    Tonus
    Participant

    It depends on the style you are going for.  If it's a sort of stream-of-consciousness narrative, the lack of quotes doesn't necessarily harm it (and in the story you posted, I did not find the lack of quotes confusing at all and was able to follow the story without having to stop and wonder who said what).

    My only suggestions are minor grammar corrections, such as changing this:

    I’m not strong, you have to have muscles to be strong.  I said flexing my puny arms.

    To this:

    I’m not strong!  You have to have muscles to be strong, I said, flexing my puny arms.

    It reads better this way, IMO.  It properly separates her objection from her explanation, while using the correct grammar (the comma after the statement) when attributing the statement.

    Mind you, I'm not a grammar expert by any means, but that is what stood out the most.  Good luck with your writing!

    January 23, 2009 at 12:44 am #79240
    Trina
    Participant

    Wrote the next part of this story but it was too long for this site.  :-[  So I posted it to the Deviant Art site.  Sorry still no quotes… :-

    Here's the whole story so far:
    http://trinaz.deviantart.com/art/Mimic-110341877

    ;D

    January 23, 2009 at 9:18 am #79241
    sg2ww
    Participant

    Very, very good start, but quotation marks make it easier to read.

    February 11, 2009 at 9:12 am #79242
    Trina
    Participant

    Sheesh!!!  OK, fine!!  I'll add quotes…

    """"""""""  😉

    ;D

    February 11, 2009 at 10:10 am #79243
    luvmuslgirls
    Participant

    Yay! Quotes! 

    February 7, 2010 at 2:34 pm #89832
    Trina
    Participant

    I finally wrote a bit more of my story! Take a look:

    http://trinaz.deviantart.com/art/Mimic-Part-2-153080185

    Tschüss! 😀

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