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ze fly.
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July 26, 2009 at 7:53 pm #85687
Gribble
ParticipantDate: 07/18/2009
Time: 0600 Hours
Recieved orders from HQ (codenamed: City Hall) today. I have been instructed to start Operation Yard Assualt (codenamed: Mow my grass). HQ suggests that the attack take no longer than one week or they fear drastic measures (codenamed: Fines) may be needed beyond that time frame. I'm leaving immediately to scout the area.Date: 07/18/2009
Time: 0800 Hours
Finished scouting. The war zone seems to consist of dense jungle terrain populated by a wide and startling array of animals. Including, but not limited too, mini-tigers (codenamed: Cats) and even a fierce type of mini-jackal (codenamed: Chihuahua). There also seems to be a limited native presence (codenamed: Neighbors) in the area around the proposed war zone, they seem to be a simple (codenamed: Stupid) people but I plan to keep a close eye on them when the battle begins. Still, I think they will stay clear of the war zone due to an ancient superstition they have known as "Property Lines". Overall I believe HQ has underestimated the task that they have assigned me. With the equipment and manpower I currently have at my disposal the assault could take a lot longer than hoped. I'm heading over to the supply depot (codenamed: Garage) to select my gear now.Date: 07/18/2009
Time: 0900 Hours
I have selected my gear for Operation Yard Assualt. For my primary weapon I have choosen a Briggs and Stratton 8000 "Death Blade" (codenamed: Lawnmower), truly a terrible weapon and one I soon suspect will make the international list of banned weapons of war. For combat of a more personal nature I have choosen a John Deer 140X "Life Slicer" (Codenamed: Weed Eater). I feel confident that the combined firepower of these two weapons will keep me safe in the coming battle.Date: 07/18/2009
Time: 1100 Hours
I just got back from making a pre-emptive strike on the area of the war zone known as "The Front Yard". Call me sick and twisted if you must but I do so love the smell of freshly killed foliage in the morning! As expected the natives did not enter or interfere in the battle but one of them did say something as I passed. I believe it was something like "'boutfuckingtimeyoumowedyoufuckinglazyasshole" Unfortunately I don't understand the gibberish these people speak so I'm afraid the meaning of this phrase may never be known. I simply choose to believe it is some kind of wishing of luck or some type of prayer on my behalf to one of their gods… perhaps the one known as NASCAR or maybe even BOOZE. At any rate, I must rest for a bit, the war is far from over and I need to be alert for any unseen dangers that may lie ahead.Date 07/18/2009
Time: 2000 Hours
I have just awoken from what could only be descibed as some kind of post-traumatic coma (codenamed: Long nap on the couch). The earlier battle in "The Front Yard" must have taken a higher toll on me than I thought. It's starting to get dark, I think it best that I not conduct any night time missions for that's just what the enemy will be expecting! I'm off to the mess hall (codenamed: The Kitchen) to get some food and then I think I'll settle down for the night and review my field manual (codenamed: Watch TV).July 26, 2009 at 7:54 pm #85688ParticipantDate 07/19/2009
Time: 1000 Hours
I'm off to a late start today due to my losing track of time while using the computer uplink to obtain helpful satellite images (codenamed: Browse for porn). But no matter, I still expect to have obliterated the entire "The Front Yard" region by the end of the day. Victory will be mine!Date 07/19/2009
Time: 1100 Hours
CURSES! Somehow my attack was anticipated and I walked into an ambush! I was making good progress in my latest assualt when suddenly several small unmanned planes (codenamed: Bees) sprang up around me and attacked! I tried to fend them off but was caught completely unaware and was forced to make a strategic withdrawl (codenamed: Run away screaming like a 6 year old girl). I think the enemy may be using some form of chemical warfare, I have noticed several large lesions (codenamed: Bee stings) forming on my body. Well two can play at that game! I think I saw a canister of a deadly toxin (codenamed: Bug spray) in the supply depot! We'll see who has the last laugh!Date 07/19/2009
Time 1300 Hours
The deadly toxin seems to have worked! After careful scouting I stumbled upon what seemed to have been the hanger/control center (codenamed: Beehive) for the small unmanned planes. I emptied the entire canister of toxin into the hanger/control center and retreated back to a safe distance to watch. The enemy managed to launch several unmanned planes but whoever was controlling them must have inhaled the toxin because the planes soon crashed to the ground and EXPLODED in a satisfying fireball! On a side note, in my eagerness to retaliate I forgot to wear my gas mask and may have inhaled some of the toxin myself. I feel fine, although I can now taste colors and smell sounds. Still the war must go on, I'm off to the next battlefield… the dreaded "BACK YARD"!Date 07/19/2009
Time 1500 Hours
IT'S NOT MY FAULT! Let me make that clear to everyone! I was told the only inhabitants in the war zone were the enemy, even my prelimanary scouting seemed to confirm this! But I'm getting ahead of myself and I fear the war has left my nerves frayed. I'll start at the beginning. It was shortly after I had started my assualt in "The Back Yard". I was perhaps a quarter of the way in when suddenly I heard screaming and then what appeared to be blue goo shot out from underneath my "Death Blade". Curious, I stopped my advance and that was when I spotted them. Just ahead of me were several small blue pygmies dressed in white. They were approximately three apples high. I know this because one of them, sporting a red heart tattoo on his arm, was stacking apples in what seemed to be an attempt to impress a blond female one. Suddenly one of them turned and shouted "OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED KENNY-SMURF!", then another one added "YOU BASTARDS!". Before I knew it their leader, I assume he was the leader as he was the only one wearing red instead of white, shouted "They've broken the treaty!ATTACK! Death to all humans!". Not wanting to kill any more innocents I quickly retreated to the safety of my command bunker (codenamed: Hid under my bed). It's been about a half an hour since that incident, I'm going to go back now and try to explain what happened and hopefully make peace with the strange pygmies.Date 07/19/2009
Time 1600 Hours
The war is over! I have won but at a high cost. When I went back to the pygmy encampment I was shocked to discover a man's head on a pike along the border. I soon realized it was someone I had seen before. He came to my base only a few days earlier inquiring about his missing cat… I beleive he said his name was Garvin… or was it Mel.. no wait… Gargamel that was it! Well, upon seeing this man's balding head on a pike I quickly realized there was not going to be anything I could say to salvage the situation. To make matters worse I still had a lot of war zone to cover. So after thinking about it carefully I decided the only course of action left to me was… a napalm strike (codenamed: Gasoline and a match)! The fire is still going strong and the war zone has been completely decimated. Oddly enough the burning pygmies smelled like roasted marshmellows but that's not important I suppose. The main thing is I have achieved total victory, I suspect I will be awarded a medal for ending the war so quickly. Ah what timing, it seems I am about to have guests. I can see several vehicles pulling up outside my base now and judging by the police escort they must be top brass indeed. Well then I'm off to greet them but first I think I'll grab my gun, been wanting to show it off ever since I bought it from that man in an alley where that murder was committed.July 27, 2009 at 3:54 pm #85689Fett
ParticipantGribble!
July 28, 2009 at 4:09 am #85690ParticipantFett!
Congratulations, as the first to respond to my nonsense you win a prize! Details will be e-mailed to you or left in a private message here.
July 29, 2009 at 2:27 am #85691VincentX
ParticipantCould it be!?? *sniff* It is…..you ole senile bastard, good to hear from ya again! 😛
–VincentX
July 29, 2009 at 9:19 am #85692Solarian, aka LordDaroth
ParticipantJuly 29, 2009 at 10:57 am #85693nic2800
ParticipantIt was like you barfed up the (rejected) adultswim line up.
Smurf you man…I mean it….smurf you right up the smurf!
😛 😀 😉
July 29, 2009 at 9:48 pm #85694luvmuslgirls
ParticipantYea! I share in the joy! ;D At first I thought it twas Hilarious 😀 But, near the end, with the gun thing, I was gettin scared ??? :o. Glad it's allllll rightttt!!! 😀 Yeaaaa!!!
July 30, 2009 at 2:43 am #85695ParticipantThanks everyone. I just had to get that out. Just be glad I didn't post Operation Shop for Groceries.
On a more serious note (a 'b' flat if I'm not mistaken), I got big news coming in a few months and this will actually be Female Muscle related! Fett knows what I'm typing about (around 40 words per minute?).
Anyway, I'll be sure to post that news in the appropriate place.
Sokeking… er… Kondoriano… er… Gribble.
July 30, 2009 at 4:45 pm #85696Participant… I do?
*checks e-mail*
OH! I DO!
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