A Crazyfck story redone…

Wow. Did I mangle that post. Sorry.

Here's a SMALL excerpt. Please note that I'm NOT a writer. NSFW

She frowned as she looked at herself. Still the same old me, she thought as she looked at herself in the mirror. When she was younger, she had possessed a trimmer body for her 5’3 tall frame and perky breasts but had never managed to “find the right one” because of her fierce religiosity and unattractive face.  Over the years, and through bouts of depressions, her body had become padded with a layer of fat around her mid section, butt, hips, and under her arms. Her breasts, she knew, at the age of 49, had begun to sag.  Sighing she took off her robe and stood naked in front of the mirror and what she saw surprised her.

Is my stomach smaller? She thought as she posed in the mirror, turning slowly. My butt and arms look a little firmer too, she thought as she flexed a small bicep. “Is this the strength that I asked God for?” she gasped, suddenly remembering her drug induced dream. As she did, a small swell of hope grew in her chest. “I swear to God if it is,  I will do everything to save Mr. Esquibel’s family and get them to heaven!”

******

Over the next month, Ms. Quitada became more aggressive and fervent in stopping sin. She came to realize that the uneasy feelings she once felt were a sixth sense which focused on acts of sin emanating from the household. Feeling self righteous, she searched out the offenders and used her new strength intimidate them into prayer for their trespasses. At the end of each prayer session, she felt invigorated. She could feel a new energy flowing through her as she was excited at doing God’s work.

Every morning, she would examine herself in the mirror and witness new changes to her body. As such, she felt compelled to wear longer and longer garments to hide her rapidly changing figure. I must not let them lust, she thought. I must do God’s work. Stripping down in front of the mirror, she saw that her stomach was now flat. Running her eyes over her body she saw that her buttocks had begun to take on a toned shape. Looking upward, she focused on the small of her back, now smooth, and with her hand, she traced the smooth curve of her buttocks, down her increasingly toned thighs, and to the small bulges of emerging calve muscles. Moving back up, she lowered her arm and did a small tricep flex. Her arms, had lost their fat deposits and were also equally toned. I look like I’m 35 again. It’s a miracle!  She thought. I feel so sexy, she mentally purred, And powerful! Wait! I must not think that! She prayed.

Not sure for others, but I'd like to read it  🙂

I'm almost done with it. I sent a message to Crazyfck but the more I work on it, the more changes I see in comparison to his original story.

I'm not quite sure if I'll post it. One of my favorite stories has always been Marknew's "The Spell" and the way it ended with one of his characters basically getting the power of God.

In this story, this maid, Ms. Quintada, gets chosen by God to return people to the "flock" so to speak. The woman can detect "sin" and, fervent in her quest, begins to root it out with prayer.The more people who pray and repent, the more her body changes and the more she believes she is "blessed" in her task. However, what happens if she discovers the REAL mechanics behind her changes instead? Does she reject her desires to be adored, beautiful, and loved, or does she become corrupted to the point where she craves ultimate, and I mean ULTIMATE power herself?

I thought the same thing about the religious angle.  As for the story in Portuguese, after reviewing it, mine is actually becoming quite different with the exception of the mechanism fueling her growth. All of my characters, as noted before, are in their 30's-50's as well.

Here's an exchange where Ms. Quintada has a run in with some divine messengers after she had as an encounter with a streetwalker:

Turning, her job now done, Ms. Quintada began to walk back to her car. Feeling invigorated, she decided to cut through a dark alleyway as a short cut. As she got halfway through, a tall figure emerged in front of her. The figure, which appeared to be a 6’4 man, was dressed in a long, dark trench coat. In the shadows, his skin appeared to be a pale white. His face, looked scarred and tired with sorrow. His forehead, adorned was stress lines, was topped with white hair. However, it was his eyes which caused Ms. Quintada to gasp in alarm. They were pure white.

Seconds, which seemed like years passed. Finally the man spoke in a whisper, the voice of thousands speaking at once. “Ms. Quintada, I bring you a warning.”

“A warning?” she cringed.

“God requires the prayers of the faithful so that his will may continue to be done in the Universe. The sins of unbelievers weaken his power to act upon the hearts of men and influence the world. You have been chosen. You have been given the keys to the heavenly kingdom to further his will, yet you are walking a dark path.”

“What are you talking about?!” she cried. “Who are you?!”

“I serve the throne of Heaven…” he looked down at her.

“Are you an angel?” she asked.

He nodded.

She looked at the being's face. He doesn’t look like an Angel, she thought. He actually looks demonic. He can’t be an angel. I know what an angel is. He must be a demon! she thought as her heart raced. “You’re a liar! You’re trying to mislead me from God’s path. I,” she pointed at herself, “Serve God. I will return them to heaven by God’s command. You be gone!” she screamed.

The man buckled at her command and fell to one knee. He looked up at her weakly, “You have been given free will to do either good or evil and the power you have been given cannot be taken once given. You must choose how you use the power and your faith. That is the law  that the creator bound himself with at the hour of creation. It cannot be broken by his hand. Know this, you threaten the Kingdom. Choose wisely.”

“Be gone. Demon. I reject your presence,” she said forcefully. The man began to flicker in and out of existence and fell to both knees. Holding his chest in pain, he looked up, “Lord! She was the wrong choice… the wrong choice!”

“BE GONE DEMON! I REJECT YOU!” she screamed, righteous fury and anger strengthening her command. The being thrashed on the ground and lifted his hands to his ears and screamed an unholy howl before elemental forces tore him to shreds in a fury of light. His molecules exploded.

Ms. Quintada stood, her heart racing. It was a demon! A demon! I am doing God’s work. I have no doubt of it now. I will not be deterred!