Paradise Plaza


Thank you for the feedback, I’ll put a chapter up today.


"Welcome to Paradise Plaza! The Date is April mgrphh, 2015… The time is—" A computerized sign stridently stuttered at James as he swerved into the parking lot.

"Technology… so sublime, yet so stupid." A red headed passenger beside him mused.

"Did you forget that frivolous technology is what is paying our way through college, Matt?" James laughed as he eased into a parking spot.

"Shut up and get the juice! The party starts in fifteen minutes." Somebody barked from behind.

"Chill, Chuck. I’ll be right back." James took the keys, locked his car and ran into a suburban grocery store. Ignorning the fetor of overripened vegetables and sulfurous eggs, he found few cartons of orange juice. They would expire tomorrow, but by that time they would most certainly be empty.

Arms precariously wrapped around six gallons of orange juice, James ran out of the store and opened the trunk. He barely opened the cooler when his strength lapsed, Causing them all to drop beside a ten pound bag of ice. Back in the car, James chided, "Thanks for the help, guys."

"We might’ve had time to help, if you didn’t drive like a tortise."

"Your logic is impenetrable, Bill! When we survive the chaos of downtown Florida in my car, you’ll have me to blame."

"James! Your hand!"

"What, Chuck? Oh!" A rivulet of blood was flowing from James’ finger. He dislodged the shard of glass from within.

"How’d that happen?" Matt pointed at the gaping wound.

"I’m not sure, but the misnomer laden Paradise Market is in such deplorable condition that I wouldn’t go in there again with an NBC suit! Broken glass strewn about would not surprise me in the least."

Fifteen minutes later, The four found themselves arriving at a boisterous frat party.

"Time to be drunk on something other than anticipation…" James muttered eagerly. The four exited the car, and walked several blocks to the gate when waylaid by a half naked sentry.

"Halt, which sorority are you from?" The galligant pressed his face up to James, who recoiled at the halitosis.

"He’s with us, man. We’re from a different chapter, but still, we’re wearing the colors!" Bill interceded.

"And that changes nothing! I’ve never seen you before either. Maybe I’d better call the…"

The predicate of that sentence would remain unknown, as Chuck shoved past James and bellowed. "Pi square Chi/ Faithful til we die/ Step up to the hotties and score some thigh!" The rotund student accompanied his verses with a series of familiar hand gestures.

"That was barbarius and misogynistic, but effective…" James rolled his eyes.

"Damn Straight! What sorority are you from anyway…?" Chuck chortled.

"Hai-ya!" James fluidly performed a roundhouse that stopped half a foot from Chuck’s pelvis. "Where do we put the cooler? This thing is freezing!"

"Drop it by the wet bar." Matt shrugged. James obliged, checked the cooler’s batteries, and turned its cryostat down a few degrees.

"Now what do I do…?" James stared at the crowd.

"Mingle, interface, whatever you geeks call it. This is a party."

James walked over to a couch on which a freshman leaned unattentively. "Hey… uh, dude. What’s your oppinion on the… Gorlmon’s meta-lipoic membrane hypothesis." He sweltered as he waited for the guy to answer.

"Meeuuhh! BLECHH!" A liter of ejecta painted James’ shoes.

"You contaminated my Florshiems you ignominious cretin!" He turned away before the drunkard could disgorge a rebuttal. "On that note, I still have yet to try alcohol! He went to the bar and demanded. "I want a screwdriver."

A foreign fluid was placed before him. "Another!" He yelled after bibing it.

After the third dose he sprang onto the table, "Ambrosia of Heaven!" He cried and leapt off, miraculously performing two rotations in midair before landing on his feet, then buttocks. James stood up and saw a stunning paragon of female pulchritude.

"Hey baby! Plow my fields!" James grinned asymetrically at the strange woman. At that moment, he felt a hand pressing his face against that of the woman, who was moved by a similar vector.

"Woah Hoo!!!!! Girls making out! Girls making out over here!" A frat guy yelled.

After being released by the brute. James’ face became bright red. He jabbed his finger incoherently into the man’s chest. "I’m not a girl! I’m a shibonen!" He screamed, unaware of his metathesis. At that moment he felt an arm circle around him and spirit him away. "Matt?"

"You were right. You don’t belong in parties. Now I’m going to take you inside before you do any more damage." Matt escourted his friend into a bedroom, propped him up against a bed, and placed a bucket on his lap. "I’ll stay here until you’re sober."

"I am sshhober" James asserted with impatience.

Unconvinced, matt asked, "If you’re sober, tell me the quadratic formula, and I’ll let you go."

"Uhhhmm. Negative pi plusserminus the square root of b squared minus four Ab all over uh.. Arrrgh..!" James’ shirt suddenly matched his shoes.

"Wrong. I’ll sit here until you feel better."

"Don’t you wanna copulashion??"

"Yes, but it seems that all the girls here are taken. Tey to remember that."

They sat reticent in the darkness six minutes until James began to cry. "I wanna be at the conference!"

Matt sighed. "I wanted to be there too, but that little kiss-ass Bertum conviced the professor that it would look more prestigious to him if he implied that he did it himself."

James’ body lurched forward. "I hate that little prig. I’d ablate him from the universe him if he were… err " James fell back in a narcoleptic trance as he began to snore.

Matt positioned James in a safe and sanitary position before the bucket and let him sleep. "Little one twenty six pound lightweight." He grumbled as he slipped out of the room.