[NecrochildK]

I don't mind questions about my scars or anything like that. Honestly, I have no shame of anything I've been through. That particular one is from the mediport from chemo. They insert it under the skin and feed the tube from it through the muscle and between the ribs and down into the heart through a major artery.
As far as my hormone condition, it is rather severe, especially considering my deep clinical depression at times. I'm what some call slightly autistic, asperger's. I don't quite function the same as most mentally, everything turns inward, so I could never hurt another because of my depression, I have hurt myself in the past, but even that is rare because I know it hurts those around me, something I just can't do. I finally got sick of the doctor and said fook it, I'll take it one day at a time and chucked the pills out the window. Some days are worse than others, and my husband's way of making me laugh isn't always enough, but I've learned by now, no matter how much I whine and moan about what's happened to me in life, I've got to face it myself. I try not to lament, but it happens. A lot more often than I'd like. But, I am making an effort. And while it can't solve the chemical imbalances in my brain that are causing this, I can at least train myself to take a step back from it and recognize it for what it is. Honestly? lol I envy manic depressives. At least they get bouts of mania!
About my form, my husband said the same thing. I'm sturdy, I mean my calves are already pretty solid and 17 inches around, my upper arms not so solid, but the muscle is pushing through, about 15 inches around my arms. I took gymnastics when I was a child, and I still hung onto my balance and a bit of grace learned from that, though I was already good with that even when I started the classes. I unfortunately was forced to drop gymnastics because of occult spina bifida, and as a result, I dropped ballet, jazz and tap as well. My love had been gymnastics, the dance classes were for my mom's pride.
::hugs tight:: And you, don't apologize! You don't sound condescending or patronizing, as I said before, your words are very helpful, even if I've thought over such options before. I honestly tend to run into a lot of brick walls. Most people's frustration with me is any time they offer advice, I tell them it won't work, but it's often because I've already tried it or studied the option and seen where it would lead given all the aspects of my situations. x_x So please, I apologize if I sound argumentative on some things.

[The_Pimp_NeonBlack]

Thank you, dear Child, for your kind words.

And you are lucky that I's am phobic of cameras or these thread would most certainly degenerate into a "Who has the best scars thread".

As for your condition: 'tis well known to this Heart and Flesh.

My's dear friend and constant companion, Shadow (if you know dear Kulli's Live Journal, than you know of him), hast a similair condition of manic-depression and inward falling. Though his violent impulses tend to strike outwards and, for such a relatively small beast, he can do a very large ammount of damage when he has loss of impulse control.
And Asperger's Disease: that too is known. A malady that causes the suffer to care so little of themselves , their surrounds and existence. It is a malady that cause a much beloved cousin to lose his life. Though not through his own means. Since he cared nothing for himself, he most willingly scarificed his own flesh for the sake of saving others from a fire will did engulf their encampment.
Five souls were brought with his one and for that he shall always be praised.
Ah. . . My's lamentations are out of place here. For this thread 'tis not about I but about ya'll, dear Child, and what you wish to achieve.

Nothing more can truly be said excepting that you are already a step forward. Knowing you condition, your goals and limitations. That is more than can be said for most -including my's most faulted self.
Regular and strenuous exercise is the key to beating many of your maladies -both physical and spiritual- and I's wish you all good grace in what shall come.

Peace
The Pimp NeonBlack

[Lu]

And you are lucky that I's am phobic of cameras or these thread would most certainly degenerate into a "Who has the best scars thread".

I wouldn't think scars could be viewed in the sense that somone would have the 'best scars'.. I mean.. I'm not exactly counting mine as one of my 'best features'..

[NecrochildK]

lol Well, for some it's proof of survival and strength. Heck, one time I met a new friend for a movie and he had some friends with him and we hung out after at a local burger place and afterwards we hung out in the parking lot comparing medical horrors. It's kind of like, well, almost like a kinship, a sharing of pain to know yer not alone in what you've suffered. Comparing scars is like… Well, you get people going "Yeah, well lookit this baby! I got that falling off a truck!" "Yeah, well I had open chest surgery, try sitting around with your ribcage propped open for a couple of hours!" After a while it actually gets amusing. I suppose in a way, it's one way people get over their emotional scars from what they've suffered. By making light of it and knowing they aren't the only one who's hurt so bad.

[The_Pimp_NeonBlack]

I wouldn't think scars could be viewed in the sense that somone would have the 'best scars'.. I mean.. I'm not exactly counting mine as one of my 'best features'..

Again, that is the Irony of my's words.

I's would hardly count y's numerous scars (none of which are medical) as points of pride and, in fact, I's often do my's best to hide them for all sight.
Those which are able to.

Though dear Nercochild is correct in a form: when we speak of injurt and of their origins, 'tis a cathartik exercise to both cleanse ourself of and share our with others pains which hast inflicted and infected our lives.
'Tis the purest form of Human Nature.
Nothing more.

Peace
The Pimp NeonBlack

[Lu]

Well.. any time anyone has asked me about mine I tend to get names like 'sicko' and 'fuck up' and so on. It's kind of come to me that they're not even something I can explain about hurt with, because no one takes it that way, because no one seems to understand.

[NecrochildK]

::hugs Kulli:: They don't really know you then, nor do they really wish to understand.

[El_Roy_1999]

Well, my sister had the same thing going for a few years (if I'm not mistaken in your case). It eventually worked out, but she managed to explain it to me, so I understand it. I could go on for hours on the subject, but I guess it's best we leave it at that.
My scars are more of the "look at this one, I barely survived it" kind, so it's a case of pride. I look rather stitched for that matter. On the other hand, those are the hardships of youth.

Still: Kulli, all the great artists suffer, and even though you don't have to force it, you definitely are one of the greats in your field. Honestly, you rule.

[The Muffin man]

Well.. any time anyone has asked me about mine I tend to get names like 'sicko' and 'fuck up' and so on. It's kind of come to me that they're not even something I can explain about hurt with, because no one takes it that way, because no one seems to understand.

D: you told me and I never called you a sicko or a fuck up.

<3 Kulli rocks too hard. She is awesome.

[The_Pimp_NeonBlack]

Well.. any time anyone has asked me about mine I tend to get names like 'sicko' and 'fuck up' and so on. It's kind of come to me that they're not even something I can explain about hurt with, because no one takes it that way, because no one seems to understand.

Compared to the creatures that I's constantly am slave to, dear Kulli, ya'll are hardly sick and/or a 'fuck up'.
As soon as I's first saw your scarring in your photographs, I's knew how they came to be there but made no comment because they is nothing to say about.
If ya'll thinks no one understands the 'whys' of such things, ya'll are sadly mistaken. Too many know, yet all are made mute by their pride and social conditioning. If ya'll wish to speak, there are those who shall listen and those who shall become as the Deaf Stones of Ages.
Know what words to speak first, that is the wisest thing.
Know your Soul and your Flesh and all Existence shall be made right. There is nothing more to learn other than that.
You are wise enough in yourself, dear Kulli, to bare all things with Ancient Strength. One day you shall see this within yourself. Until then, be well.

For my's part: I's keep my's too numerous scars as memories of things done and left undone. Reminders of things past and ventures made and all faults and follies this flesh is so heir to.
I's display them to none other than my's closest, as I's do all memories.
Nothing more can be said or done after that.

Peace
The Pimp NeonBlack

[Author]

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