[DevonCory]

I’ve been with my current girlfriend for a little over 5 years now. It’s definitely a serious relationship and I consider her more than just another girl. She’s my wife really, even if we’re not married. She’s younger than I, still in her late twenties and quite a looker. One of those women who most guys around here would appreciate: tall and sexy, strong and fit… large boobs. Heh. I’m lucky for sure. But she’s also bright, caring and curious. A good catch my father would say.

About a year ago, we decided that our relationship was strong enough to take it a step further and we wanted to add a little something to it. She felt that she was ready and, well… I’m not getting any younger. If I wanted to be a father, now was the chance.

So we gave it a shot, though without much success. And today we learned why: I apparently can’t father children of my own.

That news hit me like a sack of bricks.

I think I’ve been sitting in front of the PC for the last two hours, sipping at hot tea which has gone cold a long time ago. I’m trying to find an option, a solution, something to tell her, something to make her pain go away. And God I can’t find anything. She tells me that it’s alright, but I can see through her tough girl act as if it was simple glass.

She’s at work right now, with two of her colleagues newly and happily pregnant. It’s a fucking baby boom around here: bellies and babies everywhere. I know that the girls are going to babble about it all night and I know that my girl is going to put on a strong face as if nothing was wrong. I know how much it meant to her, how much she was looking forward to it.

And it just tears me up inside. Knowing that that dream just went away. Knowing that she won’t be able to have kids of her own… at least not with me. Makes me wonder if I’m the right man for her after all.

It’s been a long time since I felt like that: not knowing what to do. Feeling vulnerable. Useless.

Can’t say I like it.

[TC2]

So when you say you can’t have kids. Does that mean you can’t have any at all or you would need to use say, a procedure to get her pregnant? If so there should still be options to do so, if you don’t have any she can always do the invitrio fertilization.

[Lingster]

I had some pretty awful health news about six months ago. Not quite “don’t buy any green bananas” news but double-digit probability of death within ten years news. So there’s the initial shock, which you’re going through right now, obviously. But then you’ll realize it could be a lot worse, and that we live in a time of exponential technological improvement, which means many big problems today will be very small problems in just ten years.

Start reading up on whatever your condition is. It’s almost guaranteed that there are other people with the condition talking to one another online about how to mitigate or cure it. Also, start researching your diet. Find out if any nutritional deficiencies can cause your problem. Shake things up – try elimination diets. Try the paleo diet. Stop eating wheat and gluten grains. Stop eating sugar. Make sure you’re getting enough magnesium and iodine and vitamins D3 and K2.

Get yourself testing equipment. I take my blood pressure all the time, now, and I test my blood sugar after meals to learn which foods cause blood glucose spikes. With a microscope you can look at your sperm, and do a count the old-fashioned way, if that’s the problem.

If none of this is relevant you might pursue the option of using a male relative as a donor for insemination – or if available several male relatives with a blind sample. Then no one would know for sure the identity of the father, but you would know there was at least a bit of “you” in there.

[Solarian, aka LordDaroth]

I was thinking whether or not should I write a comment here, because, well, I’m not exactly the kind of person one would turn for advice.

I mean, what could I say? A twentysomething guy, with none-to-little life experience.

But here I am, trying to give advice.

Never get lethargic. Because you’re not useless, nobody is. It doesn’t matter if life spits on you or fate gives you the finger.

You never know what’s coming next.

I tried not to suck at giving advice. If what I said is stupid, well just ignore it.

[elee0228]

DevonCory wrote:

So we gave it a shot, though without much success. And today we learned why: I apparently can’t father children of my own.

That really sucks. Sounds like you’re in just as much pain as she is. If you’re struggling to find something to say, it helps to look at it form a different angle. What would you say if it were someone else’s issue? What if it had been her instead of you? Maybe thinking at it from a different point of view can help you.

Lingster wrote:

I had some pretty awful health news about six months ago. Not quite “don’t buy any green bananas” news but double-digit probability of death within ten years news. So there’s the initial shock, which you’re going through right now, obviously.

Lingster, I had no idea! Sounds like you’ve had a lot of time to come to grips with your situation. Definitely wish you all the best and hope it’s something that can be treated and overcome.

[Lingster]

I think it’s reasonably likely I’ll be OK. The important thing is to do your own research and keep trying to figure out a way around it. That’s what I wanted to convey to DevonCory.

[Author]

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