[NecrochildK]

Well, I've hit another, though I finally see the nutritionist on Monday… My mom is totally against me getting into bodybuilding. Exercising yes, she wants me to lose weight, yes, will she help with nutrition? No. So, to her it's fine and good to help me out by paying for my health club membership, but anything else necessary for supporting my health and she won't be bothered. Anyways, last week I finally told her I wanted to go into bodybuilding, she seemed cool with it. Well… I guessed right, she didn't understand just what that meant… I explained Tuesday and she was dead against it. Why? Because it doesn't fit in  her narrow minded view of what society accepts as standard feminine beauty. In case she hadn't noticed, I haven't fit that standard for many years now. Not since chemo. I had hoped for once in my life she would be supportive of something I wanted to achieve, especially considering it would improve my health. All my life, I did nearly everything to try and please her, nothing was ever good enough and it still isn't. I mean this won't stop me in any way, not this time, but for once I just wish she could accept me how I am, and be happy that something is actually making me happy. We talked that very same day of how my uncle was so childish for being spiteful towards his daughter for them moving to Oklahoma because her husband got a better job there… well, my mom's not much better… Least Ted is supportive even if he isn't into muscle, he still thinks it'll look good on me and he's happy I have a goal that makes me happy… God bless the perfect husband. I don't know what I'd do without him. I have so many friends on the net who are supportive too. And I know when I tell my best friend she will be too. I just wish there were more people in person who were…

Meep, sorry for rambling on, I guess I kind of type stream of conciousness style as some call it, last thought though, Wednesday James, my trainer, introduced me to a guy who went to the same nutritionist he's referred me to. He looked great! I hope I can achieve such results once I get my nutrition on track. Talking to someone else into bodybuilding in person, even if it was a guy, just made me feel more at ease and less of a loser for being so fat as I am now. When I go to the gym I'm always worried of what people think of me, everywhere else I'm comfortable being big and fluffy with a bit of sturdy strength underneath, though my consolation at the gym is I'm not the only one on the fluffy side there, but I seem to be the only fluffy female in the weight room that I've ever seen. And while among friends, I feel like one of the guys, over there… well, social interaction seems like a very different animal and I struggle with that to begin with.

[Dragonsblade77]

My GF had the same deal. Her family was dead-set against her looking like a bodybuilder. I had no problem with it, I love her the way she is, but if she wanted that, I couldn't lose. I'm attracted to her now as she is a full-figure woman, but I'm not going to complain either way. I think she was inspired my a character I created for the novel I've been working on for the past 10+ yrs. Since my GF was part of the inspiration for the character, I guess it seemed fitting. I guess I feel as lucky as your husband does with you.

As long as there's at least someone out there to support you on your endeavour, then you have all of the support you need. The rest has to come from you. Maybe, in time, when they see that bodybuilding makes you happy, your family and others will support you. Remember, have faith in yourself (and even God, if you choose) and you will have the strength to do whatever your heart tells you to. I bid you peace and good luck. It takes a lot of courage to try and do something new.

[NecrochildK]

::smiles and hugs:: Thanks so much. Really, I've been praying a lot lately, thanking God for every little success and asking that for once in my life, I can succeed at something. I want this more than anything and I pray God is with me in this. Because I'm really going to need His help in dealing with Mom.

[00tree]

    Good for you. Don't ever let anyone tell you not to do something you are passionate about because it's not socially "normal". I have many hobbies many of wich are considered questionable but I suround myself with people with similer interests. Now don't get me wrong I'm not a clone with my freinds. For example I am the only one of a group of about five that get into muscular women. I might hear a little jab here and there but nothing disrepectfull and most of it is funny anyway. If you can't laugh at yourself who can you huh. We all have enough other things in common that we hang out and have plenty to talk about.
    If people start to treat me with disrespect I leave it's as simple as that. And that includes family. I know who I am and desurve to be treated live a person. I've lost a few freindships that way but hey if they were realy my freinds the wouldn't be treating me like crap.
    Bodybuilding is something you have to love and have a need to do. I love the way a muscular physique looks, especialy on the female of the species, but don't have the desire to build my body to that extreem. Right now I work in a lumber yard so I don't need to join a gym to lift weights all day but I am about to relocate and will have to join a gym to stay in shape.
   

    Just be yourself and go lift girl!

                                                 Good luck!

[JimmyDimples]

Just wanted to holla, and give you and "Up there, Cazaly!", as the Aussies would say.  Keep going as far as you can, and DON'T. GIVE. UP.  🙂

I feel great you have a partner working out with you.  One thing I think scares off a lot of flabby people from working out is that they compare themselves to these Adonises and Atalantas that are training them (not thinking of the years of work, blood, toil, tears, and sweat it took them to get there), and feel even worse about themselves, making the workout less fun.  Having a fellow flabby willing to get there would make it even better.

No wonder Richard Simmons' having fat people work out on his videos and his TV show was such a brain wave.

And prayer… as Chris Rock said about cornbread, "Ain't nuthin' wrong with that!"  😀 😀 😀

[NecrochildK]

Heh, thanks, though I don't have a workout partner. It kind of would be nice, but in some ways, I'm too competitive to take a partner. Chances are, I would get down on myself if I couldn't outdo them.

[Holiday]

Dear NerochildK,

I agree with these guys. Seek the form you wish to have. The Internet has shown there are many women who are into bodybuilding and they feel very feminine. So got for it. But don't take shortcuts.

Good luck.

[The_Pimp_NeonBlack]

Just wanted to holla, and give you and "Up there, Cazaly!", as the Aussies would say.

Actually, dear James, only those Australians from Melbourne would say such a thing and then it is only the Devotees of the Sport of AFL (Australian Football League) whom would spout such a saying. Though in much different circumstances.

Anyway, returning to the point:

Does it matter if your mother sides with or against you in this or any other matter.
Of course having her support and blessing would be nice, but it is not nessasry in this Continum.
This is the Age and the Change to ween yourself off her bitter teat and free yourself from such emotional bonds. Those chains shall only weigh you down and drag you back to a Sense, Sensibility and Morality that is no longer your own.
You are your own Woman. Start to act as such!
Forget the concerns and constraints and others and focus on yourself. This is the time to be rightously selfish. For it is your Flesh and your Mindset that you wish to change, not anyone elses.
Meditate well on this Notion and the World shall seem as right.

As for Prayer: that is only for the weak and the lost in such times.
Your Flesh shall become your Idol, your routine your Prayer, your Diet your Sacrement.
Keep close what ever Faith you follow, but do not rely on it when you should rely on yourself.
As my's Daoist Master once said: "Prayer is but a Boat, Faith is the Ocean upon which it sails".

Peace
The Pimp NeonBlack

[NecrochildK]

I had the chance last night, to talk with my mom in IMs. About the only time I can coherently make my feelings known. Verbally, I'm very… ineloquent, I stumble over words. She may not understand my new desire, but now at least she accepts it and is happy that I've found something to pursue so wholly. I just hope this acceptance lasts as the past has shown she conveniently forgets anything that brings us close together. Either way, it won't stop me. But I still always wish and hope for that part of her love. I don't know whether it's from being adopted or being a touch autistic or something else I'm afraid of getting into here lest I seem a lunatic for believing it… but I've always felt so alien even at home, like I never belonged. Like the cuckoo's egg dropped in a nest of robins, I've been dropped into a world I don't belong in, with my mom always having tried to mold me into the role and appearance of every other robin around me. It became over time, most important to me, not to be that robin she wanted me to be, but to just love me for being as cuckoo as I was, no matter how strange it may have been for her… She wanted a nice, neat little cookie cutter kid and I could never be that… but I still wanted her to be proud of me and happy for me no matter what I was… And honestly, I was a good kid… heck, by todays standards, I was a perfect little angel. Never did drugs, never had sex, always brought home As and Bs until it became such a strain I started breaking down mentally and emotionally under the taunts of my peers for my odd ways and my unwavering, unquestioning devotion to my parents and unwillingness to break rules as they did. Honestly? I guess all I ever wanted was their respect… I had Dad's, easily… I guess that's one reason why I've been so at peace with his death when he only died this past November. There was nothing left unsaid between us, nothing else needed or wanted… If my mom were to die suddenly, I'd have a ton of issues that would leave her haunting my mind for ages. x_x I've rambled on again, sorry.

[The_Pimp_NeonBlack]

Sometimes I's am glad that I's have nothing to do with my's Paternals and that I's have resolved almost all issues with my's Mater.

And, Jeanne, the Cuckoo chick kills all the other chicks of the nest it invades, thus ensure it's survival.
That is what marks the Cuckoo out in Existence.

Though, as said before, 'tis time to break your preconceived mold and remake yourself anew. In whatever image you desire.
Make your peace with your Mater and walk your own Path.
There is nothing else that can be done before your start your journey anew.

Peace
The Pimp NeonBlack

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