[The Highlander]

I’ve just finished the first draft of a (very) short follow on to the Nicola Roberts growth story I did a while ago, and wondered if any of the writers here could suggest any improvements I could make to it (since I’m not a writer by any means).

[ftp=ftp://http://grimmtoof.deviantart.com/art/GA-wardrobe-malfunction-107840817]http://grimmtoof.deviantart.com/art/GA-wardrobe-malfunction-107840817[/ftp]

[The Highlander]

That link doesn’t seem to work, I'll try linking to my DA page (The story is under scraps)

grimmtoof.deviantart.com

[up2nogd1]

Always glad to see more FMG writers.

Just a couple of suggestions, since you asked:

I suggest you use the spell checker.  It's easy and makes the stories better to read.

Second, which is more personal, I always like a perspective of how big she is.  A monster bicep is how big?  I'm not saying you need to go into great detail, but it helps to paint a picture.

Hope to see more from you.

[AlexG]

I'd have to agree that using the spell and grammar checker is essential, also the thesaurus, too.

Don't know what brand of word processor (i.e. MS Word, MS Works, Word Perfect, etc) you might be using, but something to keep in mind when using the spell and grammar checker, even the thesaurus, is what format you have your writing tools set to (i.e. formal, informal, etc).  It does make a difference – moreover, no matter how good they are, I've found that they can miss things or suggest inappropriate replacements.

This has a lot to do with what your style is, and how you might be expressing a particular story line.  For example, the expressed style of a super heroine/action adventure story is going to be significantly different from one set in a Tolkienesque environment.

Another thing, something my friend Hi-Standard once told me, that he didn't rely on the word processor spell and grammar checker alone, he liked to have a second opinion with a third party software program when manually proofing his stories.  Don't know if you want to go to that length or not, but thought I'd pass that on.

For myself, in addition to my word process tools, I also use the American Heritage Dictionary/Thesaurus on CD and some foreign language ones, too, also on CD, all of which can be enormous assistance at times.

“I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself.”
~ Mark Twain / Samuel Clemens (1907)

[The Highlander]

Right, I've made a few changes and added a measurement for Nicola's bicep. Any comments on the updated version?

[The Highlander]

Has no one got any comments at all?

[AlexG]

Probably it’s because of the post-holidays lull; the forums take a dip in activity and participation.

Aside from the use of cold measurements, which does help the reader, (and that some readers really enjoy hearing) you could also use similes to assist in creating a fuller mental image in the mind of the reader as to what your character looks like.  Not just in comparison to physical objects/structures – i.e. mountainous biceps or tree trunk legs – which does help, and I see you've used such, but in other ways, too.  For example, in some of mine I've used real world FBBrs and/or fictional superheroine characters, describing that "she" has the best aspects of thus and so in the structure of her facial profile, in the development of her physique.  Assuming that they are familiar with them, it gives the reader something to compare to – that your character is similar, but also different, too.

Another thing, and probably one of the more difficult aspects of writing, is giving your characters a personality that is uniquely their own.  Meaning, geting them beyond being just a literary mannequin and putting some "life" into them.  Generally, most authors put part of themselves into the creation of it, but also, as flights of fantasy, will include psychological elements that they'd never do themselves, too.  Its not something easily explainable, like learning to ride a bike, you're going to have to work at it, but eventally, all of a sudden, it will come into being.  After that, any successive stories you write, the process is much easier, almost coming on by itself.

“I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself.”
~ Mark Twain / Samuel Clemens (1907)

[The Highlander]

Right I’ve posted the final draft in my gallery, thanks for the advice and suggestions.

I do have a couple of other ideas for a proper sequel to my original story, either a description of one of the girls shows (and the logistical difficulties of putting on a show with 5 such massive girls), or a description of Nicola at the world’s strongest man contest (with little technique but much greater strength then any of the other competitors). But given the time taken for my previous efforts, I wouldn’t be expecting anything for a LONG time.

[Author]

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