[Blake Gordon]

The premise: Kara Smith works in a military research outpost during a war on an Alternate Earth (WWI era with pseudo magic/science)) This is the first official GTS scene and I'm trying to make it as surreal as possible.

If anyone could take the time and give some input I'd be greatly appreciated.

Kara remained motionless in the idle lab. She couldn’t bring herself to do any work, not until the professor returned. The lab echoed her decision. The ambient sounds ticked away, with instrumentation doing nothing other than running at idle specifications.

The lights flickered.

Kara got to her feet. The lights never flickered. He throat became dry and she heard a faint noise, much like paper crumpling into a ball.

She glanced to the ceiling and saw countless fingers of minuscule current performing some strange music along the ceiling support columns. Then the lights began to extinguish in a slow progression. Darkness settled around her as if time began to solidify.

A massive serpent of electricity burst forth from the ceiling and coiled down the central column. It pierced the reinforced floor with zero resistance. The rapid transference of current began to churn the air. Loose objects floated about as Kara brought a hand to shield her face from the artificial wind.

All the noise receded into a single sound. A sharp snap came from the Component X chamber.

The central chamber split open releasing a torrent of sapphire electricity and purple either. The combined forces reached out eager to grasp her tight.

The purple and blue infusion reached her and time slowed to the point of a single drop of water falling to the base of the sink. Waves of distortions swirled around her as she floated within her laggard tumble. Everything became imaginary as familiar objects began to distort. Her self-perception stretched as well. She could see her entire body suspended in a backward trajectory.

She watched as her pants and blouse compressed as seams and hems retracted inward until they bit into her skin. Her discomfort didn’t last more than a second as sturdy cloth ripped with intensity becoming a patchwork of bare thread and ellipses of various size and diameter. Yet she heard no sounds other than her own breathing.

She continued to spiral as her clothing disintegrated before her eyes. Her pants peeled off her legs until they became a useless skirt that trailed along beside her.  Her underwear’s elastic waistband had split wide open and had become nothing more than a pair of kerchiefs wrapped around her legs.  Her last garment to fail was her bra. The elastic strap that encircled her torso popped open behaving much like an overtaxed rubber band. Kara thought this should hurt, but she could feel no discomfort as she continued her flight.

The professor’s office loomed ahead. Its sturdy twelve by sixteen foot window seemed liked it belonged on a humble cottage door. She drew closer and closer. She considered she ought to be worried for her speed must be brisk and she knew the window was reinforced. But her shoulders connected to the sturdy glass and broke through as if she dove into a pool. Bits of glass became particles of light as she continued into the office. Then all the sound caught up with her. The shattering of glass, the cracking of concrete, and the tearing of metal all gathered to a single point. The shockwave carried her to darkness.

[Ravenderon]

A little bit chaotic. If it would be in first person, the input of the senses could be written in this way. From third person view it is difficulter to be surrealistic.
On the other way – good done  🙂

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