[Mark Newman]

I'm glad Jimmy is still writing.

Mark

[alex]

This story is going great.  Please continue!  🙂

[JimmyDimples]

The recycled plastic kitchen chair bent a little under Tetsuko's bulk, but held up nicely.  Staring down at her plate, she found that chewing Dr. Green's vegan lasanga presented something that'd been quite rare for her lately:  an effort.  The "beef" had decent flavor but too much "bounce" in it.  It felt like she was chewing a boiled, chopped art eraser.  She decided to give the salad a try instead.

"And as you can see, and taste," Dr. Green beamed proudly, "all these spices truly bring out the flavor in the meal.  Always have, always will.  Doesn't matter if the protein vehicle is tofu, or tempeh, or animal flesh or milk." 

Very good for him and the earth, thought Sonya, but why can't the guy just say "meat"?  Nibbling on dinner, she thought it tasted okay, but soy cheese didn't hold a candle to some real mozzarella.

"And!" he continued, "The beauty of it is that all this food has all the original nutrients and carbohydrates in it, totally untouched or processed by any animals' digestive systems.  We're getting it straight from the original source." He leaned forward and jabbed the air with his fork on each main word.  "Think about it!  If everyone switched to eating vegan, all that land that's wasted raising cattle could be producing grain or vegetables instead!"

Spotting Les nodding his head along with Dr. Green's spiel, Tetsuko could tell he'd heard this speech many times before, and could probably recite it perfectly with each word and inflection.  "What about milk?" she asked. "That's got a lot of calcium and other important stuff.  Nature's perfect food."

Dr. Green shook his head.  "Too much fat and growth hormone. No offense."  He missed Les' cringe on that.  "And I take a leafy green/legume supplement for calcium."  He put down his fork on his plate.  "But, it'd be even better on this poor, worn, weary planet if we didn't have to plow up the land for farms."  He folded his arms proudly.  "And I've found the answer that'll finally end world hunger once and for all.  Les! Go fetch the Mito-Chloroplast Culture!  Sample A."

"Yes, si–"

"DOC-tor."

"Yes, doctor." And Les got up and exited the dining room. 

And Dr. Green called out after him, "And while you're at it, how about bringing out some coffee and tea for our guests?"

Sonya blinked.  "Hey… wasn't he limping just now?"

Dr. Green huffed and waved his hand dismissively.  "Accident from being a clod on the electro-ped.  Nothing serious or I'd have treated it."

A few minutes later, Les reappeared holding a beaker. 

"So, Tetsuko, right?" Dr. Green asked. "You know how plants make their own food with only water and sunlight?"

"And CO2," Tetsuko answered.  "Photosynthesis, yes."

He plucked the beaker from Les' hands.  "Well, this is a serum with enzymes, DNA binding agents and sugar-making chloroplasts from plants.  In layman's terms, this installs and locks the chloroplasts to human mitochondria — those are the things that generate nutrition into energy."

Tetsuko rode out the condesending tone.  "Yes, I got that from high school biology." 

He presented the vial with a flourish.  "Well, dear, this means the human body will then be able to make its own sugars just like a plant!  All it needs is water, sunlight, and carbon diox–" He stopped and stared at the label.  Then he turned to Les and thrust the beaker back. "I said Sample A, not K!"

"Sorry, s– doctor."  And Les meekly exited the room.

"And bring the coffee and tea this time!  Dr. Green turned back to Tetsuko.  "Anyhow, dear, we've tested this on different animals back in NC State University, and so far it's been successful.  Dr. Gannon's told me about your time with her own anti-aging formula, and how it's accelerated your metabolism and demand for nutrition.  I'm willing to let you be the first human subject to try this formula out, with your permission and Dr. Gannon's."

Tetsuko's eyebrows shot up.  "Me?!"

"Yes!  Just think!  Just drink water!  No more high grocery bills!  No more being hungry!  No more worries on artificial ingredients, pesticides, irradiation, hormones, unwanted additives, spoilage, or package tampering! And you'll be the vanguard of–"

"– ecological Armageddon," Sonya interrupted.

Dr. Green turned to his colleague.  "Beg pardon?"

Sonya folded her hands.  "Would she breathe only CO2?"

"Well… mostly, yes.  She'll need oxygen for a few processes, but only a fraction of that for a normal human."

"And exhale oxygen mostly."

"Er… yes."

She shook her head.  "Look, never mind I'm still figuring out how MY serum affected her, and another one would murk things up.  If you plan on giving that formula to the whole world, there'll be a lot less CO2 in the atmosphere, which the plants need to breathe themselves."

Tetsuko then nodded.  "And with us fighting the plant kingdom for it, the plants would soon die off." 

Dr. Green's forehead wrinkled.  "B-b-but the animals," he countered.  "They'd exhale and–"

"It wouldn't be enough.  Besides, no plants, the food chain's broken at the first link.  The animals would die.  Then WE'D all die."  She shrugged sympathetically.  "Sorry, Eaton, wonderful idea, but that's nature."

The disillusioned botanist stared at Sonya like she'd just swung a 2-by-4 against his skull.  Then glared at his guest.  "Well, what about YOUR formula, Dr. Gannon?  There's a bunch of stuff on IT I'd like to tell you about!"

"Now, hold on–"

"Had you ever stopped to think how large the global population is?  6.4 billion people.  And it's ballooning vastly as is, with normal lifespans.  If EVERYBODY lived to be 175 or 200, it'd skyrocket even worse with nobody dying off!"  He stood up, with hands planted on the table.  "7 or 8 generations worth!"

"Eaton–"

"All vying for living space, food, drinking water, AND electric power for a comfortable lifestyle! And never mind the pollution from it all!  The wars for resources would make the Iraq occupation look like a school yard fistfight!  It'd be a REAL Armageddon!"

"Please calm dow–"

"And that's normal-sized people!  If they all were as big and heavy and hungry as…" Dr. Green thrust his finger out at Tetsuko. "…as her–!"

Sonya sprang up from her seat.  "Now you leave her out of this!" she snapped.

"Seriously, what were you thinking when you injected her with it?"

Now it was Dr. Gannon's turn to fume.  "I was thinking I didn't want Slade's goons to blast us!"

Les stepped in with a tray. "Uh, folks, coffee and tea's ready."

"Not now!" Dr. Green snarled.

Les looked back and forth timidly.  "Uh, shall I take it back then, Doctor?"

"That's SIR to you!"  Then he twitched at his own malaprop.  "Yes, yes, whatever!" he thundered, waving him off without a look.

"Maybe you should help Les and clear our places right now, Tet-chan," Sonya muttered icily.  "I've lost my appetite."

Tetsuko glanced at her boss and friend, wanting to back her up in this verbal smackdown.  Sonya glanced back and bobbed her head toward the kitchen with an "it's MY fight" look.  So the ample assistant gathered up the plates and utensils, and left the two doctors to rage over which one of them would first wipe out the human race before the 22nd century.

***

To Be Continued

[BlackKusanagi]

Verbal battles are always fun! I like how the story is coming along. Please, continue the great work!

[Muscle Growth Nut]

Ah, it's about time someone took Dr. Green's high horse and broke its legs.

[JimmyDimples]

Ooooh! 🙂  I'm gonna have to mooch that quip for the story!  With your permission and an in-joke, of course. 😉

[Muscle Growth Nut]

Ooooh! 🙂  I'm gonna have to mooch that quip for the story!  With your permission and an in-joke, of course. 😉

Permission granted. 😀

[Historian]

Excellent, excellent!  High-quality writing, humor, and big muscles. What more could I want?  Well, okay, growth, but I assume from the title that's going to happen.  Keep it up!

Historian

[JimmyDimples]

Les rinsed the dishes' remnants into the composting disposal unit.  "Did you like dinner?"

Tetsuko stacked the plates in the air-dry rack.  "It was okay.  Your salad was best.  Let's go get something to eat."

"Huh?"

"Sorry, but that didn't fill big me all the way.  Besides, we didn't get to dessert.  What was it?"

"There wasn't one.  Sorry."

Tetsuko whipped her head Les' way.  "Not even fresh fruit?"

"Dr. Green thinks dessert is over-consuming."

She exhaled deeply.  "Now that's just messed up.  I need some sugar and saturated fats to counter all that healthy stuff.  Can you ride with me and show me a good place?"

Les smiled.  And he remembered the disks.  "Now that you mention it… I know where we can get some decaf and pie."

And with the dishes cleaned, they set out to the parking lot. 

"My car's a bit cramped," Les apologized.

"So we'll take the SUV, then," Tetsuko suggested.

"Won't that affect the readouts, results, scientific records and all that?"

"As long as we mark them down, it'll be okay.  Just like logging mileage for the company car."  Then she glanced at him.  "Hey… you ARE limping!"

"Uh, yeah."  He hurried over to the passenger side, trying to hide it, but rushing made it even worse.

"How'd that happen?"

He opened the door quickly.  "Uh, I'd rather not bore you," he rushed.

She caught the door before he could close it.  "Please," she urged concernedly.  "Bore me."

He stared at her for a few seconds.  "I heard your boss say something about Slade's goons blasting you."

She nodded.  "Show me yours, and I'll show you mine, ne?"

***

As they pulled into the Waffle House parking lot, Tetsuko clenched the steering wheel.  "If I ever meet those three jackholes…"

"It's okay," Les started.

"No, it's not!" she spat.  "What if you'd been run over and killed?  Or crashed into someone else?!"

"Easy, easy," he soothed, unconsciously patting a calming hand on her bicep. He was impressed how it was so soft-skinned, and yet granite-hard underneath.  "Getting mad won't help.  Look, it's not like they'll still be around here, probably.  They don't lack THAT much of a life.  What say I buy?"

Calming down, she looked at him.  "I can eat quite a bit," she warned.

"Let's see how much."

***

"Okay, hun," said the clerk at the counter, "that's two pecan waffles, raisin toast, two pieces of chocolate pie, a large iced tea, and… you want anything, Les?"

"Pie and coffee, that's all," said Les. 

"Alrighty, I can serve up the pie, tea and coffee right away, and get you the rest as soon as it's done, miss."

Pocketing the blank DVDs he'd left behind, Les spun on the stool next to Tetsuko. "How about we see what's on the jukebox?"

"You don't have to," Tet-chan said, "unless they got J-pop on it."

Getting up anyway, Les moseyed over to it, and sifted through the country/western and top 40 stuff.  "Meh, feh, bleh, neh ehh… hey!  'Turning Japanese' by the Vapors!  Didn't think they'd have that."  And he put in the coins and punched up the song.

But when he turned back, he saw somebody sit down right at his seat, and dig into his pie.  Then he turned right toward Tetsuko.  "Hey, baby," he said, "all those curves, and me with no brakes!"

Tetsuko idly fished up a restaurant brochure.  "Somebody's already sitting there," she muttered without looking up. 

"Yeah, me!" he continued.  "Hey, I know milk does a body good, but dang, baby, how much you drinkin'?"

"Hey, buddy," Les said, "That's mine."  Not looking back, the other guy shooed him away like a fly.  Irritated, Les reached for the seat's base, and spun it and the interloper around.  "I said…"

And he cringed.  It was Lanky.

"Well looky here!" said Clyde behind him.  "Captain Planet's back!"

Les cringed again.  A dirty, greasy hand shot out, grabbed his shoulder, and spun him around.  Fatso.  "Hey Babalooga, you got that little electro-putt-putt fixed already?" 

"Yeah, how about another joyride like last time?" Clyde chimed in, slapping his back "playfully" roughly.

"Hey, back off," Les said tightly.  "Haven't you got anything else to do?!"

"Didn't see your kiddy bike out there," Lanky said.  "How'd you get back here?"

"With me."

Tetsuko slowly stood up straight from her seat, and put her hands on her hips.  Four inches shorter than her, Lanky eyed her up and down. 

"Dang," he whispered.  "How much milk HAVE you been drinkin'?"

Without a hint of anger, her expression was cool as ice.  "So you boys met before?"

"Uh, yeah," said Fatso, unsurely.  "Just goofin' around."

"Les told me about you.  You got a ride?"

"Yeah," said Shorty.  "A Chevy S-10.  Almost perfect machine.  ALMOST perfect 'cuz you ain't in it.  Yet."  And he cracked a confident grin.

"Hey, get in line, boy," Lanky muttered.

Holding up a finger for Lanky to wait, Tetsuko turned to Shorty.  "How much can it pull?"

"Plenty." 

"I got a hybrid SUV… want to have a tug-of-war and see which one's more powerful?  If I lose, you boys and I go out on the town."

"Huh?" went a befuddled Les.

Lanky perked up on that.  "Yeah, baby!"

Shorty didn't look so sure.  But then he pried, "Hybrid, you said?" Tetsuko nodded.  He then got a small, seemingly knowing smile.  "Well… a'ight."

"What we waitin' fer?" said Fatso.  "Got a loggin' chain in the back!"

And they headed out to the parking lot.  Tetsuko followed.  But first she whispered to Les, "Get take-out boxes for our food."

***

Fatso wrapped and hooked the chain onto the pick-up's back axle.  "Alrighty, then," he said, as he handed Tetsuko the other end.  "All set.  Where's YOUR ride, sugar?"

"Here."

Fatso's nose wrinkled.  "I don't see yer SUV."

"You're not tugging my SUV," said Tetsuko.  "You're tugging ME."

His forehead wrinkled.  "Say what?"

"No, I didn't stutter."  She held up the chain.  "Tug-of-war, your pick-up versus me." 

The three rednecks looked at each other like she was crazy. 

"Well, if you boys wanna call it off…" she said, lowering the chain.

"No, no, no!" interjected Lanky. "Bet's still on."  And they set the ends of the Waffle House as their turf lines.

"Ready?" Tetsuko yelled out.

The truck cranked up.  "Yup!" called Shorty.

"All right, flag us, Les!"

Right at the chain's midpoint, tying a marker rag, Les looked at both contestants, totally unsure.  Finally, he shrugged and raised his arms up in the air.  "Ho-kay, ready…." He snapped them down.  "GO!" 

Screech! The tires did their impression of a drag race start, but it kept on for five seconds… then six…

"Hey Clyde," Fatso said, "get it outta neutral!  Yer tires are gonna be slick as onions!"

"It IS outta neutral, ya nimrod," Clyde sniped, pointing at the gearshift in Drive.  The three looked back.  Tetsuko stood there, stock still, as if still waiting for them to start pulling.

"Shift it into a lower gear!" said Lanky. 

Clyde slapped it into second.  It put a little more power into the wheels, but no dice.  The smell of burning, smoking rubber filled the air.  Tetsuko just leaned back a little  held the chain, and casually tapped her foot.  Finally Clyde put it in the lowest gear and floored it.  The engine roared in its fight-or-flight mode.  The tires spun and burned down the tread to where the metal fibers poked out.

And finally there WAS some movement.  But not the truck's way.  Clyde, Fatso, and Lanky bounced in the cab, as the vehicle lurched backward.  They turned back… and their jaws hung down wide open as they saw Tetsuko grab the chain, one hand in front of the other, as she reeled the Chevy in toward herself.  Finally, the truck stopped near her by her end of the Waffle House.  Letting the engine idle, they stared at her with eyes popping out of their heads.

"Better turn off the engine," she said.  "Gas nowadays isn't cheap."

Clyde did.  And they piled out of the truck.

"Huh!?  Wha?! Buh! Guh!" stammered Fatso.

She beckoned an equally boggled Les over to her side.  He came over, with the food packaged to go.  "I think the words you're looking for," she said simply, "is 'I'm sorry, Les.'"

They kept on staring. 

"You… you…" Finally Lanky snapped.  "YOU FREAKSHOW!  You she-male!  How many steroids you poppin' a day anyway, MISTER?!  I don't care HOW nice your face or big your boob-job is!  No real woman can do that!  You're like the ultimate lesbo-enviro– enviro– envi– tree-hugger!"

Tetsuko didn't even blink.  She kept her cool.

Lanky turned on Les.  "And YOU! Little queerboy, let some quote-unquote 'girl' do yer fightin' for ya!  You musta been cellmates from the same prison or something!"

Fatso rapped Lanky's shoulder, and nervously, silently prompted him to quickly shut up.  Just one look at her face showed Lanky why.

It had hardened into a very vicious scowl.

"Don't worry," she said quietly as a snowfall, and just as coldly.  "I've been called worse than that by better than you.  But…"  She dug into a takeout box, and fished up Les' half-eaten pie.  And with a flick, SPLAT!  She pitched it right into Lanky's face.

"That's for eating Les' pie."

Then she grabbed the chain with both hands and jerked.  SCREEEAUNCH!  The truck's rear axle wrenched free from the chassis, and flew like a misshapen TIE Fighter into Tetsuko's catching hands.  CLANK!  The pickup bed slammed onto the pavement.

"THAT'S for dragging and banging up his moped."  She marched around with axle in hand over to the front end of the pickup truck.  The three Bubbas backed off in a hurry.

"And THIS," she seethed, "is for throwing him in the path of that big rig."

WHAM!  She swung the axle over her head and across the pick-up's hood, caved it in, smashed it into the engine, smacking that down onto the oily blacktop, and ruptured the front tires with a loud pop and hiss. 

She dusted off her hands as best she could.  "You lose."  And with a shake of her head, she motioned for Les to join her in the SUV.  Les timidly, quickly followed.

Clyde stared at the wreckage for the longest minute.  Then he dropped to his knees.  "MY TRUUUUUUCK!!!" he wailed.  "That harpy… she… she… she totalled m-truuugh-buh-huhhuhuh!"  And fell on all fours, bawling.

"She ain't human," Lanky rasped.

Fatso stared at the departing SUV.  Then his eyes went from wide-open to narrow. "That little Planeteer said he came from the Industrial Zone, din-he?"

"Yeah."

"Find me a payphone."

"To call a cab?"

"No, ya crackhead.  Gonna call my boys."  Fatso spat on the blacktop.  "This ain't over yet."

To Be Continued…

[Muscle Growth Nut]

That. Was. Beautiful. Payback is a sweet, sweet nectar indeed.

[Author]

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