[NecrochildK]

I wasn't really sure where else to post this… There doesn't seem to be a general board anywhere on the forum… But, I wanted to apologize for and explain my long absence from the boards. There's been a lot going on in life lately. A lot of negative unfortunately. Karma seems to enjoy kicking me and my family in the teeth anytime something remotely good happens, and mires us down in things terrible. I unfortunately haven't been to the gym for four weeks. So I haven't been keeping up with my routine. The last week of August, I ended up bursting a blood vessel in my left lung every time I tried to rest. Six times in four days it happened before it finally stopped and started having a chance to heal. The following week my brother was found dead, believed to be the result of a diving accident the day before, his regulator broke while he was under and he nearly drowned. Probably died of decompression sickness. The following week, I just couldn't bear to be around strangers, the worry of breaking down crying in front of people I didn't know. That and even now I'm still not feeling quite myself due to my lungs. It's least comfortable when I lay down, trying to rest. So, after four weeks. I'm not sure whether to go back just yet, or to wait until after I see the doctor about it again. I was starting to feel so much closer to my old self again, and after four weeks away from the gym, I'm feeling awful. Just tired, worn out, half dead again… And I worry and it tears me up inside, wondering if this will keep me from my goals. Did I ever have a chance to begin with? Or am I just fooling myself into thinking I can cheat fate by getting mad at it and doing something to fight it…

[JimmyDimples]

🙁

I'll definitely be keeping you in my prayers, Necro.

[gblock01]

I have some inkling as to how you feel. My brother almost died in an ATV accident. He crashed into a barbed wire fence and got torn up pretty badly. If he hadn't been found when he was, he would've lost too much blood to recover. Even when he was in the hospital, we didn't know if he was going to survive. All the while, I was stuck back at home and I couldn't come to see him. Although it tore me up inside, not being able to see my brother, I found that the pain was managable. I figured that no matter which way that fate would lead I have no say in it, so I just needed to live my life as best as possible. In your case, NecrochildK, I think that you should press on and live your life as happily as possible, if not for your sake alone, then for your brother's, who is no doubt watching over you.

Sometimes life is cruel and unfair… well… actaully… that's most of the time. Anyway, when life seems to move downhill, eventually, it has no place to go but up. You shouold not give up on the things that you enjoy and/or dream of simply because life gives you a bad lot. If you have to, take a longer break. Also, don't continue by "getting mad and doing something to fight it", as you put it. That can easily lead to more issues later. If you continue, do it because you genuinely want to.

[Jack]

I'm so sorry to hear life's been treating you so shit lately, Necro.  I hope things get better for you real soon.

[NecrochildK]

Thanks guys. And Gblock, honestly, my ordeals have left me without even the energy to truly be angry. And what I've heard and experienced, anger without energy is depression. I have clinical depression to begin with, but I got off of medication. I couldn't stand the pills anymore and just decided to push through one day at a time and deal with it as best as I could on my own. It's really rough at times, but I make it. In truth, the only reason I'm still living is because I know how much it would hurt those around me if I were to die. Especially right now my mom. I learned from my husband's grandmother that right now, both my mom and I have told her the same thing. That despite all my mom's brother's and her mother hanging in by a thread, all the extended family we have left, we both feel as if it's just us two left in this world. As if the only thing we have left is each other. I just fear for her. I try and visit her once a week, but I feel like it's not enough, and I'm too worn out to do more… We lost Dad last November, and now my brother, Sean… Heh, we're a patchwork family in a way… Mom and Dad adopted me… And Sean was a foster child… But we were still as close if not closer as any family by blood. Anyways, sorry for rambling. It's been two weeks since Sean died. Mom just got back from his funeral a couple days ago. I couldn't go due to finances, can't fly all the way up to Massachuessettes, not to mention the change in pressure would probably be bad on my lungs right now. I just… I feel like I've moved past the hurt, but I guess I do still have some issues over it to work out… He wasn't the prime example of a good man, a good husband, a good father or a good brother… but he was still my brother.

[Author]

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