Secrets (NSFW)

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  • May 1, 2007 at 8:31 pm #51222
    Fonk
    Participant

    That's simply an incredible piece of fiction. Thank you. 🙂

    May 2, 2007 at 4:24 am #51223
    trilliwig
    Participant

    Glad to see you're still at this.  Wonderful story, though the narrator's obsession perhaps hits a bit close to home for me. 🙂 I would've liked more detail in the development of their relationship too, but I suppose time constraints didn't allow.

    Yes, it's common not to remember dialogue exactly, but for the purposes of storytelling, people tend to put something actual there, rather than resorting to saying "So then I said something with the gist of …".  That's just awkward and brings the flow of the story to a crashing halt.  It's better practice to relate conversations in conversational form, without disclaimers after every sentence, even if they may not have been the exact words spoken.  With accounts given from memory, it's taken as understood that details may not be precise.  With many kinds of writing, there are implicit assumptions that are tedious to have to read through repeatedly, just like in reviews and editorials where it is bad form to use phrases "In my opinion" or "In the author's estimation" all the time.  Just a little food for thought.

    Anyway, thanks for writing!  Mention the name "Mayim Aquus", and I'm hooked. 😉

    May 5, 2007 at 2:04 pm #51224
    AbyssPlanet
    Participant

    Speaking of which, you seem to put "Mayin Aquus" in, like, all your stories. Is it the same character every time?

    May 5, 2007 at 4:10 pm #51225
    gblock01
    Participant

    kind of. The characters Jinn Skye, Mayim Aquus, Chaude Stryke, and Prauge Gutrot all represent various aspects of my personality, though their relatedness to me shifts slightly from story to story. It isn't actually the same character every time. I guess that you could say that every version is a parallel of each other.

    May 5, 2007 at 10:51 pm #51226
    AbyssPlanet
    Participant

    Huh, weird.

    I just know that it's confused me a bit, seeing the same character names in your stories, but seeing characters that seem to not know eachother (despite knowing eachother in prior stories), or seeing "Mayim" go through muscle growth "for the first time" multiple times across multiple stories.

    Just my two cents, I guess.

    May 6, 2007 at 9:31 am #51227
    ajsamuelson
    Participant

    Excellent story!  I loved the descriptions of "Water Water's" transformation.  8)

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