[Sam]

Hey,
This is my first attempt at writing a story. I hope its enjoyable and everything. I know it’s not that great but like I said it’s my first attempt. Let me know what you guys think.

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“She’s just a huge bitch.”

“I know and there’s nothing I can do to stop her. Why does she always do this to me?” Says Kira to her best friend Blake.

“I don’t know. Neither of us could take her, she’s a tank.”

The two girls are sitting on the counter of the girls washroom in their high school. Blake is helping dry off Kira who is crying after being tormented and bullied by the head cheerleader again, Ashley. This time she managed to first beat Kira up again, then throw her into the school’s swimming pool.

“I wish I could do to her what she does to me.” Says Kira between sobs.

Blake hands Kira some clothes she had been keeping in her locker. The skinny jeans are too long and baggy on the short skinny girl. Blake is an above average height girl, 5’10”, and a fit build from playing a few sports like basketball and soccer. While Kira on the other hand is a short 5′ even and skinny as a post. She’s barely an A cup at the age of 17. She gets mistaken for Blake’s younger sister more often than not, while being a high school junior. She still fits into the clothes that she was wearing when she was 12, and the still fit her the same as when she was 12. If she was taller and grew some boobs she could be a very attractive girl. She has a very pretty face, but she’s always looking down and hiding behind her waist length red hair.

“If I had been there I would have helped you.”

“I know. I need to get to class, thanks for the clothes. I see you after school.” With that Kira hops off the counter and leaves the bathroom without another word.

This has been going on since the start of high school. There was a time where Ashley and Kira got along, but that all changed with high school. First Ashley got taller and stronger, the she got more and more attractive, joined the cheer squad and became one of the “popular” girls. Then came the bullying. She would almost solely attack Kira. She would make fun of her height and lack of strength and then beat her up or humiliate her in many different ways, like thte pool incident that day. There was nothing that Kira could do to stop her.

Soon summer vacation rolled around. Kira spent most of it alone. She didn’t see much of Blake that summer, she didn’t see much of anyone.

Once school started something had changed though. No one knew what it was, but they could feel that something was different.

“Hey pipsqueak! Get the fuck over here!” Ashley had found Kira.

“Bitch! How about you fuck off!” Everyone that heard this was shocked. Kira was standing up for herself, and now everyone knew that something bad was going to happen.

“What did you call me?!?”

“I called you a bitch, because that’s what you are. A Stupid, LITTLE BITCH!”

“YOU FINISHED BITCH!”

With that Ashley threw a punch at Kira that would have made of the linebackers on the football team fall in pain, but it was caught by Kira! Another punch thrown with her other hand, caught again! Ashley was giving it everything she had to get her hands free, Kira was just laughing!

“What’s the matter bitch? You stuck?”

Kira then began to squeeze Ashley’s fists and force her to the ground. On her knees, Ashley was at eye level with Kira and it was here that she noticed what had changed. Kira was easily as wide as she was tall! Much wider than Ashley was herself!

“How didn’t I notice this?” Ashley thought to herself. “What’s going on?!?” She yelled clearly in a great deal of pain.

Here Kira let go on Ashley’s hands and ripped of the sweatshirt she was wearing. Underneath she was wearing a very low cut tank top that was being stretched to its limits, by the biggest muscles that anyone at this school had ever seen! She was huge! She was thick! She was huge! And she was ripped as hell! Her arms must have been 25″ around! And she wasn’t even flexing! Her chest must have been a C cup, that is if there was any boobs on there! No, all she had was muscle. Her neck was a thicker than most people’s legs, her chest was huge and thick and her arms were the biggest that anyone in the school had ever seen! Moving down were her abs, and these were ripped to shreds! Some people have an amazing 6 pack, well Kira had an amazingly ripped 10 pack! Each individual muscle was its own brick, the separations between them must have been 2″ deep! Kira then reached down and ripped off the baggy sweatpants she was wearing. She had on a super tight pair of spandex shorts and these were being forced to their limits as well. Her quads were, like her arms, the biggest anyone had seen! They were ripped to shreds and even though she was standing with her feet more than shoulder width apart, they were touching all the way up to her crotch! Her calves were also ripped and huge! The must have been the same size as her arms and perfect upside down shaped hearts!

Ashley was wide eyed and shaking in fear!

“Surprised? I spent most of my summer in the gym. I was there from opening till closing every day this summer. Pushed myself to my limits, which I still have yet to find.”

She then flexed her right arm in front of Ashley’s face and it just kept on growing! Kira started to laugh.

“Look at this! My arm that used to have no muscle on it is now bigger than your chest! Now I’m going to give you what you’ve been giving me that last three years!”

She then lifted Ashley with one arm and punched her with the other! One punch was all it took. She flew across the hallway, hit the wall and slumped to the ground, unconscious. Laughing again she walked away. Everyone was starring at this muscle freak. No one was saying a word, they were all in shock.

Blake had been watching the entire thing. Kira walked out the front doors of the school, she followed her.

“WAIT!”

Kira turned her head and saw her best friend coming after her.

“Wait! Kira, wait!” She reached her and said, “Kira, that was amazing! You’re amazing! How did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you let me know about any of this?”

“Thanks Blake. I wanted to tell you but I couldn’t, I wanted to be like this before anyone knew.” She flexed her arms into a mind blowing double bicep pose.

“C-c-can I-I touch them?”

Kira nodded. She reached out and when she finally felt it, it was like touching a rock, no a boulder, no there nothing even close to how hard this was. Her arms were the hardest thing that that she had ever felt in her life! She was feeling Kira’s arms and she started to let out very quiet moans.

“Ooooo Kira this is the hottest thing I have ever seen! You’re the sexiest thing I have every seen!”

With that she surprised Kira, and even herself, and leaned down and kissed her. To her surprise, Kira kissed back. When they stopped, they both had this huge smile.

“Lets skip school today. We’ll go back to my place, I know a few things that you may enjoy” She said with a wink and another amazing flex.

To be continued…

[Metal Bent]

I think it’s good. You’ve included the usual themes that would appeal to people on this site, and I could see the scene you were trying to create.

Things to take on board, or totally disregard:

1 – I thought that you recycled words too often. This is okay if your trying to achieve a poetic rhythm within the paragraph, or even if you’re trying to mimic realistic speech (as relaxed conversation is anchored by verbal hooks). However, try to avoid needless repetition.
2 – Tighter editing. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it helps keep the reader in the story (although, I don’t know your situation, so I certainly don’t wanna offend you).
3 – The story rushed through some of the exposition, which made it seem forced. Take your time with these areas, ’cause they can add depth to the narrative, or even provide a contrast to the action.
4 – Within each sentence, you need to better identify to which character you are referring. This gets back to point one; try not using “she” so often. Supplement it with their names or descriptive terms, such as “the large blonde”, “her attacker”, “Captain Goofy Brow”.

I hope this helps. :unsure:
Well done.

[Author]

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