[Lupus14]

I like the basic story plot but also agree that making them into vicious serial killers is quite a turn-off. Maybe you can somehow get them out of this cycle and back on the "good side". I have no problem with criminals and beasts being killed, but not innocent people. If she wants to drain people to pulp, let her break into some prison and take care of the scum there.

[Lupus14]

I have ideas for 1 maybe 2 more stories for them, but it will be awhile.

To be honest, I'm not sure these stories are playing all that well with denizens of this site. First, they are told from the guy's point of view. Second, I made a massive FBB a villian in the second part, then let the guy kill her.
From other stories I've read on here, those 2 things alone could be label me as a "heretic" amongst its denizens..  ;D

I have another story arc I'm mulling over, it might be more to the liking of the site's general audience.

Thanks for reading what I've posted so far.

The way you described the "steroid monster" I did indeed feel pity when she was killed. But then again, describing her face made it much more acceptable and I was able to get over it.  ;D No, seriously – what kind of challenge would it have been for the hero, if he would punch out some skinny girl?

One reason I'm so disappointed that the story is closed, is because you left some "open ends" in it, where I'm curious to know why you wrote it, what it means, how it fits in the plot etc.

There were several police cars, their blue lights flashing, and fire department paramedic unit. Just then, a mobile crime scene lab rolled up. They walked to the edge of the crime scene tape. Several officers were talking about a murder of a homeless couple, apparently the crime scene was large and blocked the whole cross street. Craig turned around to find the other street was still closed by construction and impassible.

Who is the "homeless couple"? Who killed them, why – has it to do with the vampires or the hunters? Has it to do with the restaurant? Were the part of the menu?  ???  It's like reading Sherlock Holmes finding a corpse and then in the entire book it doesn't get resolved what it's all about.

The other thing was with the last whisper of the steroid monster. "Cassandra" Was it a warning, a hint or her name?

You understand my dilemma? I thought you are building up suspense for the next chapters where these riddles will be explained and resolved. Heck I think it would even interest Craig what or who "Cassandra" is, when his dying victim whispers it in his ear.

Anyway, this story has lots of potential and I hope to read more of it.
Thanks.

[Lupus14]

Oh no! Not "Fin" !!!  :-[
That was so beautiful! Please continue the story!

[Lupus14]

To be honest – I liked the first story of her much better. I can't get that picture of her lifting that fridge and doing curls with it out of my head. *drool*
But this story seems to me a bit "chaotic". The two other "babes" you introduced distract from the main character. Now she isn't so unique anymore, with the other "roid junkies" beside her. The part where one of them is growing a dick ruined the entire reading pleasure for me.  :-

No hard feelings. Just my two cents.

[Lupus14]

Suspense, erotic, mystery. Simply perfect. Written so smooth and professional, avoiding vulgarity.  I hope this story goes on forever.

[Lupus14]

Very good work Lupus14!

Thank you for sharing this great start.

You are confusing something. I didn't do any "work".  The great writer is CptMatt.

[Lupus14]

The illustrated story is about a female Vampire that is slim and very stacked, that goes into some "Gothic" Gym and sucks 3-4 Bodybuilders dry. After each one, she has a growth spurt, that literally lets here explode out of her clothes.
Giving them a background sounds very good. Would be neat to hear, how she became a vampire, how old she is etc. Maybe she is even a "good" vampire, that fights the bad ones and he is a vampire hunter that stumbled upon her while fighting the bad ones. But of course that is for you to decide.
The Idea that he also gains something out of this relationship is truly wonderful. Usually Vampires are like parasites that just use you. The stronger and more massive he gets, the more she can get out of him – making them both grow, grow, grow, GROW!
Your style is really smooth and very professional. I really enjoyed it and hope to read a lot more!

[Lupus14]

O boy – intense indeed! So descriptive I saw everything before my inner eye. I hope this story continues!
Were you by any chance inspired by the story "Bloodsucker" which Wreckshop illustrated?

[Lupus14]

Who's a "hater"????  ???

[Lupus14]

I like where this is going. I hope the shy guy and she become a couple and that she takes another dose of her formula to grow even more, more, more!  ;D

[Author]

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