The Noctivigant Nurse


The next day, Tia had barely exited the locker room when a doctor hastened to her side. She looked down at him with concern. "Is something wrong, Doctor Kaldwell?"

He nodded and inhaled sedulously. "There’s a teenage girl in room 121 who’s causing quite a stir. I think you might be able to calm her."

Tia sighed. "I’ll do what I can, what’s wrong with her?"

The doctor looked perplexed. "She was fine, until I began her physical, whereupon she became agitated and knocked over the scale. I think she’s sensitive about her height."

Tia gave her colleague a dubious look, but nodded. "And you need my help because I’m a tall woman myself?"

The doctor readjusted his glasses. "Well- that, and the fact that patients seem calmer around you."

The nurse ran a hand through her brilliant hair with an extensive sweeping gesture. "Come on, I’ll conduct the physical."

In room 121 sat a young female. As described beforehand, she stood about six foot seven in a corner, an overturned scale at her feet. The nurse slipped into the room.

"Hi there."

The addressee raised her ponderous head, revealing a visage predominated by puffy, vascular eyes.

Tia skimmed the file. "So, Alison, you seem to be upset by something."

The girl nodded her head slowly.

This prompted the nurse to step closer to her and place a cautious hand on her shoulder. "Would you care to expand on that?"

A frown from the patient led Tia to believe that she had made a very poor choice of wording, but the adolescent spoke anyway.

"That skinny little man… looking at me like that."

"Dr. Kaldwell? Did he do or say something that conveyed contempt?"

"Umm… I don’t like him at all," she grumbled

"He won’t be doing your physical today. I will. Now, hon, it is imperative that you remove your shirt for this, when you’re ready." Tia smiled as Allison’s muscles eventually slackened.

Allison reluctantly stripped off her thick woolen sweater, revealing a consitution with prolific curves.

"Alright.. Stand against that wall, and I’ll check your spine for scoliosis." Tia instructed.

The physical went uneventfully afterwards until the last test. "Now, please lie on your back."

After the patient obediently supinated herself, Tia reached over to prod her abdomen, but Allison bristled and retreated.

A flash of insight crossed Tia’s face. "You’re very senistive about your abdomen, aren’t you?"

Allison did not vocalize, but Tia knew the answer was affirmative. She continued. "You gained a large amount of weight quickly, didn’t you?"

This caused Allison to blink. "How did you know?"

"Plenty of girls gain a substantial amount of fat in their adolescent years. Sometimes men forget that. I assure you, that all the results of this test attest that your are healthy."

Allison raised her eyebrow. "What about the spare tire test!" She snapped.

Tia looked on, undaunted. "Your BMI is about 25, that’s a tad large, but you are only thirteen, so your body is still in flux. Continue excercising and eating properly, and you will probably be fine. Now, I’m going to have to check your organs."

Allison complacently flopped over. Tia methodically ran her fingers around her appendix before digressing to the mainstays of the digestive system. Noticing the patient still looked uncomfortable Tia began to speak. "You know, many cultures regard a larger woman as a beau ideal."

"No way."

"I am not kidding. My mother was Mexican, and when I went to visit her, guys shouted at me everywhere."

"Because you’re buff and stacked."

"Trust me, many men appreciate pears as well as apples, although they may not say it."

Tia patted the suface of Allison’s belly one more time, ensuring the organs were in their proper order. "You’re in excellent condition, and I doubt you’re as fat as you think you are." She smiled. The nurse bent down to pick up the file, but she was interrupted by a loud snap and an excruciating pain from beneath her uniform.


"Are you okay?"

Tia laughed, "Yeah."

Alison stood and smiled solemly. "Thank you, Ms. Juno"

Tia beamed. "This is my job."

The teenager slid into her sweater, and fiddled with it curiously. Eventually, she departed with a smile.

After verifying that she was the room’s only occupant, Tia produced a bottle of white-out from her pocket and edited the numbers. "Subtract fifteen Kilograms here. Add a centimeter here. Body fat percentage down by two.. and… perfect." She mumbled.

Once the ordeal with the insecure teenager was resolved, Tia met Dr. Kaldwell in the hall. He looked up from a stack of papers. "Did you square away that girl?"

"Yes I did." Tia suddenly feigned irritation. "And you had better measure your patients more carefully in the future. That girl was upset because she thought she was enormous!"

"Ahem… Her adiposity was quite disturbing." The doctor responded rapidly.

"Much of that was muscle…" Tia rolled her eyes and gave him the file.

With a furtive grin the nurse continued her routine duties. She picked up a memo from the fax machine and brought it to the desk of its proper recipient. Turning from that desk, she happened to see Chad’s disorganized station. On the desktop, Tia noted three colorful tickets and an abandoned PC amidst the morass of strewn documents and lab reports.

"Interesting…" She grinned.

A few minutes Later, Chad was examining the contents of a safety hood when a pythonian grip from behind startled him.

"Hey You! How’s research."

"Good morning Miss Juno." Chad reached over to pat Tia on the head. "The dietetics division has been awarded a grant."

"Why dietetics?"

"Well, this hospital has a ninety eight percent success rate with oncology, diabetology, and bariatrics, and the developers of the Theta nine macrobiotic regimen are taking credit for it, but I’ve yet to isolate any nutrient interaction that would account for this success rate."

"That’s interesting, but I discovered something much more noteworthy today."

"What are you talking about?"

"How long have we been friends, Chad?"

Chad paused to recall. "Two years and three days, I believe."

Tia frowned. "I saved you from that car two years and a month ago, remember?"

"Far be it from me to rebuke a woman who can lift a car over her head… What of it?"

Tia continued slyly. "You know you can tell me anything, don’t you?"

"I trust you." Chad said.

Tia dropped him, and revealed the tickets to the bodybuilding competition. "Why didn’t you tell me about your love of muscle babes?" Tia yelled, in mock-fury.

"You never asked…" Chad replied cooly.

"You’ve been storing hotties on your screensaver, while I’ve been looking all over the place for a cute man who isn’t frightened of them. Meanwhile you talk of being lonlely for someone and you didn’t even consider me You owe me at least one dinner!"

Chad stroked Tia’s cheek and sighed futilely. "You know we shouldn’t date our co-workers…"

Tia grinned devilishly and lifted Chad again. "Then I’ll have to coerce you… Have dinner with me or— I’lll— Carry you to a location ten miles from here and put you down and make you walk back to work.

Chad shrugged. "Your cogency is impermeable."

With a giggle, Tia placed Chad on his feet and left. "I knew you were smart enough to choose right." Then she was gone.

Tearing slightly, the manhandled man mused wistfully. "So beautiful… so flamboyant… Teddy would certainly like her.