My Beautiful and Athletic Ex

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    I should also point out that I’ve found some positive takeaways from this.

    There were aspects that I noticed which she (and one other Narcissist in hindsight) viewed the world from that I found useful as it differed so much from my own that it helped broaden my perspective. I can’t think of an example, but if one springs to mind, I’ll add it to this thread.

    While she and the other Narcissists I’ve encountered had pathological and clinical levels of Narcissism, there IS such a thing as “Healthy Narcissism”. It’s a topic I’ve not yet been able to delve into as I would like to, and I’m not even sure what kind of information is even out there on the topic. While I know I’ve seen Dr. Grande mention Healthy Narcissism, I couldn’t find any videos that appeared dedicated to the topic, but here’s one from Dr. Ramani…

    I’ve never considered myself unattractive, but I’ve never really had a good feel for how attractive women found me… while I’ve had occasional indicators from women, including from attractive women, it’s been few and far between, and often muted, but not always. Rarely have they indicated what they were drawn to, and even when asked wouldn’t give straight answers. While in my own attraction to women, I certainly consider physical attraction. But I also look past that to the person, to her character (or at least to what I perceive to be her character… boy did I get it wrong this time). Since I never had an idea of how I was seen physically, I was never drawn out to giving it much consideration. I lead with my character and with my intellect. That’s been my identity. But for the first time in my life, here was this woman at the pinnacle of what I find physically attractive completely doe eyed and drooling over me. Repeatedly telling me (and gushing to anyone else that would listen to her) how cute I was, telling me which specific physical attributes she liked… at the time while exciting, I took it all somewhat skeptically. But now having learned about Narcissism and how superficial, shallow, and elitist they are, and with the knowledge that they’re actually quite bad at concealing what they want, it forced me to look at myself through eyes that I’d never before seen with. While I would want her to have been attracted to me for my deeper qualities, knowing that her focus was on the superficial, shallow, and elitist combined with an inability to hide her desires tells me that she was genuinely attracted to me physically, what about me she found physically attractive (because she told me quite explicitly), and while her aim was ultimately to demoralize me (which she did in certain ways), she also gifted me with a very solid ego boost: I wasn’t merely attractive or cute, I was apparently a hot fck boy. I’ve still not fully wrapped my head around it. Although I prefer monogamy with one great woman over a cadre of flings, knowing what an impact one year of working out did for my physical attraction tells me the difference it might make in helping me find my monogamous “one”.

    Narcissistic intentions are clear:

    There was a video I’d watched that I can’t find now which contradicted the popular notion that in seeking romantic partners, Narcissists don’t pick easy targets, but rather that they are attracted to people they perceive as “above” them which better fits with the Narcissistic fantasy of the “Ideal Love”, and with their elitism (only the best of the best), and then they invariably seek to tear that person down. It was an explanation much more consistent with the overall profile of Narcissism.

    This was the only video on romantic partner selection by Dr. Grande that I could locate…

    In a relationship prior to me, she had gone for the “Similar” approach (he too was a Narcissist), but with me she went with the “Dissimilar” approach apparently thinking that I would be easy to manipulate and going nuclear when she discovered I wasn’t.

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