[Robert McNay]

A single, unattached, under-employed computer tech that had to take a 25% cut in pay to end 4 years of unemployment.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I still harbor hopes of being a writer of science fiction, action adventure or pulp-style stories. But, of course, those are the same genre' that every amateur thinks they can write in. My screen name is the first character I ever created and has become something of an alter ego, much like Holmes did for Doyle.

I have a huge collection of movie & TV videos (550+), and model kits of various types (probably more than I can ever build). I'm something of a car guy and one of my favorite forms of relaxation is driving. I have usually owned cars that reflected this. I'm also into passenger trains (old and new), aircraft, old radio shows, RPGs, naval history and wargaming.

I have always found athletic or muscular women very attractive. Even when it comes to female celebrities, I've always found the ones in good physical condition the nicest looking.
Needless to say, I also harbor a hope of sometime meeting one that'll find me attractive too, and consent to being my girlfriend.  ;D

[Robert McNay]

I believe Pike may be the lead instead of Kirk for this one, at least that's what the current articles I've read have stated.

From what I've read, Spock maybe the main character.

One unofficial/rumor synopsis I read on either DarkHorizons.com or someplace was that some Romulans slip into another timeline, or alternate dimension, to try to kill a young Kirk. The Nimoy "Spock" finds this out and follows them, enlisting the Zachary Quinto "young Spock" to stop them.

Using the alternate reality Star Trek universe I guess would allow them to play around with the much vaunted, mythical "Canon".

BTW, I'm with the the other posters, the Trekkies need to get over themselves and quit demanding everything be canon.  They're as much to blame for the damage to the franchise as Brannon & Braga are.

[Robert McNay]

This is one of the most original stories i've read all year !!
Very well written too.
I'm hoping for a lenghty series.
Please continue….

Thanks. A third story with these 2 characters will be coming soon.

[Robert McNay]

I thought I'd add a pic of my Chun Li collection. I have 2 more not in this picture, a 1/6 scale one that she's a bit "top heavy" and an unbuilt 1/8 where she looks like a real person, not an anime character.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/17341580@N06/2204791829/

[Robert McNay]

Very cool collection. I've still got my Colecovision/Adam and dig it out to play Omega Race occasionally. Plus, I've got the Vectrex with about a dozen games for it, including the Star Trek game.

[Robert McNay]

Well, thanks for the words of encouragement, but I can hold my own.  I know there are plenty of guys here, most of you seem to pm me!  lol  But, even as much as all of you like a muscular woman, I don't think I'd want to date a man who fantasized about it all the time like I think some of you here do.

Please don't take this wrong, but it makes me wonder…  I think that supporting womens bodybuilding is good, but I have to wonder about some of you and the stories I have read.

For some of you that keep it hidden away from everyone else, and it sounds like some of you live in little dark holes, you should really get out, join a gym, and maybe you could meet a woman who is into bodybuilding and staying healthy and working out.

Myself, I love to workout, and somedayy I will probably take a stab at bodybuilding, but I'll do it when I'm ready to do so and on my terms.  Like I said before, some of you should probably join a gym, and then your interest might become a reality with a really nice woman who won't think or look down at you because of your desires.

Just my two cents and the way I see this thread and have read most of your posts,

Sarah

The problem is, a lot of muscular women themselves, take a dim view of guys into them and their build. They seem to take an even stronger dislike and fetishist attitude than our closet friends would if we confided in them. It was best explified by a female bodybuilder in the Pumping Iron film about women. She said "Lucky me, I've got 4 breasts."

Its really a double standard that society can accept a guy with an oversized mammery fixation but then condemn those of us who just prefer women with more athletic or muscular build.

[Robert McNay]

I'm not really into growth. My penchant is for athletic women, and is pretty much buried and discussed with no one. I think I have a couple friends who suspect where my tastes in women lay, because I've comment on how I find particular celebrities attractive. Those celebrities are usually more athletic in build or have clearly visible muscles.

Even the pictures I collect and stories I right are tucked away on the server of my home network. The directory access permissions are set for only mine and the administrator's login. Of course, I'm the administrator  ;D .

Being single, and no girlfriend, hope springs eternal that I might meet an athletic woman like that. It would even be better if she actually liked me.  :-

[Robert McNay]

A really excellent story Capt Matt.  I am looking forward to reading more from you.

It is always great to see a new angle being used.

Your stories are very polished.  I think the only way to have anything more perfection would be to have multiple proof-readers before the text is finalized.

For writers in general, I wish there was a way for the forum to let them to go back, re-edit, and fix their spelling mistakes, say for a week or two after the episode is posted. 

I remember reading one story by one author where his characters often had "stake" dinners, but it was a mis-spelling and he meant "steak".  And then there are the authors who write "cloths" when they mean "clothes".   Of course these are mistakes spell-checkers don't pick-up.  I never bother to point these errors out because the authors don't have a way to correct them anyway.  They are little annoyances, and if the writer has good plots or good character development, and the story is generally enjoyable, I want to encourage him or her to write more.

In your case, Capt Matt, your standards are very high.  Bringing in vampires in this role, the plot, the grammar, the spelling.  Excellent.

The only thing you could add would be to give us a look inside the characters heads at what they are thinking.  That the steroid enhanced vampire killer had killed the homeless couple would have made readers happy to see her killed.  But a look inside her head at what she was thinking when she enjoyed killing these helpless people would have been even more powerful.

Of course going into that detail could turn your short story into a lengthy novel and make it too slow moving.  So there are pros and cons, and maybe it is better to have left it out.

I really enjoyed your story.  If you can see the "hit counts", I think the hit counts are the best indicator of how much your work is appreciated.

Thank you very much. I've always been a fan of fiction of any sort that at least keeps a toe in the reality pool, even if its only how the characters act and react. So I tend to write my characters as I feel a real person of similar experience and demeanor would. I rarely write someone that is impervious to emotions, unless they are the antagonist. Then, more than likely, they are some sort of sociopath, and thus you still have a realistic persona.

The "He thought…", "She thought…" would be nice to delve into, but like you said, it could turn these posts into novels. So I try to convey what they are thinking by their actions or reactions. That way, you get some insight into them, plus it moves the narrative along.

For example, the thing you mentioned, the Freak killing the homeless couple. The way I described how they found their original path to the car blocked by the murder and the alternate path impassible, leaving only the alley, I had hoped to convey (if I hadn't stupidly left the line out) that the Steroid Monster had killed the homeless innocents purely to box Craig and Lillyia into their trap. And there you also have the sociopath angle for the Freak laid out.

Like I said at the top, its all about the reality. You stray too far from it, you lose a reader connection with your characters, be they good or bad. And, at least in my opinion, you gotta connect with the character and hopefully like them, to make the story enjoyable.

[Robert McNay]

She has the most amazing arms. A lot of FBBs have incredible biceps from the front, but from behind, you can barely see them. They look like small bumps on top of a large arm.

I love how prominent her's are, front and back. It reminds me a lot of Charla Sedacca.

[Robert McNay]

Who is the "homeless couple"? Who killed them, why – has it to do with the vampires or the hunters? Has it to do with the restaurant? Were the part of the menu?  ???  It's like reading Sherlock Holmes finding a corpse and then in the entire book it doesn't get resolved what it's all about.

The other thing was with the last whisper of the steroid monster. "Cassandra" Was it a warning, a hint or her name?

You understand my dilemma? I thought you are building up suspense for the next chapters where these riddles will be explained and resolved. Heck I think it would even interest Craig what or who "Cassandra" is, when his dying victim whispers it in his ear.

Anyway, this story has lots of potential and I hope to read more of it.
Thanks.

Arrrggghhhhh! I guess proofing my own copy 6 times is not enough, I still missed something. I accidentally deleted one line too many from the Freak's gloating to Craig. It should have read……

“Enjoy your last look at that piece of pretty little bat ass of yours. I’m going to snap you in half, and then I’m going to go over there and tear her limb from limb, like I did those old derelicts on the street. If I’m lucky, you might stay conscious long enough to see me do it.”

The name "Cassandra" will be a major point in the next piece.

As for Craig not telling her, you did notice a whole lot of excitement and some pretty heavy emotions came down between them before he could? Things like an unfamiliar name tend to get forgotten when you are telling someone that you love them and trust them with your life.  ;D

I promise, I won't leave it hanging here, there will be more. I just ask that folks be patient and allow me to R&R from these first. The next 2 promise to be just as intense as the first 2.

[Author]

Posts