[Mark Newman]

Ha ha! I know just what you mean, Rob, and Thursday will have a lot more of them.

[Mark Newman]

To: Everyone

From: Marilyn

I am not going to get into a tit for tat with Bennett Maple. There will always be people like Bennett who seek violent answers to problems. Yes, the problems are real, but his solutions aren’t. They will just lead to more problems.

The authorities know about Bennett and will do their best to stop him. But there will be others we don’t know about who think like he does or can be persuaded by others who seek to mislead. These people, and I include girls like Jill, hurt us all. We, and that includes all of you, must stop them.

What I said to and about him applies to everyone. The "battle of the sexes" isn’t a war. It’s a way of describing a relationship that includes love, friendship and, yes, some conflict. But at bottom, males and females want and need each other. We have to learn a new way of being together.

Be part of the solution.

Marilyn

[Mark Newman]

Dear Simon:

It is of course possible that you do need some reining in. Adolescent rebellions can lead to some risky behavior and you are not so old that your parents aren’t entitled to set a few boundaries.

That said, it sounds like your mother is going too far. As I’ve said to other boys, and as you yourself have recognized, your change in appearance may have led your mother to treat you as though you are much younger than you are. And that’s unfair to you. What must be even harder to bear is that physically speaking you can do nothing about it. It must be bad enough for you to feel that you look like a 12 year old. But you must feel really humiliated by the ease with which your mother can dominate you physically.

So what should you do about it?

1. Try to be a little patient. Give your mother some time to adjust. She may be seeing you as a twelve year old or even younger. But if you act like a 16 year old, or even older, most mothers will recognize this and will come to their senses. (You might even get more freedom than you expect as a result of acting maturely.)

2. Articulate some clear rational limits on what she is doing — verbally. No spankings. No sleeping in the same bed. No interfering in your normal friendships. Say these things. Don’t scream or whine. Be consistent and low key.

3. Reach out to other adults in your family and in your community. Make sure they are aware of the problem. They may not be able to help immediately, but if they hear your complaints they may able to speak with your mother or help you take action later on.

If none of this works, you may be one of those (hopefully) rare cases of an abusive dominating relationship. Your mother may have her own serious problems and in such a case the combination of her physical strength and her inherent authority over you as the parent of a minor child puts you in a very bad position indeed. In the days before the Changes, many girls and even boys lived in fear of powerful, abusive fathers and society was slow to recognize and limit their authority. Unfortunately it will probably take a long time before the possibiilty that mothers can now use their size, authority and muscle-power to act inappropriately is recognized in the same way. But if you find other adult allies and get the word out quickly and in a rational way, you can do a lot to protect yourself.

Good luck

Marilyn

[Mark Newman]

Dear PP:

You haven’t asked for my help. Perhaps because you already know what I would say.

YES, we must get out the message that it is NOT acceptable for girls to abuse, dominate, bully or even rape boys.

YES, it IS possible for a girl to rape a boy. And if some lawyer wants to argue it’s not rape, then it’s sexual abuse. Same thing.

But NO, more violence will not solve the problem. And it will hurt you, PP, hurt your soul and your whole outlook on life.

Your relationship with your brother sounds wonderful. He’s very lucky to have you. Keep giving him support. I’ll send you some phone numbers of counselors who will be sympathetic. Your caring for him will do more good than revenge on this girl.

And if I haven’t persuaded you, just think what will happen to him if YOU should be arrested for assault or worse.

He needs you by his side. Be there.

Marilyn

[Mark Newman]

Dear Andrew:

Thanks for your comments. They are frank and constructive.

There has been no official comment on Anthony. I won’t repeat the rumors I’ve heard and I hope others won’t either. The police are doing all they can.

[Mark Newman]

Dear Sue:

Congratulations for taking such a responsible approach! Your attitude is just the sort of thing that makes me proud of being a woman. You must know, yourself, what kind of behavior you valued in boys when girls were the weaker sex. Boys will want much the same now.

*Develop a "sixth sense" for when boys need help with things that are too difficult for them now, like lifting or carrying things, but don’t overwhelm them with offers or baby them. Even though they are weaker, they have not become children and most don’t like it when their weakness is highlighted. In time this will probably change. Boys born after the changes will not carry the same memories and will think it natural that they are weaker. These boys may even enjoy it, as some girls used to, when stronger girls show that they notice a boy by helping them with their superior strength. But for now, this attitude is a minority.

*Don’t tease boys about being weaker. Many of them are very sensitive about it. They feel they have lost their identity, their masculinity, by being weaker than you. It doesn’t make a girl more of a woman to make a boy feel unmasculine!

*Respect boys for what they can do.

*Don’t make comments about their bodies. They are VERY self-conscious now about being small and weak.

*Talk with your girlfriends about how to behave with boys.

Good luck!

Marilyn

[Mark Newman]

Dear Marelynn

So your the one everybuddy’s writing when they thinkthey have problems. To bad you never wer arund when I had problems.

Yeah I got Anthony but hes not writing emales right now. No way. and you wont find him or me so don’t even try. were finaly hapy together. he don’t say much but I can tell from how he reyacts to me that hes hapy. A girl knows these things, you know what I mean.

Its really fun being abel now to do things to anthony I couldn’t do befor. growing big mussels like this is magic like a wish come tru. Im so strong and anthony cant do anything about it. Noone can. I was strong for a girl befor but it like didn’t matter but it realy does now. were I got anthny theres nothin to do but exersise my mussles and get bigger all the time. just think about it. ha ha. its too bad that guy was there wen I went to see anthony or I woudn’t have hurt noone. it was so easy. mabe it shoudnt be so easy but it was.

aneway don’t go looking for me and anthony. im stronger than all the police and they coud get hurt. realy. anthonys allright. he says to tell you. ok not realy but im taking good care of him and hes getting lots of attenshun. all parts of him. you know? your like a doctor so you know what I mean.

[Mark Newman]

Dear Anonymous:

Thank you for telling me. To be honest, this is far beyond my ability to help. The school authorities are now aware of the situation and with the help of the police will take steps to protect students at the school. Obviously weapons cannot be permitted in a school environment.

I know some boys feel they need guns to protect themselves. Let’s think about this for a few minutes. Males have had bigger muscles for all of history. Suddenly the tables are turned, and only now does it become clear that the weaker sex needs murder weapons to protect themselves? Do any of you see the problem here?

The boys have to give up the idea that they are somehow entitled by natural or god-given law to have ultimate power in the battles of the sexes. That is NOT the same as saying they should be victims. They have to learn new strategies to cope with the Changes and hold their own. I’ve been a female for all of my 24 years, and until last week I’ve been the weaker sex. Guys: Believe me, you can be weaker than girls and still survive very well.

Deal with it!

[Mark Newman]

I agree. Of course, she doesn’t know yet what she has.

[Mark Newman]

To: Everyone

From: Marilyn

As many of you know, in my reaction to Anthony’s note and the grisly murder in his garage I wrote too quickly. It turns out that was NOT Anthony’s body in the garage, but that of another young man from a neighboring town. Anthony’s friends and family are relieved that he is still alive, but no one knows where Jill is keeping him.

Anyone with information is requested to contact the police. You may also contact me. Your name will be kept in complete confidence.

Marilyn

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