[averageguy2]

Wow, interesting topic. I'm a buff guy. Who like Strawberry, worked immensely to lose extra poundage. If that helps anyone. I work out 4 times a week, work 40 hours 8-5 and am extremely active.

On another note, the only problem with being totally honest, is that you have to utilize TACT in order to not offend anyone.  Being BRUTALLY honest, and believe me I've been there as I'm sure some of you have witnessed, WILL make your Karma rating go down if it's given too frequently. And yes, it DOES come across as judgemental after a while.  But in the end, you're what, 21? You're an attractive woman, of course, and I'm sure at your age that you still have this feeling of being invulnerable from the outside world as we all once thought at that age. No problem there. I'm sure that your stint in the Marines and in the years following, your openess with being brutally honest will wane as you learn to empathize with some people because you've begun to share similar experiences. You'll learn that the demands of life will make it much much more difficult to simply change things around midstream and the old adage, "easier said then done" and "dont judge a man until you walk a mile in his shoes" will enter your vocabulary.

Last night I had the pleasure of attending a nice dinner with a young woman who did a stint in the army, 6 months in Iraq after the initial invasion, and returned home after being seriously hit by a roadside bomb. She was still incredibly fit after a long road to recovery and she noted that after her experiences there a lot of the cockiness, (I do think you have a tinge of cockiness there in my opinion Strawberry)  and the brutal honesty and judgements she gave others, derived from youth, had completely changed. In the end, she told me that she finally grew up. Very interesting to meet a woman like that.

Semper Fi

[The_Pimp_NeonBlack]

Muffin? Honestly, I am ^^; but as I said it's not all fat. o.O

And Straub, I look like this http://img259.imageshack.us/img259/3684/megardensml2jd.jpg

Kulli: strangely enough, you are near the spitting image of one of the Shadow's deareat friends and I's would in no way call her fat.
Of large build, yes, but never "fat" to use the term.

You have a build that is commonly referred to as a "barmaid's build", that is broad shouldered, low and strong centre of gavity and much hidden strength. It is a build that lends itself well to such endevours as powerlifting, because of the low centre of gravity and broadness of the shoulders and hips to evenly carry the weight -similiar to how a barmaid carries beer kegs as so forth.

You, nor anyone else here, should be ashamed of your forms. The human body is glorious because it exists not because of shape -natural or unnatural.
Be proud you all, no matter what, for at least you have the entirity of your forms, unlike some.

Peace
The Pimp NeonBlack

[El_Roy_1999]

I say BOO-YAH!! to Kulli. Since I saw her face, I thought: what a beautiful woman. Same physique as my girlfriend. And: The long hair looks great (which it does not on my girl, she has a buzzcut now, and it fits).

BTW: Yay for Buddha!

[reveille]

I be a fat guy.

[nohelp]

I probably fall in the normal category. I workout about  four times a week during the summer or between semesters. My body is not really buff but it has a slight amount of definition. I am 5' 10'' and 160 lbs. Being a Navy Reservist, I have to perform the Navy's prt twice a year.

[Anonymous]

I like to think of myself as pleasantly plump. ^_^

WOOOO Look at it go!

Anyways, most men like women with a little jiggle, its been proven scientificaly!
Dont believe me? Well then your a meany.
Thats right I went there. O_o

[Anonymous]

As for the whole ovaries on the outside debacle, you lost me after the first uttering of the word dick.

The opposite is true in Team America. I don't understand where I went wrong! 😀 It's good that you understand what I'm saying, though.

ALEX: I know you meant it well, I just didn't want others to get the impression that talk like that was a-okay for me 😉
If people become self-conscious just because I ask about what they look like, then maybe they should change their body type if a simple question throws them into a self-hating tizzy.

"To be blunt, its one thing to be femuscular eye-candy, but once you start demonstrating that you got a personality with some real brains to go with the body you suddenly become a threat to their fantasy."
I think it's more the fact that I not only asked people not to treat me like their own personal muscle babe, but I went and made two posts on dA (one to be a less angry-sounding version of the other) talking about how annoying these men are, about how they are unoriginal and have nothing new to offer. So, it's not the brains, it's the lack of desire to put up with their advances and other bs.

KULLI: I agree about the "barmaid build."
I can't speak for others, but when I say "no offense," I mean "Look, this is going to sound mean, but it needs to be said because you need to address and fix this problem. Don't get hung up on being prideful, just take the truth for what it is: the truth." So, if I were to say that you were a whore, then the conversation would have to lend itself to the idea that it's dangerous to you or that you are insulted without knowing why:
you: "I don't know why people make fun of me for being a slut."
me: "No offense, Kulli, but you are kind of a whore. (insert examples)."
OR
me: "I'm worried about your health."
you: "Why?"
me: "No offense, but you're kind of a whore. (insert reasons why it's dangerous)."

I don't know if EVERYONE thinks this way, or if they just use "no offense" as a term which means "I will insult you a lot now."

AVERAGEGUY: Congrats on your weight loss. Why did you lose?
Thank you for your comments about how the military changes someone. I am fully aware that when I get back from Iraq, I will not be the same person, and I'm looking forward to seeing who that person is.
Tact has backfired on me in the past. Many, many times. It's either I have no idea what tact actually is, or that the people I upset were too angry to hear that they weren't perfect…either may be correct. In any case, I decided to give up on being tactful (within reason) because if people are going to get mad when I'm being nice as I can, then no reason to go out of my way to write/talk for a long time only to have them still as pissed as if I just got straight to the point. I've also been told that I talk/write too much, so unless a person wants more explination, I am blunt. I know how to judge a situation better than I did in the past, and so I use more tact when I think it's needed. Some people still get mad, so the only difference between using a lot of tact in the past and using it sparingly now is that I get to save time. :shrug: At least some good came of it.

[averageguy2]

If people become self-conscious just because I ask about what they look like, then maybe they should change their body type if a simple question throws them into a self-hating tizzy.

This is an example of tact where you failed in using it. Instead of coming to a middle ground, you fail to empathize that maybe some people may not have the time or the ability to change their body structures as easily as you. You respond that if YOU ask them a question, maybe THEY should change if something offends them. While useful at times, this is not always the proper attitude to have and you could have a litte bit more empathy for people who may not be as fortunate as you to have your lifestyle due to different demands in their life. This is what I mean by your youth and somewhat of a "cocky" attitude. 

I think its great that you're on here and that you add a lot to the community. The people here have supported your development and offered tremendous encouragement on your transformation. I think that a little bit more sensitivity to their own needs might be in order.

Also, thank you for your comments.
As for everyone else, I agree with the Pimp, you're all beautiful just the way you are.

Peace.

[y498yates]

YATES: My supervisor works two jobs, one behind a desk and one as a landlord. What possessed you to do that. He complains about how much he hates it, and it seems like it's a time sink for you, especially with a fiance. Does your 50 hour a week job pay you THAT poorly? I mean, it's admirable to have two jobs, but wouldn't it be better to try and find a better paying one?

Find a job that pays me more?  Of course! Why didn't I think of that sooner?!  😛

I work to live, I don't live to work.  My income properties are going to become the nest egg that will allow us to "retire" before we are 50.  As a landlord, I don't have to do a whole lot more than a normal home owner.  I do, however, spend a little extra time on things like curb appeal because that is part of what makes my property marketable.  Knock on wood, I have had a pretty good track record with finding reliable tenants.  I like to think that my tenants treat me right because I always deliver more than I promise and treat them more than fairly.

Maybe I can become a bodybuilder after I retire when I have all that extra time on my hands?    🙄

[Anonymous]

AVERAGEGUY: “This is an example of tact where you failed in using it.” Hehe, I knew you’d say something like that. You go on to say that I should be more empathetic to their needs. The thing is, their problems with themselves does not ever give them the right to unload on anyone. If I were saying “Hey, fatty fat fat fat, why don’t you lose weight, you tub of lard? I lost it, you should, too,” then I can understand why they would be mad. But simply posing a question should not upset them, and if it does, that still doesn’t give them the right to be upset with me. Their circumstance? Lack of willpower? Lack of hours in the day? Lack of money? Sure. But the person who merely poses a question shouldn’t be targeted. I think it’s silly to sit back and listen to these people with a sympathetic ear for their misdirected anger. It’s not my fault that they don’t have the time/energy/resources to change themselves. It’s not my job to change them, so they can’t get mad at me for not changing them, either. And I never said that anyone was ugly, fat, lazy, or not good enough, so they can’t get mad because I never insulted them for it.

“I think its great that you're on here and that you add a lot to the community.” You aren’t the first to say that, so I will ask: what on earth do I do to add a lot to the community?

“I think that a little bit more sensitivity to their own needs might be in order.” So…they can get mad at me because they offer me encouragement, and since they offer me encouragement, I should take whatever bs they happen to dish out? I don’t know how you could possibly construe it as anyone’s fault but their own for getting mad because someone asked a question. I’m not about to be a whipping girl because of my non-offensive curiosity. If I did say “Geeze, you guys are lazy and probably really ugly, no wonder why you don’t have girlfriends,” then you could accuse me of being tactless, tell me that I need to be more empathetic, and I would agree with you and most definitely apologize. But all I did was ask a non-offensive question…that doesn’t warrant people getting defensive towards me because my question happened to strike a nerve. Also, I figured people were behaving this way because that’s what it seemed like…I actually don’t know if they were actually angry or defensive, it could just be how I read it. If someone says “Riddick, your words hurt me,” then I would instantly apologize and go on to explain that I didn’t mean it, and that they shouldn’t be worried about what they look like, etc., etc..

People come to me with their problems all the time. They share things with me that make me angry, sad, or encouraging, based on how they feel. I will admit that there are times I cry with people because I feel so bad for what they have had to go through. Don’t accuse me of lacking empathy just because I don’t want to listen to people become defensive because something non-offensive I said just so happened to make them unleash pent up anger. Maybe you’re too busy trying to lecture me on the finer points of tact that you have forgotten that I didn’t actually do anything to warrant this kind of (perceived, as I said, no one has actually SAID anything) response, I don’t know.

You would probably agree, there is a time for empathy and a time for (sometimes harsh) encouragement to help a situation. Some people complain about how their boyfriend was horrible so they left him…that gets empathy because of what they had to go through. Some people complain about how their boyfriend is horrible but they still stay with him…that gets encouragement to leave so they don’t have to keep going through that. Except for Yates, no one has given any kind of explanation as to why they are out of shape when they do not wish to be (one person did give an explanation, but he’s not out of shape). As far as I know, it’s just a bunch of rhetoric that prevents them from facing the facts. I can’t empathize with the same old excuses. The only point of those excuses is to prevent people from facing the facts, including that they were (potentially) rude to someone for no good reason. No one likes to hear that, so they say “Well, I uh…I’m too busy to work out, you ever think of that?” and then they still get to not work out and then get on me for not being nice enough to them. Cognitive dissonance makes people do some silly things.

You could say that the reason I’m so forward with people is BECAUSE I care about them. I hate seeing people hurt themselves as much as I hate seeing other people hurt other people. For example, I hate minefields, which is why I am going into combat engineering. I hate when people are homeless or without schools and hospitals, which is why I’m going into combat engineering. I want to fix it. In cases where I can’t physically fix something (like over the internet), the person instead gets a solution to fix their problem. So, if someone says “Well, I’m busy, I can’t work out,” I say “Hey, look, you can either be mad at how you look or you can fix it. Working out doesn’t take a year out of your life, it’s only 30 minutes a day…20 if you really are constrained. You can wake up 20 minutes earlier, go to bed 20 minutes later, or do it during your lunch break. You can even do it when you’re trying to unwind. Too tired? You’ll always feel better and more energized after a workout, so don’t give me that excuse. So, it comes down to you either make time, or you stop complaining.” To some people, that’s not empathetic. That’s rude. That’s condescending. But no one stops to think that maybe I’m telling them that because I care about their health. They always assume that I’m just being a dick. Maybe I could be nicer about it, and I’ll try to work on that. But as I said, all that being nice has done is waste time because no matter how nice you are, some people will never want to hear the truth. I hate being perceived as a dick, so if you could suggest a happy medium, that would be great.

What it boils down to: I appreciate your advice (I really, truly, honestly do, advice is a great and precious thing and I’m always happy to hear it), but I just don’t think it applies in this case because of the particular situation. If you would like to show me how it applies here, then I’m open to hearing it and please feel free to do so. Here’s my point so you can tell me how I’m wrong: since I didn’t say anything that in and of itself is offensive, it is not my fault that some people may get upset. 

YATES: I hate hearing stories like yours. Stories where people work so hard, and even though the jobs may not seem like a big deal (you said that it’s like being a home-owner but you do more for curb appeal), they still sap the life out of you. I hate hearing it because you say that you “work to live” which implies that you’re just trying to survive at the bare minimum and that really stinks.

Fortunately, you can wait until later in life to start boosting your muscles, or even do non-muscular things like long distance biking, hiking, or running. Exercising in your golden years is great because it shows that you really care about your body. It makes you happier, healthier, and can even extend your life. I live near a senior citizen heavy area, and I see some of them outside walking, some even jogging, and it makes me smile to see people care that much about their health. So if that’s the plan, then go for it. Get all this work crap out of the way now, and be all retired up before 50. That would rule. I get so pumped hearing people do that later in life, and maybe these will pump you, too:

http://www.beachbody.com/content/successstorywin/successstorywinmain.jsp?ruleID=3768&itemID=434&itemType=CATEGORY&showChanges=true (43 and 41 years old)
http://www.beachbody.com/jump.jsp?itemID=440&itemType=CONTENT&path=23 (I didn’t see an age, but old)

That’s one thing that helps, getting pumped to do it.

If you *can* find 30 minutes a day, then do it. With a busy schedule and what sounds like spousal obligations, it might be hard. I always think that there’s some time to work out in your day, and because it’s something you want and because I want to see people accomplish their goals, I hope you can find some of that time. Heck, even if you’re just watching TV, that’s 30 minutes right there to do situps, pushups, flutter kicks, squats, lunges, calf raises, leg lifts (sit down and throw up your legs so they are straight out…you can also lay on your stomach with your legs straight out and throw them up so your knees are at a 90 degree angle), arm circles (do small ones where 3 circles equal a count of 1. Stick your arms out to the side, keep elbows stiff, and do 10 forward and 10 backward. Then, without resting, lift your arms at 45 degree angles with your arms now pointed forward, and do 10 inward and 10 outward. Then point your arms straight up, and do 10 in and 10 out. Since they’re 3 circles per count of 1, then you’re actually doing 30 circles per exercise), oblique situps, squats where you jump up instead of just stand up, jog in place, do calisthenics, etc.. This way, you get only 30 minutes to put aside for working out, you’re inside watching TV so that’s somewhat relaxing, and since you don’t need weights, a gym, or a gym membership it’s free and you and your partner can do it together. IF you want to get started sooner than retirement, I would suggest doing this. Hope you can figure something out, and good luck with your two jobs. 🙁

[Author]

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