[JimmyDimples]

Cell phone as scanner.  You, my mang, are a jerry-rig genius.

And that piece of art.  Simple.  Massive.  Lovely.  Can't miss.

What's in the glass, though?

[JimmyDimples]

JimmyDimples: "Drinks and swears"? Yeah, she's let a naughty word slip here and there, but not beyond (what I consider to be) a "normal" level. Maybe that's still too much, but… if you think Tetsuko is foul-mouthed, you definitely won't like Holly in the "Contest Jitters" storyline. (But then, you're not supposed to like her.)

Well, back in the '70s, when the Dimples family was building a new house, little Jimmy was fiddling with letters, and making nonsensical words at random.  And he discovered a curse word by mistake.  Didn't help that he'd scrawled it on the cinder blocks forming the basement.  Pa Dimples saw it, and quickly took a paint stirring stick to his son's bottom.

Then little Jimmy tested the waters by saying it out loud in front of his mother.  Ma Dimples gave him the same thing.

Big Jimmy's been a very clean mouthed chap ever since.  And while Tetsuko isn't Andrew Dice Clay, Big Jimmy still wouldn't want to hear such nasty language from such a nice face.

And where did you get the idea that she drinks? As far as I know, I haven't drawn any picture of her with anything stronger than a cup of coffee in her hand. I imagine she'll have an occasional beer or cocktail on a night out, but she certainly doesn't consider alcohol to be necessary for a "good time". (I'm even toying with the thought that, in her new form, her metabolism is so high now that she's incapable of getting drunk; her body processes the alcohol so fast it doesn't have time to reach her brain before it's gone. She could drink a whole keg of beer, and the only effect it would have on her is that it would make her have to go to the bathroom a lot. So she doesn't even bother with "adult beverages" most of the time.)

Yes, I remember when Ashlee-Chan did the infamous "dollar bill" scenelet, for which you did a sketch.  And you'd said that she might do one beer or mixed drink a week since she doesn't go clubbin' that often, and there were lots of unsavory aspects in it that you didn't want to mix her up with anyway.  Not that she wouldn't dress like a hottie.  Still, being a tee-totaller, I'd feel a little uncomfy about having any booze around the house.

Also, with other spiritual considerations, I don't think I'd be able to tie the knot with Tetsuko if she were flesh and blood.  ("And there was much rejoicing in the land of http://www.amaz0n.com." :-P")

And the question of whether she can even have kids is still up in the air… her metamorphosis may have left her incapable of conceiving; I don't know yet… And Amazon Lover is right (again), she would "clean up her act" if there were children involved.

Hmmm… that WOULD be a very pithy, dramatic story arc if Tetsuko went for her checkup and Dr. Sonja Gammon said after she saw the results, "Uh, Tetsuko… I think there may be some serious considerations we'd better sit down and talk about."

Lots of room for development… but WAY down the track.

[JimmyDimples]

I think ANY groom standing next to Tetsuko or DCM's other ladies would look like a cake figurine.  😛 😉

[JimmyDimples]

Just about every Amaz0ns.com's guy's fantasy, right there.  Simple.  Lovely.  Another masterwork and fave of mine, Mr. Matthews.

I'm wondering what's going through Tetsuko's mind, though?  I can see the tranquility, concern, nervousness, and anticipation in her face easily enough.

Only Mr. Matthews knows, but I'm guessing…

"Wow.  At long last.  I don't know who's luckier, him or me."

"And to think it all started because he marched right up and said hi, when no one else would."

"Dang, my back and shoulders feel cold.  Turn back the AC, Pastor!"

"I know there's a lot of guys on suicide watch now… oh, well, there's still lots of fish in the ocean for them."

"I wonder what will the kids be like?"

"Oh $#?!  My veil's flipped back!  I can't stop and cover my face now!"

Any others, folks?

((Oh, and for the record… while it's a fun thought, I ultimately wouldn't want Tet-chan as is now for my bride… she drinks and swears.  Not healthy for a family.))

[JimmyDimples]

Well, to quote Aesop's moral from "The Farmer, His Son, and the Donkey," you try to please everybody, and you end up pleasing nobody.  Pick the one(s) you feel is(are) best.

But if you want to please ME…  😉

Something happens to hulk up the womenfolk of an area.  Global, nationwide, one town, a school, you make the call.  And it turns out the change is less for the better than the worse.  Much bullying and oppression, and guys getting dumped on.  Some may be twits that deserved it, but many more aren't.

But in this core, there's one guy who won't sit down and take it.  He's being a pal to the oppressed, and striving to keep the guys' dignity and respect.  (And it's catching the attention of the ogresses, and maybe one or two potential Uber-babe romantic interests who have been wondering why boys aren't exciting or much fun anymore.)

Hmmm… that's another thing… clashing titanesses lovesick over one boy.  That hook would be another story in itself!  😀

[JimmyDimples]

OK, I decided to make an author's decision, and I decided to make this story happen BEFORE Deena/Dyna reveals her secret ID to her beau Scott.  And I tweaked and edited the chapters appropriately.  No major shifts in the time-space continuum, but I thought youse guys would want to know.

STILL won't add the missing bit on the tail end of chapter 1, though.  YOU figure it out.  😕

[JimmyDimples]

To quote the Nintendo 64's "Goldeneye 007,"  "Grabbed by the Spetsnaz?  Sounds painful!" 😛

Nice pics!

[JimmyDimples]

Sorry I let this one fall by the wayside.  I keep meaning to finish it… I gotta uninstall Minesweeper and block MSN's Zone Games.  Here's something to tide us over…***

As the hot, unrelieving wind kicked up sand in his face, Jamil trudged across the desert as slowly as his day's work had passed.  He wasn't kidding himself.  If he didn't get something to drink quickly, he'd end up like his foreman. 

Blinking the last gust out of his eyes, he saw a building that wasn't there last week.  Much more modern than what he'd seen before.  He then remembered he'd brought pipes and plumbing supplies to the construction site there.  Certainly there would be water there. 

He picked up his pace a notch more.  But then his hopes took a hit when he saw a foreboding guard blocking the front door.  It was an old acquaintence (not a friend, but at least he'd never struck at Jamil).  Mus'ad.  "What do you want?" he growled.

Jamil didn't look him in the eye. "I am hoping to get some water," he peeped.

"River's ten kilometers that way," Mus'ad huffed, pointing. 

"Mus'ad, look, I am hot and–"

"No, you look.  I'm under strictest orders straight from Dr. Thrax.  Any unauthorized personel within ten steps of this building are to be shot.  You're within eleven.  Now move on!"

Jamil's heart surged up his throat.  That paranoid madman?! "Dr. Thrax?! Was he the one I saw in the palace a moment ago?"

"Yes!"  Mus'ad brandished his rifle.  "Now leave!"

Defeated, intimidated and thirsty, Jamil slumped his shoulders, ready to go away. But a nagging feeling wouldn't.  Something wasn't right about Mus'ad's face, it seemed greyer.  Even his posture was off, stiffer, stonier.  Mus'ad didn't quite seem 100% human.  (Well, he never was a soft heart, but now he looked even less so.) 

Jamil decided to test something.  "I also noticed there were some new girls in the General's halls."

Mus'ad's forehead wrinkled.  "Uh?"

"New girls.  They must be additions to his harem."

The soldier squinted his piggy eyes and said nothing for a few seconds.  "Pretty ones?"

"I would think so."

After a moment Mus'ad nodded.  Then he half smiled, and his real self showed through a little more.  "I'm checking it out." He threw Jamil his rifle.  "Cover for me."

"But I am not allowed to take a weapon," Jamil protested.  "I am just a peasant."

"Then you're under GLA orders!  Watch the door and don't let anyone in until I come back!"  And he double-timed it over to the palace's back entrance.

Holding the weapon unevenly, Jamil looked at the door.  Then he looked at Mus'ad until he disappeared into the palace.  Then he scanned the horizon to make sure no foreign unfriendlies were around. 

"I think I should keep a closer eye on what exactly I'm guarding," he rationalized to himself.  And he opened the door and let himself in.

***

"Hoooo, hoohoohoo hoooooooooo!" 

Eyes rolling crazily, Lao Zi was stoned out of his mind.  "Man… that is one… good… smoke."

The general laughed along.  "I figured you would enjoy it."

Sitting and sipping a coffee through a straw and a tiny slit in his veil, even Dr. Thrax seemed more relaxed, even guardedly jovial. 

"So, anyway, in my civ days I just puttered around, trying to see if I could break in, man," Lao Zi giggled.  "I was, like, just bored.  And they hadn't even changed the passwords in over a year."

"They hadn't?" the general inquired.

"Shoot, the storage facilities near Lanzhou and Xian still had the original passcodes that came with the Windows 2000 systems!" he cackled. 

"Weren't you concerned about getting caught?" Dr. Thrax asked.

"I was.  By Black Lotus."  Lao waved it off.  "They sent the Red Guard to pick me up.  But High Command saw what I could do, called me a genius, and recruited me with their cyber division." He took another puff. "Even if I were caught today, I'd just say I was checking their security, and criticize them for not tightening up."

The doctor snorted.  "With China one of the biggest hacker centers of the world, I find it most hard to believe its military would be so lax."

"Oh, please.  I can show you myself.  Can you get wi-fi here?" 

"No need.  I can connect your laptop directly into our own LAN here."

Mellowed out and amenable to that, Lao then staggered over and pecked away.  Soon he showed off his skills, still 'leet even after his toking.  He cracked into the warehouse with ease, and as a bonus, tapped into the security cameras showing Hong Kong Chief Executive Donald Tsang in the shower, and rearranged the military lane's traffic alert signs in Shanghai so they read, "USA Pathfinders Are Turnips."
 
"Very, very impressive," said the general.  "Perhaps you can also arrange it so the Red Air Force military hospital in Guangzhou can transfer a few kilograms of their human genome isolation isotope to their storage facility in Kashgar."

His laughter died down quickly at that.  He seemed to sober up in a hurry.  "That will cost extra," he said dryly.

"Oh come now," smiled the general.  "Just for a goof.  They won't miss it."

He waved his hand no.  "Business is business."

"Ah, yes," Dr. Thrax nodded.  "Just like my friend Jarman Kell would say.  Very well.  Maybe you might be interested in a trade?  Something that might be worth, say, your services and, oh, the cash we just gave you?"

Lao Zi stared, trying to focus.  Then he started giggling again.  "Like what? Certain photos of my previous C.O.?"

Dr. Thrax actually chuckled at that.  "Even more valuable."  He reached in his coat's pocket and pulled out two small small vial. He passed one to the general, who sipped it readily.  And Dr. Thrax held up the other for their guest to see. 

Lao Zi squinted.  "What's that?"

"Antidote."

The hacker's forehead wrinkeld.  "Antidote?  For what?"

The general snickered with a snort as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.  "For the poison you just inhaled!"

Lao Zi's face paled grayly.  Then he started cackling again, partly from the drugs, partly from the panic.

"Mr. Bom," the doctor cautioned, "that poison can drop an adult camel in ten seconds.  It's a little slower on humans, moreso with the dilution by the tabamel, but not that much slower." 

Soon Lao Zi's breath got very coated and shallow.  He tugged at his collar.  It was like asthma to the fourth degree.  Quickly he pecked into the laptop, and shunted a load over to where his hosts indicated.  But he said, "Your contact will need an authorization code to pick it up."

"So give us one," said the general. 

He trembled.  "I want my cash!"

"I've never seen a hearse with a luggage rack, Mr. Bom."

He quickly typed some more, and held a finger one inch over one key.  "I just undid all the work I did for you!  And I set the computer to reformat the hard drive in thirty seconds.  If you don't give me the antidote AND money, my computer will erase itself, I'll die, and you will get nothing!"

"Bluff." 

"I'm not!" 

The seconds ticked away.  Sweat went down Lao Zi Bom's brow.  His breathing grew more labored.  The general and Dr. Thrax sat patiently with their hands folded.  Then finally the timer on his laptop read :05… :04… :03… :02… :01… :00.

Horrible grinding noises came from under the keyboard as the screen went blank.  Lao Zi fell down to the floor, choking and rasping, and staring up at his murderers.  "You… you…"

Dr. Thrax shook his head in mock sadness.  "How terribly tragic.  A horrible loss of a good computer man.  I guess the Global Liberation Army will have to struggle on without your help."

"Not necessarily," said the general.  "As I believe our guest's crazy next door neighbor Kim Jong Il has said, there are three kinds of fools in the 21st century:  those who won't learn English, smokers…" and here he held up his hooka's tube, which wasn't connected to the bowl, "…and the computer illiterate."  He pointed to his own LAN computer.  "We sent a little bit of spyware into your deck, which monitored, saved, and backed up all your actions onto our own partitioned hard drive.  We've got every password, address, information packet and letter peck we need to go back and do it again." 

His skin turning a literal shade of green, Lao Zi Bom wheezed shrilly, unable to speak.  He silently mouthed, "How could you do this to me?!"

"What did you expect?  You betrayed your own nation for money.  You probably would've done the same to us once you'd left.  We simply got the last laugh first."

And the treasonous computer ace then turned a full ashen green, and started to retch and gag.  A rattle sounded in his voice box… and then his chest sank for the very last time.  And then his body started to smoke as it began its rapid decomposition.

Dr. Thrax tightened the veil around his face.  "I've seen this countless times.  And while I appreciate it, I'm still not quite used to the smell."

The general nodded.  "Me, I simply cannot watch such a gruesome fate to someone I've known all these years.  Let us go to the harem.  Rashida!  Broom and dustpan!"

To Be Continued

[JimmyDimples]

Caption:

"You know, as soon as I pop back into shape after you T-boned my Mercedes, buddy, you're gonna look like your pick-up's radiator grille."

[JimmyDimples]

Ack!  Could someone NSFW the reference pick, please?!  😳

[Author]

Posts