[Mark Newman]

I really enjoyed this story.  Thanks Max.

[Mark Newman]

Glad you've found us, Helplesscase.  I've always enjoyed your stories and have used them as springboards for my own in some cases, as you probably know.

I don't think the story jumped around too much at all.  It's a common style now to use several plot streams at the same time, and gradually to show how they are all linked.  I think it works well when you are portraying a shift in the whole world and it enables the reader to draw his own connections and conclusions.  It also makes it easy to play with different characters and story lines.

I also think the pace is fine.  For me, the pace can never be "too slow" because what I am enjoying (and I think many of us here feel the same way) is the depiction of an altered universe where women are strong.  It's being there, not getting to the end, that's important, so the longer you let us play in your universe the better.

We all have different favorite things to dwell on.  For me it's the power shift, so the earlier scenes when the changes are just getting going and the girls start bursting with muscle are my favorite parts.  For others it may be the domination scenes or the infantilization parts.  Your story has it all, and that's a good thing.

Thanks for writing, and welcome to this forum.

Mark

[Mark Newman]

I've been doing most of my writing for the Superwomenmania workshops.  "The Pick-up" was the latest, and I have another story nearly ready for the next competition, which is on the topic of "using a weapon against an ubergirl".

BUT, I have not abandoned "Pendant Changes" and still work on it, bit by bit.  It just won't be ready anytime soon, I'm afraid.

I've finished Yearzero.  The last few scenes go pretty far.  I'm not sure how many more "years" he'll be able to take it.  Also, I'm not terribly into the infantilization or feminization themes, but the growth and transformation are very well done, and I agree, he makes it sound very realistic and natural.  This is the same thing I strive for in my stories and it's probably why I like his so much.

[Mark Newman]

I should add a question.  Does anyone know how to get in touch with Helplesscase?  I asked Diana to pass on a message, but only received from her the suggestion that I post a note on her Writers bulletin board.  I've never seen Helplesscase post there, so I doubt he reads it.

Any suggestions?  Or does he read this board?

[Mark Newman]

Ah, something new to read!  I've always liked Helplesscase.  I'm glad he's written another story.

[Mark Newman]

This is probably not the story you're looking for, but it's a similar theme.

http://www.thevalkyrie.com/stories/marknew/ann1.txt

Mark

[Mark Newman]

Sorry I've neglected so long to post this.  I suppose y'all could have followed the link, but I like to make it easy.

Mark

The Pick-Up (A thousand word story)
by Marknew
John has a tougher time with his Ex-girlfriend than most of us.

This story was written for Superwomenmania Workshop 2.1. 
The assignment was to write a story of no more than 1,000 words on the topic
"Pissed off Superwoman gets back at her Ex."

John shifted his butt on the bar stool, breathed deeply and gazed at the
beauty next to him.  She held his look and smiled slightly when his eyes
drifted to her generous bosom, most of which was visible above her low
neckline.  She lifted a strand of blond hair from her eye, her forearm casually
brushing against her breast, briefly revealing more of its delectable
fleshiness as it wobbled before regaining its delectable repose inside.

He knew she was waiting for him to say something, to make the move he wanted
so badly to make.  Two guys at a nearby table looked at him enviously.  "Why
him and not me?" their expressions said.  If they only knew!  Although he
wanted her, he would gladly trade places with them.  Why do I DO this!!?
Because I'm a guy, he answered himself.  Because I want to get laid.  Because
it's been eight months. Because this girl is gorgeous.  Fucking gorgeous.  And
totally willing. 

More willing than he was, actually, under the circumstances.  Because it was
hopeless.  Why bother?

She must have noticed his expression change, because she said, "What's the
matter?  You're not actually worried I'll say no?"  She grinned and turned her
torso, pushing her bust out even more.  The blood rushed through his body and
at the same time he heard one of the guys nearby groan with desire.  He
couldn't stand it.  Fuck!  Why not?  Hasn't it been long enough?!  Maybe ….
He reached for her hand and slipped off the stool.  She followed instantly,
positioning herself so his arm fell around her shoulder and her hip nudged the
most important  part of his groin.  "Oooh, that's exactly what I wanted to
know!" she said, rubbing against him.  "You have nothing to worry about.  And
neither do I!" she cooed.

Make that a wish, he said to himself, and paid their tabs.

He drove the fifteen minutes to his house, his interest continually rising as
her body, facing his, undulated in ever-changing positions.  She pressed her
face sensuously into the soft leather of the seat, her lips already kissing him
through the air.  He felt every kiss.

She murmured admiration of his sizable house as they entered and he guided her
to the couch.  "A drink?" he asked.

She rolled her tongue around her lips slowly and undid the first two buttons
of her blouse.  "From me," she replied, and arched her back. He completed the
unbuttoning and reached behind her, hands trembling with eagerness to free her
glorious breasts.  They looked like they'd be even better than …

There was a knock.  She turned, concerned.  "Who's that?"

Another knock, even harder.  The door shook.  "Ignore it!" he said, his hands
working her thick bra-strap.  Four hooks!  She was so busty, so soft, so
willing, so —

There was a whistling sound, then feet on the stairs.

"Somebody's inside!" she said.

"Oh no!" he groaned. 

A frighteningly attractive, fit redhead strode confidently downstairs, her
large bosom and erect nipples pushing out her top, barely bouncing even without
a bra.

"Who's she?" Barbie asked.

"I'm Sup … Sue!" the redhead said, not smiling.

"I'm Barbie."  She turned anxiously to John.  "You didn't tell me …

The redhead took John's hand, pulled him away and wrapped her arm around his
waist.  "Put your toys away, Barbie.  'Ken's' with me."

"John!?"

"He's mine, slut.  Shoooo!"

Barbie stood amazed, her mouth wide open.  "John.  Are you going to let her —

John turned, his body pressed tightly against the redhead's.  "I can't stop
her, Barbie.  I …

With one finger, the redhead turned John's head back to her and pushed him
down into a long kiss. She put two fingers on his butt and held him close
against her.  "Mmmmmm, ni-i-i-i-i-i-ce and ha-a-a-r-r-r-r-d,"  the redhead
said, wriggling her hips.  "Just how I like it."

Barbie looked at them, shocked.  "What's wrong with you, John?  You're the
man.  If you don't want her, push her away!"

"But she's … she's too strong," John said.

Barbie angrily pulled John out of the redhead's arms and John flew across the
room.

"Isn't he a weakling?" the redhead said.  "Kinda sad!"

"I'm not!  She pushed me!" John said, trying to explain.  "No! Don't hit her,
Barbie!  She's got super–

"No one calls ME a slut!" Barbie was shouting and slapped the redhead, who, to
John's surprise, stumbled backward and yelped in pain.

"She's faking, Barbie.  You don't realize who she is!"

"I don't CARE who she is," Barbie replied.

John rushed to get between them, but somehow he tripped and fell.

"He's clumsy too," the redhead smirked, rubbing her face where Barbie slapped
her.

"She tripped me!"

"Now, how could I do that — from way over here?" she said innocently. "You
better go, Barbie doll.  What do you want anyway with a weak, clumsy, faithless
betrayer like John?"  She sauntered over to him. "Hard day, dear?" She knelt
down to kiss his neck while holding his  shoulder with one hand and putting the
other across his crotch, vibrating her fingers  with great speed, almost
invisibly, against his stiffened member.

"Lissa, no!" John pleaded and tried, unsuccessfully, to push her hand away and
stand up.  But he couldn't move, not even an inch, as though he were as weak as
a baby or only pretending to resist.

"But she said her name was Sue!" Barbie said, even more confused, and then
stared, amazed, as a dark, sticky stain appeared on John's pants.  Barbie
wrinkled her nose.

"He's so quick on the trigger," the redhead said disdainfully.  "Why DO I
bother?"

"Me too.  Why DO I go to bars?!" Barbie said, buttoning her blouse. "You're
pathetic!", she declared to John and marched out.

Lissa, also known as Superlass, aimed her superbreath at the wet spot on
John's trousers, drying it instantly, and with two fingers lifted him to his
feet.  "WHEN will you learn, John?  There's no one for you but me, and there
never WILL be.  NEVER! EVER! EVER!!"

[Mark Newman]

check out blog.conceptfan.com

[Mark Newman]

This is a very good start.  I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with it.

Mark

[Mark Newman]

Very nice.  Keep it up, Fonk (and Vanessa).

[Author]

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